I am questioning myself now

19 posts / 0 new

#1 Nov 13 - 3PM

rainbow1

I am questioning myself now

So I blocked him last night and I am already questioning myself. Yesterday he told me I took everything wrong and that just because he is taking this girl to our friends party it doesnt mean anything and he wants to be my friend. He told me I am stupid, ridiculous, and retarded for not going to the party tonight. Now I am questioning myself. Maybe I did take things wrong? Maybe we should be friends? I mean he has been helpful lately. He got all the guys together to help my mom move. He gave me a free tuneup. He came to my office to bring me lunch and put more fluid in my car. Maybe I am the one that takes things too far and we could just be friends if I back off a little. I am so confused!

#2 Nov 15 - 1PM

ShaynasMommy

pay close attention to his crap

and try not to overanalyze it or second guess your own feelings too much. Just because he does "nice" things for you doesn't mean he values you. So he does maintenance on your car. So?!?! Based on his "stupid" and "retarded" comments he made about you, its probably because HE THINKS you are too stupid and retarded to get these things done for yourself. Take a good, hard, look at how he treats you one on one. Anybody can put forth the effort to add oil to someone's car or what not when it means a big payoff for them in terms of controlling someone else. But try and interacte with you in an intimate and sincere way and he simply CANNOT do it. Will never do it. He's a little fucking gradeschool bully-kid and will never be worthy of your presence in his life at all. I'm gonna get tough here. Just block him, period. from your cell, your FB page, try your best to put him out of your mind, period. He is doing more irreparable damage to you than you can ever know right now, Save yourself. And if that means picjing up and moving away.....well if that's possiblt, that might be the only ticket out of Hell. It was for me, and it was the best thing I did for myself. You can do it, you are the ONLY one who can, Rainbow, SAVE YOURSELF!!!!!

#3 Nov 15 - 7AM

Disillusionedx2

Go by what he does and...

What he has done in the past, it will not change, remember the horrible names hes called you, it will happen again, I am happy you did not attend the party but geesh the texts from friends, I don't know, it's a done deal now but you could have did without that, definitely stay NC once you come out of the fog you will be glad you did, it's a disaster trying to detox from this type of poisoning, I'm 6 weeks NC (thank GOD) but Ns sisters and mom continue to mention him to me when they already know I am not interested in hearing it, I now limit my contact with them, best wishes. stay~striving

stay~strong

#4 Nov 14 - 11PM

rainbow1

Update

I did not go to the party and I still have him blocked. I did not go even though I was getting texts from friends saying that he did bring a girl but that they are only friends and I should show up. I told everyone that I could not bring myself to do it and that he doesnt have any girls that are "just friends", but they all insisted that they were. Anyways, today I ran into his father. He asked if me and the XN are still talking and I told him no and that I do not plan on it. He told me that he XN isnt seeing anyone and doesnt want to be, but he thinks that he wants to be with me but is just lying to himself about it. What in the hell?! I very kindly told him that it doesnt matter what he says and that I have to go off of what the XN tells me. He said that is fine but he will never give up and wants us back together and knows in his heart that I will end up with his son. I just said it was good seeing you and I have to go. As long as I am in the XN's world this is never going to end.... Almost need to pack up and move! _____________________________________________ "dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#5 Nov 15 - 1AM (Reply to #16)

CarolKittyGale (not verified)

Rainbow

Morning hun. Glad stuck to your guns and didn't go to the party....well done that girl!!!! Continue to stick to your guns and strive for your future. It's not about what he wants Rainbow it about what you want. I'd like to add to the comment run screaming RUN SCREAMING LIKE YOUR HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!! ((((Big Hug)))

#6 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #14)

