How is your life now vs when the narc was still in it

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#1 Mar 1 - 2PM
victimnomore
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How is your life now vs when the narc was still in it

I think about the differences in my life now that the narc is physically gone and it is a huge difference.

My house is peaceful and serene.
My son is more relaxed with his father gone.
No more walking on egg shells.
We laugh all the time.
My laundry is lighter.
I have more money.
I have more family over.
My friends reappeared.
I don't feel ugly.
I don't need to cook everyday.
I feel more alive than I have in years. (even with the pain of it all).
I am not worried all the time.
I don't feel like a private detective anymore. (Have lots of experience).
The knot in my stomach is gone.
I can talk to my neighbors without being accused of flirting.
I feel free!
I sleep better.
I am reading again. (something that I loved to do but had no time for. had to attend to the narc 24/7.
I look 10 years younger! (the best part) LOL!

Even though I am in the worst pain of my life staying away from the narc is clearly a great benefit for me and my son.

How did your life change for the better?

Mar 2 - 8AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

It gets better

-No daily drama. -Have a huge music collection. I think my music collection would've been a big deal if I had moved in with the ex-Psych prof, because he hated music. I still listen to music. -No longer worrying about who he's seeing, no more constant jealousy. -I'm closer to my family, and my baby nephew. -When I mourned the loss of my grandmother, he wasn't there taunting me or saying I should kill myself. I could come home and be serene over it. -Being able to enjoy chocolate, coffee, and meat. -No longer being called a slut simply because I wear a dress. -Writing about religion and philosophy without the ex-P's disapproval or utter lack of encouragement. -I can read "War and Peace",which is pretty informative about NPD. -Enjoying the beautiful state of Massachusetts with my sister&her family. The ex-P had discouraged me from going to the "land of neurotic Puritans"--well, I go there from time to time. Love it.
Mar 2 - 8AM (Reply to #29)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Chocolate, Coffee and Meat

Three of my favorites! Especially the Coffee and Chocolates!!!!!!!!!!

victimnomore

Mar 2 - 8AM (Reply to #30)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Chocolate of all kinds...

I've got into raw cacao lately. I had a raw chocolate "ice cream" at Cafe Gratitude about a year ago... it was impressive. It was chocolate amped up. It was a beyond sugar high!!!
Mar 2 - 7AM
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Hmm...

Give me a few more days, and I'll get back to you on this one! I'm only 11 days NC. So far, I'd say... it's not fun. I'm keeping busy as much as possible. I'm still trying to stop myself from obsessing, at this stage. The last time I went NC, I was in such a daze, so mixed up, that I almost walked into a parked car. I had to laugh at myself. In retrospect, I find it a little scary that I was SO inside my own head, that I couldn't concentrate on what was 3 feet in front of me. I was vulnerable, easy to maneuver again. I felt tenderized. Like I said, I'm trying to keep busy, and this seems to help somewhat more than the last time. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, and contentment within myself.
Mar 2 - 7AM (Reply to #25)
spinning
spinning's picture

Incog...good work so far

11 days is tough and you're keeping on top of it! I am so glad you are here. The fog will lift. I know exactly what you are saying about the first time. It happened to me. The PTSD was so bad I could barely function and had to take time off of work. The second (and now final) time I was better prepared; due in large part to all the time I had spend reading on this board and the inner strength and knowledge it gave me to KNOW that regardless of the pain and confusion, if I didn't get out of the disordered relationship I would be entirely consumed. In four days I'll be four months NC. Never thought that would be possible! I'm getting stronger because of it. Hang in, Incognito. You are doing great work and taking charge of your destiny. I'm sending the good vibes and much support. Sincerely (still trying hard to stop) spinning

spinning

Mar 2 - 8AM (Reply to #27)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Incog Spinning is

Spinning is correct. 11 days is a huge step. I am 6 months NC and today has been horrible. I am crying all day and don't know why. i know how terrible I was treated and do not want my NH back but I feel so lousy today. I keep thinking how many years I have wasted on this psycho and how painful it is. So just hang in there! I am trying to find out why I am crying so much today??? I hate that he is even on the same planet!

victimnomore

Mar 2 - 7AM (Reply to #26)
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Oh no!

You made me tear up! (In a good way.) I wasn't expecting that. Thank you so much for the kind solidarity. I appreciate it greatly. 4 months sounds like a lifetime right now. Congratulations on coming so far. I've been lurking the board for several months, before joining, as well. It's so strange what one google search can render.
Mar 2 - 6AM
ABC0311
ABC0311's picture

Peaceful!

If I didn't have a child, then it would be even better. Unfortunately, I can't be 100% No-Contact.
Mar 2 - 6AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

victimnomore

I sure wish you lived near me, you seem like such a kind, caring, and empathetic woman, espcially after all you have been through, BIG hugs to you right back!!!
Mar 2 - 3AM
onwithmylife
onwithmylife's picture

this is a great post!

