I am in a huge amount of pain right now

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#1 Mar 28 - 8PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I am in a huge amount of pain right now

He texted me today he is getting married. I cant really even type but I had to get it out.

Please understand if I dont respond. I am frozen.

Atleast this is finally over for me.

I had finally been getting a grip on things.

Mar 30 - 10PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

SOI - call me!!! xosxxoxoxxo

SOI - call me!!! xosxxoxoxxo
Mar 31 - 5AM (Reply to #68)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I will I promise. I have been

I will I promise. I have been swamped at work of course could there be any worse timing. Cant even imagine all of the stuff I have screwed up becuase of the stress.
Mar 31 - 7AM (Reply to #69)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

SOI

But being busy can also be a blessing as a good distraction. I hope today is better! (Hugs)
Mar 30 - 1PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Im feeling more pain today

Right now Im struggling a bit to know that some one from my past who caused such deep emotional wounds came back to do it again. It really is unimaginable. I think that is what the reptetition compulsion is about for me. Some how I have been trying to get a different outcome to a horrific situation. Extremely Painful but I will never let it happen again
Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #64)
kgirl
kgirl's picture

It is unimaginable because

It is unimaginable because you're human with a soul.... and I'm so sorry today is more painful for you. ~kauaigirl
Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #65)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thank You. Its a strange mix

Thank You. Its a strange mix of feelings. Relief that he is done with me but there is still that little part of me that thinks what if he goes on to have a happy life with her? I know its not possible he is 44 never married and he has done this to me twice in my life. People dont just change but still it hurts
Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #66)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

SOI

I'm right there with you. After hearing the new GF describe the happy world they are living in and their plans to get married I can't shake the feeling or fear that maybe he might make it with her??? I know it's BS but that idea is burned in my head after her details she shared with me! My Narc is 35 and he has been married and divorced twice and cheated on every woman he's been married to or dated. I know he didn't wake up last week and turn into a decent human! It still hurts like hell though.
Mar 30 - 5PM (Reply to #63)
Smarterthanever
Smarterthanever's picture

Nothing Can't Hurt Us

I have been reading and reading and talking to my counselor and it is finally sinking into me that THEY ARE NOT CAPABLE OF LOVE. I am not resenting the wife so much because I am getting the fact that he doesn't love either one of us. Nothing is real. Never has been. Never will be.
Mar 30 - 2PM (Reply to #62)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

SOI

I'm sorry you are feeling more pain today. You are better off without this narc in your life and be thankful if he's silent. It's a much better world without them.
Mar 30 - 2PM (Reply to #60)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Keep moving forward! He did a

Keep moving forward! He did a nice Narc job of pushing buttons! Think of what you have, you didn't lose a thing by his silence! A true nut case! Idealk
Mar 30 - 5PM (Reply to #61)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thank God its the last time

Thank God its the last time he will ever push my buttons
Mar 30 - 7AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

This morning while putting on

This morning while putting on my make up, I started to say Day 1 in my head and I stopped myself. THERE WILL BE NO DAY COUNTING. THIS IS FOREVER. I realized that my day counting only implied in my mind that the silence would end.
Mar 30 - 7AM (Reply to #58)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

SOI

Right! Don't count.... Just keep moving forward. You're doing the right thing. Big Hugs!
Mar 30 - 7AM (Reply to #57)
really
really's picture

That's a huge realization on

That's a huge realization on your part. It makes a lot of sense and will take a lot of strength and focus. All the best as you venture out into a world of new and renewed possibilities.
Mar 29 - 8PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I just had a thought. You

I just had a thought. You know what he is pissed off about? He is pissed that I didnt freak out and leave my husband so he didnt have to do any work during one of his silent treatments. He is pissed that he didnt destablize me enough to have me walk out on my husband with out any commitment on his part. He is pissed I didnt just make myself available that way he could say he had nothing to do with it. Who me? break up a marriage?
Mar 29 - 6PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Tommorow is the first day of

Tommorow is the first day of the rest of my life. I will never allow another human being to disrespect me like that again So thankful my family wasnt left as carnage.
Mar 29 - 9PM (Reply to #53)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Big Hugs

Hang in there Sick of It! He is such a creep! He was just trying to stir things up and hurt you...it's what these freaks DO. It's who they are. You are strong and amazing. Sending you some big hugs.
Mar 30 - 6AM (Reply to #54)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Thank you so much. I meant to

Thank you so much. I meant to say I saw your picture on here one day. You are so cute!
Mar 29 - 9PM (Reply to #52)
sistasoo
sistasoo's picture

Great mantra!