Briseis

Good lord Rainbow!!!!! You

Good lord Rainbow!!!!! You have a group of friends and acquaintances (like the N's father) who just walk ALL OVER YOU!!! I would run screaming!!! These people may be "friends" but they don't respect your wishes very much. Nor do they LISTEN to you (the N's father). If I were surrounded by people who did all this stuff to me, I would feel so small and unimportant. I don't know how you do it without slapping someone or telling them to take their invitation and shove it up their ass. Just sayin' . . . the way they treat you is an example of "well meaning" abuse, or "ambient abuse". No one is calling you a name or trying to hurt you deliberately. I am so offended for you. And no, I am not overreacting. I have a group of friends and acquaintances who do not treat me this way. I wouldn't ALLOW them to. If I said "no thanks, I'm not going to a party HE is going to with another woman" and they insisted, I'd set a boundary and plainly ask them to respect that. No need to get snippy or defensive, just tell them like it is. As for the Narc's father . . . gawd, whatEVER. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

#7 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #15)

rainbow1

Briseis

About the father- I know!!!!! We used to be very close, especially right after the break up and before I knew that the XN was an N. I have told his father many of times that me and the N will not be. The N tells his dad that he doesnt want to be with me or anyone, but his dad insists. He tells me over and over again that the N is lying to himself, or that he will realize it later, or that he just needs time, or that I should wait for him to come to me. Blah blah blah.

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#8 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #8)

gettinbetter

yea rainbow!

You know I have a similiar story to this one from years ago. It was our firms Christmas party. In previous years we went together but the year things really went south he said he didnt want us to go together but he was not taking anyone. He said if I did then we were done for sure. Of course I didnt take anyone. I went with friends they did however bring a male friend. He was in know way my date but we will all stood together having cocktails. I never saw the Narc that night but when I got home to my apartment my roomate greeted me and said "UHHHH I think someone is a little upset" she played a message he had left. He was full of rage. I had never heard him like that. He usually always played it cool and indifferent but man when I tell you he was pissed. He couldnt stand it that I had made it look like I had moved on and he hadnt thought It was all in his mind. There was no convincing him. I look back on it and Im so happy I wrecked his night:). Trust me you wrecked his night! He also told me back then that he did not want going to bars with friends under any circumstances. He didnt care what else I did but he never wanted me in a bar. Well now that Im older I understand it. It had nothing to do with him wanting a wholesome girl. It had to with him being insecure and fearing I would meet someone else.

#9 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #9)

rainbow1

sickofit

Last weekend before I blocked him I was up hanging out with some mutual friends (they started out as his friends, but call me to hang out more now). Someone must have told him that I was up there because I got a text from him that said "If you become a homey hopping little slut bitch I will be a dick to you". hahaha ______________________________________________ "dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#10 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #10)

gettinbetter

rainbow

out of curiousity how old are you if you dont mind me asking. If you dont want to say its ok. Just curious

#11 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #11)

rainbow1

sick of it

It is ok. I am turing 22 in about two weeks. Very young still. Too young to have experienced this!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

#12 Nov 15 - 12AM (Reply to #12)

gettinbetter

I knew it

You reminded me of myself round one. I was 22 going on 23 when I was with the Narc. I was just a young college girl. Its a very young age to be subjected to the trauma of dealing with them. Hopefully you can walk away from this before any life changing events happen in this realtionship. I mean stuff like babies and being exposed to their sexual perversion etc. Its a very impressionable age. You are just starting to figure who you are as an adult. Get out of this now before any deep bonds start forming. Learn from me I was just your age when this happened to me the first time.

#13 Nov 15 - 7AM (Reply to #13)

Susan32

I was 22 during the D&D...

So it was incredibly traumatic. The strange irony is that the ex-Psych professor D&D'd me for an older woman (who was 32) Ns/Ps tend to pursue YOUNGER women as they age, but the ex-P was so messed up... a closet case on top of it. Many ladies speak of being warned by other women;I was warned by another man (I think the openly gay professor was his ex-boyfriend) "I mean stuff like babies&sexual perversion"-Thank goodness I was NEVER sexually involved with the ex-P. It was the OW, the woman he married while she was pregnant with his twins (the marriage and the birth were a couple of months of each other) who dealt with THAT. NOT ME. When the OW is described as a guardian angel... I'm glad I didn't marry or have babies with the ex-P. That would've been Hell.

