I did have all of the mean texts that he sent and that really did help. I just had to get a new phone so they got deleted. I have been thinking about getting a journal to write in. I think that it will help me put things to rest because I am still at that stage where I play every word that was said (good or bad) over and over again. I am exhausted!
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
I know, rainbow. We have ALL been there. For some, it was worse for others, but the cognitive dissonance happened to all of us. It suck, suck, SUCKS!!!
Definitely write down what he said/did. If you can, use word or other program on the computer, so you can print it out.
On here, they recommend that you right one column of good and one column of bad to really compare.
U said he only calls when he needs help or to be mean!!!
Does he have to push u out? Dont u just want to leave? Do u want someone thats suppose to love u being mean to u? As we all here in the forum already have learned...RUN, RUN, RUN..take ur power back! GET OUT NOW! Prayers to all of us for healing quickley
smileyfacepr
Every time and every where I post something like the above people think that I am saying that I WANT him in my life! That is not what I am saying. I am asking for help determining what you guys think it means. I do not know if he is trying to make me run or if he is trying to keep me hanging around. For you guys it might not make a different, but it helps me to understand.
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
"I am asking for help determining what you guys think it means. I do not know if he is trying to make me run or if he is trying to keep me hanging around"
Let me simplify. He might as well be saying: "rainbow, go crazy go crazy go crazy"
This is crazy making behavior! He will think he has the upper hand no matter what you choose to do.
So guess what? Do what rainbow wants to do.
I don't expect you to understand as I'm sure you are a normal, trusting person.
You have to get to the point that you "get" that he is pathological.
http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview
nolongercontrolled
rainbow1 I get what you're saying I wanted to make sense of what he was too and why he did these awful things. I read a lot and this really helped me, good book Stalking the Soul. I wanted answers in the beginning and for a long time, I wanted to understand what this disorder is and why these evil people do what they do, reading really helped me as I then saw it as totally his stuff. This is really their stuff, this is how they are with all their relationships eventually, it's nothing to do with who you are or what you've done. He has such distorted thinking and will always be abusive in a relationship, he wants you to feel shit because it makes him feel better, more superior. He's playing head games with you and projecting his hate for himself onto you, even if this is subconscious. The real him only feels rage and envy. His mask has slipped this is the real him, he can't keep the pretend guy up it was all false. He sounds like he could get violent too. He is disordered and it's so difficult to understand in the beginning, it's about control, he's playing these games to control you. Don't respond because this plays into his sick game. Only you can end this, by having NC, it's the only way.
"He's playing head games with you and projecting his hate for himself onto you, even if this is subconscious"
I LOVE THIS!
http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview
nolongercontrolled
they do NOT hate themselves!
they HATE:
reality
truth
humans (which they are not)
anything that can actually FEEL (which they can not)
boundaries
that's what they HATE
~~~~~~~~~
Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
If u dont want him in ur life why do u want to figure out what it means? Who cares what it means? Hes just an ass, I think he wants to use u for his own selfish needs not considering ur feelings for a second. Itys all about him. As long as u accept his abuse hes not going anywhere because u r available for him whenever he wants to use u or abuse u! Just get away from him, It may not be easy for awhile but u will feel so much better when ur self respect starts coming back. We dont deserve someone we love and care for to treat us with disresepect and meanness! Love urself! I am trying to learn how and it is not an easy journey! U r not alone u have found us for support! Lots of hugs!
smileyfacepr is exactly right
what it means? You're talking about a NON-HUMAN animal. A predator. Means? even experts in pathology can't figure out what they mean.
What it means for you is RUN and do not look back. Ever.
~~~~~~~~~
Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals
Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
I think he wants both. He wants you away, so he can do what he wants, but he wants to keep you within reach so he can have you if he needs anything from you.
What he wants is for you to be there, but on his terms. Everyone in his life is there for his purpose, whatever purpose he deems that person necessary. If you start examining all of his relationships, not just romantic ones, it becomes clear that he has no MUTUAL relationships with anyone. Everyone is there to serve him in some way. He takes much more from everyone than he gives back.
No, they have none. I started thinking about that after MsVulcan wrote it, and it's so true. Everything he did was transactional. absolutely nothing was out of love or genuine niceness. No friend or family member was around unless they were useful. His brothers enabled ever single horrible thing he did. He could do no wrong. The woman next door cut his hair for free, made him dinner, and provided free babysitting. She would even take off work for a week to watch his child so he could go on vacation. And she just felt so happy because he's a judge and she's a hairdresser and it just made her feel so special. I asked him one time how he always has a clean white shirt when I never see him taking anything to the cleaners. He said that his brother takes them in in exchange for borrowing his car. And then he said his brother buys the groceries in exchange for a ride home from work. And so on, so forth. His only friends are either famous, or have weekend homes on the lake they invite him to, or always pick up the check. There is absolutely no one in his life who he has a normal mutual relationship with. Everything is transactional. And us giving them lip about their absue is NOT part of the deal. Not ever. Once that starts, we are not seen as keeping up our end of it.
You cannot figure out a narcs motives. If you spend your time trying to figure out why he's doing what he's doing you'll drive yourself crazy. He does what he does because it works for him. It gives him what he wants attention. You need to spend your time figuring out yourself and what you want and don't want in a relationship. You have been shown everything you needed to be shown. He is disordered and treats you like crap. Work on your boundaries and realizing you deserve to be loved and cared for and treated like a human being. It will get better.
neveragain5
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
rainbow1
Rainbow1
smileyfacepr
That no what I am saying
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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"
rainbow
http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview
nolongercontrolled
rainbow1 I get what you're
Ending the dance
AnotherPath
http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview
nolongercontrolled
hate?
Rainbow2
smileyfacepr
rainbow1
sorry Rainbow1 I wrote 2..lol
smileyfacepr
Rainbow1,
No mutual relationships
Step 1 in recovering