I will copy your words and repeat them daily!!! I'm starting to enter the anger stage (although I flounder back and forth to CD). This is the perfect statement for myself, as well as numerous others on this site, right now! It has actually helped me to refer to him as Asshole, instead of his real name when the topic comes up via text with my friends or in conversation. It's more difficult for the sentimental feelings to surface when you think of someone known as Asshole. When I never mention his name, but have a derogatory nickname for him instead, all the images of him being rude to service staff, having road rage, having no patience in public and his sense of entitlement he found so amusing, seem to surface in my mind. Thanks, SOI! sistasoo
Mar 29 - 5PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I have done pretty well today

I have done pretty well today considering. I did not break down nearly as bad as I thought I would but it still hurts like hell. I know I got to him so there is a little satisfaction there. That text message told me Sick of it Damn you for being married. Now I going to hurt you like you have hurt me. I told him I was changing my number that he would never have access to me again
Mar 29 - 5PM (Reply to #48)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit...

I trust you will change your number...but you need to step out of the game... If you change your nubmer, he'll notice that...no need to tell him. Wondering if on some subconscious level you were hoping that bit of information would up the ante... Are you in the game or out of it? Stop picking at the scab. Get off the ride...
Mar 29 - 5PM (Reply to #49)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

The game is over. He will

The game is over. He will never hurt me again. If my telling him made him sweat a little then yea. If it didnt, I didnt have much to lose but he will never ever have any contact with me again Now he can withdrawl from my supply which I have given him plenty of.
Mar 29 - 6PM (Reply to #50)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

SOI

I'm very glad to hear that... Hugs...
Mar 29 - 12PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

sickofit

Please tell me after you got the last word in he's blocked now... Block him...
Mar 29 - 1PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I think he did it to

I think he did it to strengthen the trauma bond. I mentioned this a while back to him and my guess is he read up on it. I think he did sense I was getting better Omg this is what he is doing. He is tightening it so when he comes back later.... oh dear lord he is a sicko. He could have easily blocked my number. He needed to induce trauma in that he made me afraid to contact him and he knows I'm an addict and induced trauma I have a very strong feeling about this. Oddly yesterday I was anxious all day and I didn't know why. He sensed I'm doing better and that I was on to him He's got another thing coming. He will NEVA have me NEVA. His always means my NEVA
Mar 29 - 1PM (Reply to #44)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit

yes he could have easily blocked your number and yes he's a sicko but now that we know this and have accepted this fully and if there was ever any doubt I think you see now this is no I will work on myself if this will ever work scenario... THIS WON'T EVER WORK and I think you see that now... So...did you block him yet? I shut down everything about three weeks ago...he'll have to send a bat signal and even then F him! I know it had an effect because he friended my niece on FB I was stewing all weekend and questioned why my niece would even enterain it....I saw it as a hoover...another way he thought he could somehow still have a "presence" in my world since he was so "coldly" dismissed and shut down...in one great big WHAM!! So I spoke to my niece yesterday and while on the phone with her going through the dynamics of his actons and such...explaining that he's not her friend but perhaps more interested in a triangulation scenario to drive his current woman MAD...using either me or the niece...I don't like it...and as we were speking she deleted him. I anticipate the ante being raised. I suspect he moved that way to either indirectly show me he's getting married or engaged or something...there was something he wanted me to know and he was going to use my niece as the tool to do the job. BUT I also had a fear...cause if I'm right about triangulation, the new woman is on FB too and I am certain would wonder who my niece is, or she knows who I am and can see me and that I'm on my nieces list...and only GOD knows what he's been doing to her with me...someone mentoned they compare and they make the new victims pay for whatever in thier minds hurt with the last victim...all freaking sick!!! So I got a little rattled because for all I know she's jealous to the point of wanting to KILL Me and I have not a damn thing to do with either one of them!!! They create these scenarios to feed their ego and drive everyone else MAD!!! Shut him down sick of it....no more...Block, Delete, get your wand out whatever...he's OVER... Hugs!
Mar 29 - 4PM (Reply to #45)
sara-smile
sara-smile's picture

Michele

Bat signal......baaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Mar 29 - 11AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I was doing ok but now not so

I was doing ok but now not so much. I was thinking he did this because he wanted me to stop txting him but then I thought he could have blocked my number months ago. I can guess he wanted to stab me one more time on his way out
Mar 29 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

SOI

They are sick and sadistic people. Yes, he wanted to hurt you one more time, hon. I'm sorry for being so harsh, but let this experience confirm for you what a sick disgusting man he is and how much better off you are without him. They enjoy hurting us. They do it to every single one of us, including the new woman. They do not differentiate. You have done nothing wrong. He is a sick man who will repeat this behavior in every future relationship he enters. Avoid him at all costs! I hope you blocked him.
Mar 29 - 6PM (Reply to #42)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

yes he is blocked. I have

yes he is blocked. I have deleted his email addresses. He lives 300 miles from me so there is no danger of me running into him again. I told him he will never be allowed access to me again.