I am being hoovered.

I am being hoovered.

People talk about the psychic chord. And I believe in that. I knew that the N-familymember was going to hoover me yesterday because I felt it - and she did. She emailed me. One sentence. I have been completely & intentionally NC with her for a while (maybe 2 months or longer). Now she gets it. That's what the hoover was about. That she'll always love me and that she's hurt that I refuse contact.

Yeah -- so I'm HURT. Contact=Pain, right? RIGHT. Now I'm in full-on suffering. And I'm saying all the things in my head, and out loud and on paper that I wish I could say to her and have it make a difference. I could say these things -- but it would MAKE NO DIFFERENCE. The damage is already done. It's ruined. It's over. There's no way to come back from it. There's no apology from her.

And I can get it that there is freedom from being as free as possible from her. But I have lost so much, and my heart is so broken. So very broken. All stemming from the EXNH-Psychopath's damage in my life. So very sad.

I am so sad today. And so angry.
This is what mourning looks like.

Please just send a little prayer my way.