Mine is both pros and cons since my child is grown and away and i feel like an orphan, only a sister left in another state. I do not have the constant anxiety but I still feel after 2 years a huge void, that I am having a hard time filling, because I have a little support system, other than my few friends scattered around the country.We did have many good times and trips together and doing things with someone, that i still miss alot. But I do not miss being his punching bag and his anger and rage that should have been directed at his mother, was constantly draining me in all aspects.so for me it is a mixed bag.but it was never real and that is what I remind myself constantly.
Mar 2 - 5AM (Reply to #21)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

ownl

I know what you mean about the "void" I feel this also even though I have a very large family and friends certain things that we did together I miss a lot, but it is not worth being with him again. I will just let time fill the void. eventually i won't even notice it anymore. And remember we are your family! HUGGS!

victimnomore

Mar 2 - 2AM
booboo35
booboo35's picture

Hi Girls. The things i have

Hi Girls. The things i have done since going NC, And yes i now i have broken it a couple of weeks ago but, while i was NC for 55 days here's some of the the things i have managed to do for my son and mum and me. 1) Booked a holiday for my son and to Tenerife, My Son and i have never had a holiday ever before together. 2) Cleaned my house from top to bottom got rid of everything of his what was left here. 3) Got more time and money for my Family and friends. 4) Sorting my health out, Like counselling and waiting for a big operation a hysterectomy to make my life even easier. 5) Sleeping a lot better. Yes i do sometimes have nightmares but it is not as bad as it has been. This is why NC is so crucial it makes you see things in a much clearer way, It makes you see them for what they really are. And it is great when you can take control of your life, And realize that you were in control all the time, They just made you feel like you was not, xx

STAY STRONG!! XX

Mar 2 - 5AM (Reply to #19)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Yes BooBoo

You are so right. NC is the only way to get some distance from these guys and to br in control of your own life. Why would anyone want someone else to control them? When you think about it it just does not make sense. NC!

victimnomore

Mar 2 - 12AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Very good post. My life is:

Very good post. My life is: peaceful, and I am : in control of myself and my life. No more rollercoasters and drama. No more BS. A quality life :-))))
Mar 1 - 7PM
dazed and seeki...
dazed and seeking peace and strength's picture

i love this post too! it

i love this post too! it reminds me that there are positives to this hell i feel like i've been going through. i haven't been away from my exn for that long, but my list so far: 1. i don't obsessively wait by my phone for a call or text as much. same with checking emails. 2. i have more time! this is a huge one. it's both good and bad. good in the sense that i am studying more and trying to do more things that i use to love to do. bad, because it still feels like a void. but i know that in time, having this time is a good thing. i'm actually really busy as a student, but i have realized what a huge time drain he has been - and still is - i waste a lot of time trying to NOT think about him and trying to NOT do things i shouldn't do, but that time could be spent on things i need to do. i have been scrambling to catch up with school this semester bc it's been pure hell. 3. i don't have that anxiety of being put on an emotional roller coaster anymore. i can never tell if i am going to get the mean nasty n or the nice sweet one. now i don't even have to guess or worry about it. 4. im gaining weight. i lost the most weight i have ever lost while being with him - a true sign of an unhealthy relationship. 5. i can watch movies that i like. we NEVER did this - unless he wanted to watch it too. it's funny how we always *had* to watch his movies but i was never allowed to propose a movie. same for tv shows. wow - what a terrible relationship.
Mar 1 - 4PM
ally2375
ally2375's picture

Post narc life

Here are my top five. 1) I can sleep through the night. 2) I remember to eat. 3) I'm not tethered to my phone waiting for his texts and I don't jump like a crack addict at the sound of the chime when I do get a message. 4) I'm not constantly worrying about what he's doing (or who.) 5) I don't get sick from stress or crying anymore.
Mar 1 - 4PM
hedidntbreakme
hedidntbreakme's picture

Even with the many great

Even with the many great things i can list about my life...my financial situation is in shambles because of him...but when he calls, i feel the financial pain numb...because he gets my endorphines going and nothing seems so bad after all... PEOPLE HE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL - and he can still manage to pull my heart strings....i was doing so good. I PROMISE I WILL GET IT TOGETHER
Mar 1 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
ally2375
ally2375's picture

He didn't break me

Many of the wise women on this board have pointed out that there is a real, chemical addiction that forms in our attachment to these guys. I don't know where science stands on that, but I can tell you I felt it myself enough to know it's true. I had the same reaction as you did in the early days of NC. His messages were like cold water on a fresh burn. I could literally be crying about HIM, get an unexpected text from him, and then feel suddenly COMPLETELY better. This changes over time, I promise! Eventually, hearing from him won't provoke such a big reaction in you. You have to detox from it first though. Hugs! Ally
Mar 1 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

hedidntbreakme I know u can

I know you can do it. NC will lift the fog so you can see clearer. I know you don't want to keep doing this for the next 25 years. Do You?

victimnomore

Mar 1 - 4PM (Reply to #12)
hedidntbreakme
hedidntbreakme's picture

no i don't - after reading

no i don't - after reading what you wrote to me, i was finally able to write and post my story. thank you
Mar 1 - 5PM (Reply to #13)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Good for you!