#14 Nov 13 - 4PM

michele115 (not verified)

Rainbow

Yesterday, you said you were dying, today you are questioning yourself...the wide range of emotions and confusion is daunting to weed through...all of us here have been there and sometimes are still there from time to time - this is no normal breakup. I note you've been on this board 24 weeks - approximately 6 months - six months of grueling torture. Now, I am not one to give Narcs a graceful out - however, once we become aware of what we are dealing with, the burden no longer lies on the shoulders of the NARC...the burden rests on us. SO...knowing what you know, feeling what you're feeling, what is your choice? That will determine when you will heal and when you can in fact move on. As long as you flirt with fire, and play with danger, the longer you will be stuck in the conundrum, and insanity otherwise known as the Narc web... I couldn't find your story, don't know if you've gotten it out. The only advice I can give is decide to go NC...otherwise, you will be talking in circles not knowing your head from your tail. Once you get committed to that - you will find the fog lifting. I'm not even gonna tell you it's easy because it's not...BUT the first step needs to be taken before you can even begin to sort out the chaos. If it were me, I would not be going to the party, and those who don't understand or are too afraid to take a side, or too spineless to take a stand and offer true support, they need to be kicked to the curb to. You can't detox with residue still around you. Good luck, and I'm here as well as everyone else, when you're ready.

#15 Nov 13 - 3PM

Scoop

Dont you go to that party

Dont you go to that party now , dont you think about it . Its just one night and you stay put , the world will still be spinning tomorrow but the message you send to this little piece of shit will speak loud and clear . Its all about boundrys and at the moment you dont have any , not really , you block him but if he contacted you will respond and you know you will . Rainbow ... leave it .. for tonight leave it ...big love to you ,,, fuck him he is a twat who is so stuck up him own retarded arse not even a surgeon could prize him out .xx

#16 Nov 13 - 3PM

Briseis

Ummmm

I do believe you said he is taking ANOTHER WOMAN to the party, instead of you???? I don't care if he layed himself down to be a carpet over mud, so you don't dirty your nice shoes. He DEVALUED YOU. Period. He devalued you where it COUNTS, honey. Right in the heart. And then like Sick of it says, he is pulling the oldest, most classic Narc maneuvers on your head to get you unsure of what you are seeing. It's called gaslighting and mindfucking. And you still want to be his friend? He treats you like SHIT, where it counts. My car was beautifully cared for an maintained by my exNarc. He treated ME like SHIT. You are not a car, honey. You are a PERSON who needs her heart "tuned up" too, and this assjockey just shits on yours.

#17 Nov 13 - 3PM (Reply to #3)

fooled no longer

"He told me I am stupid,

"He told me I am stupid, ridiculous, and retarded for not going to the party tonight". nice things to say to someone who is hurting and you want to be friends with?

#18 Nov 13 - 8PM (Reply to #4)

Disillusionedx2

there you go....

How old is he ten? Stupid, rediculous and retarted, you wanna be friends with the man-child? You're confused in that you would even consider carrying on any kind of interaction with this non-human, when N began name-calling, I let him have it, there's a limit to everything, he's gone to far,he doesn't care that you are hurting, N's can't be friends with anyone,it will not work, attempting to be friends will keep the poison circulating in your system, he's gaming you, you know it, your gut knows it, take it to FULL NC, no party, do not unblock him, try with all that's in you, re-play his insults back a few more times and know that he doesn't care one bit, it's NC or...misery, best wishes. stay~striving

stay~strong

#19 Nov 13 - 3PM

gettinbetter

Typical Narc behavior meant

Typical Narc behavior meant to confuse you and make you think your crazy. YOU ARE NOT CRAZY. Oh I suppose he just has to take this girl you know because its nothing and all. You should say then dont take her please as it would upset me. Would a friend do that to you? I dont think so. He wants to humiliate you. He wants to show his domination over you that he can do something so cruel and that you'll let him do it right in front of you. Its all about the control. You see if you dont go then his show is for nothing. Dont go. I promise you it will ruin his evening. Im so sorry you are going thru this. I hate these men. So cruel.

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