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I am feeling discouraged and my therapist

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#1 Jun 23 - 12PM
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

I am feeling discouraged and my therapist

I am feeling discouraged because I have tried a few therapists throughout my life. I have not found one to really stick. The one that I have now I did like but I dont think that she "gets it". She doesnt want to refer to my XN as a narcissist. She just wants to deal with how my feelings are affected by his actions, which I get but not to acknowledge his disorder bugs me. It makes me feel like the N because she makes me feel bad for calling him one. She said that she has clients that are N's and she deals with PTSD, but I am not sure if she is working out. She just keeps saying that I pick people like my XN because of my mother and that I was trained that way. She just refers everything back to my mother. I get that you need to get to the root of the issue, but I KNOW WHY I DO THE THINGS I DO! I JUST NEED HELP TO STOP DOING IT! Does anyone get what I am saying? I dont need help with the HOW I got this way because I have been going to different therapists for years. I know what my issue is I just need to learn how to break the habit. Do you guys think I should find a new therapist or stick it out with this one? It is just so expensive to go there for an hour to hear things that I already know. Plus I work full time and go to college full time. I dont really have time to go listen to something that I already know.

Jun 23 - 4PM
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

To be honest I think your

To be honest I think your therapist is right. So what that your ex has a label of narcissist. He's not the important one in the equation you are. She sounds like she's bringing the focus back to you, your feelings and the root of it all, which was there well before you met your ex.

Ending the dance

Jun 23 - 1PM
herlatestvictim
herlatestvictim's picture

similar experience here

My therapist also used to frustrate me by referring to my mother or comparing my N to my mother. I would not want to get into that or really see the comparison, I wanted to talk about my N and how I could NEVER get involved with another N again. HOWEVER, one night (last week actually) I woke up in the middle of the night and mental list had formed on how similar they truly were. I started to read about N parents and quickly understood how I got this way and why I was in this "relationship" now. The big epiphany for me: I have to handle my N the same way I handle my mother. Distance, share as little as possible, don't take anything personal (good or bad) and KNOW that it isn't me, it's her. I would no more want to live my life with an emotional cripple like my mother than I would want to cut my own heart out without safety scissors. They say we seek someone like our defective parent to try to get a different outcome from the same experience. We won't. We will get the same outcome from the same type of sick person. It really helped me not WANT the N in my life anymore. I feel like my healing has truly started. Good luck to you.
Jun 23 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

Thank you

Yes my mother is a borderline. I have always seeked out crazy people like her. And I am a push over. I let people walk all over me because I am NICE! I know that it is bad for me but I keep doing it. That is what I need to work on. My boyfriend before the XN was also a borderline and sent me to therapy. He did horrible things to me. He hit me, pushed me, stole my car, stole my moms car, left me on the side of the road in the snow, cheated on me, had his ex stay over at MY house in MY bed when I was out of town, etc. But I forgave him and still talk to him as a friend. He is in the marines now and lives in Japan. He calls me every weekend and I answer. He isnt mean or anything, he does pull guilt trips but doesnt let me have it. I am just not good at cutting people out. Never have been. I can not repsond to my mother for days but then I eventually do. Or if she starts acting nice I will respond. I see through everything that she does but I still repsond with something even if it is a "k". I FEEL OBLIGATED TO! I need to learn how to deprogram from a lifetime of abuse.

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"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jun 23 - 1PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I'm sorry you are having

I'm sorry you are having difficulty with this therapist. I personally think you should seek someone you feel understands 'you' and is willing to discuss what you need to get through. I know I had a therapist on my medical plan that was fully covered and I didn't like her at all. She had no clue what a narcissist was in my book and i didn't feel comfortable with her. I have ended up paying for a therapist that has given me a discount because I have to pay her and she understands. She was with a narcissist herself for years and she really gets the addiction of this. I would search around in my opinion and get someone that you really feel comfortable sharing so much with. Best of luck!