I am so proud of you. If I can do it (and I am still struggling but I do not want him back) You can do it. If you get a chance read my story. I have been through hell and back and I am still here. Living and breathing so anything is possible but first you have to make peace with yourself and most importantly LOVE YOURSELF! YOU DESERVE THE BEST AND YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED! YOU ARE SO WORTH IT! sending you peace and blessings!

victimnomore

Mar 1 - 4PM
hedidntbreakme
hedidntbreakme's picture

eat what i wantsmell

eat what i want smell fresh dress down wash make up off my face get some sleep my daughter is HAPPY no heart palpitations no emotional roller coaster a little bit of $ back in my pocket gym whenever i want on time for work see my family more no swinger party requests i say NO WHENEVER I LIKE WITHOUT PUNISHMENT sad part knowing all this - i still find the need to break NC...he made my life a LIVING HELL!
Mar 1 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

hedidntbreakme

When you have had enough of the pain NC will be a piece of cake. I am 6 months Nc and was/is married to the psycho for 25 years. this is the first taste of freedom that I have had in 25 years and I'm loving it. Don't get me wrong it is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do but when I think about that pain in the beginning of NC I swear i never want to feel like that again and that memory keeps me from contact with him. we have a son together but there is no such thing as co-parenting for me. i am sorry, can't do it and I explained this to our son and he is ok with it. He does not know about all of the sick abuse he just know that his mother is back fro the dead and he is loving it! Keep trying with NC. You deserve so much better! I think you and i went through some terrible sexual stuff if i remember correctly. You need to choose you! HUGGS

victimnomore

Mar 1 - 3PM
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

Life is much better

1. Friends are back 2. My son is coming out of his shell and not hiding in the basement/den to get away from the narc 3. no belly aches 4. back in shape 5. happier 6. was able to have sister move back and live with me after he moved out and for us to mend our relationship 7. making new friends and joined many groups to go out and do different things 8. became more spiritual 9. coming out of my shell 10. i have more money since i was always paying for things since i made 2times more money than the N 11. dont have his son terrorizing my son 12. i clean the way i want to clean 13. dont have to worry about my son making him mad 14. no more road rages. yelling at family. 15. crying is gone. depression is nearly gone 16. i make decisions without fear of being criticized 17. i can relax and have the dog be a dog without making him mad 18. no more trips to Spokane! (i love his family and miss them but they are dysfunctional and enablers) 19. i get to do whatever I want whenever i want 20. i have expanded my knowledge on many subjects and seriously, the list can go on
Mar 1 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

strongerthanever

I forgot about the road rages. Lol. My NH would have road rage and pull up beside the other car and yell at the driver. But guess what? I would be on the side of the other driver so if the other driver just so happen to be nuts like my NH, I would have been the one to get the bullet! He is so crazy! And Yes I love being able to do what I want when I want. (after 25 years). yesssssss!

victimnomore

Mar 1 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
strongerthanever
strongerthanever's picture

The road rage...

It was more passive-aggressive. He would begin humming and I knew it was coming. He would speed up, humming, then cut the guy off. Or brake, while humming. So the kids in the car would not pick up on it. I would reach over and just touch his hand and he would stop it. But, I knew that when I wasn't in the car, it was worse. His family told me stories. Again...hiding behind the mask. He would also turn left on red and say, "no cop, no foul." and his brother and sister-in-law are big time cops in spokane, wa. He would do this with the kids in the car and they would be shocked. I would tell him he was setting a bad example. He didnt' like it when I corrected him in front of the kids, especially his son. Need to also add, no more waiting by the back door and watching how he walked to know what kind of mood he is in. And whether I should be getting him drunk since he becomes a happy and horny drunk. Then I knew my night would be ok.
Mar 1 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
hedidntbreakme
hedidntbreakme's picture

Awe i can totally relate

"no more waiting by the back door and watching how he walked to know what kind of mood he is in. And whether I should be getting him drunk since he becomes a happy and horny drunk. Then I knew my night would be ok. i can totally relate
Mar 1 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
victimnomore
victimnomore's picture

Road Rage And Speeding

I use to literally hold on to the straps in the car while he was driving. He would speed and cut other drivers off. A total maniac on the road. I am surprised that he didn't kill himself yet. So I have to add to my list: Safe driving without him!

victimnomore

Mar 1 - 2PM
Trulybroken
Trulybroken's picture

1- I had the strength to

1- I had the strength to leave a high paying job to finish my 3 yr program as a naturopath. I now apprentice in a ND clinic 2- I made many new friends 3- Started a animal shelter 4- I have a chronic illness and would get about 3 sick days a week when I was with him, now I get like 2 a month 5- my mind is clear 6- I sleep better 7- I can leave my pc open without him snooping 8- I went to the gym once a week now I go 3-4 that's all I can think of for now
Mar 1 - 2PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

Love this post it inspires

Love this post it inspires me. I have been hooked in time and time again by this desire to problem solve that I have. I can see how much of me he has consumed and cant wait to get it back.