How They Make us Feel

21 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 5 - 10AM

Anonymous (not verified)

How They Make us Feel

My Narc always made me feel incredibly sexy, which I hadn't felt in many years until him. I used to once upon a time, but marriage to a non-attentive, unaffectionate man and age will slowly make that fade. With the N I felt like I did when I was single in my early twenties. It was intoxicating. But today I remembered something my mother warned me about way back then. She said the guys who make you feel sexy that way, make all the women feel sexy that way. Hmmm...... seems she was right considering all these Narcs are such womanizers who leave a trail of broken hearts.

#2 Apr 6 - 7PM

michele115 (not verified)

Smitten

If you feel sexy then you ARE sexy whether someone tells you or not... The only thing that needs tweaking is owning it for yourself. Hugs!

#3 Apr 6 - 3PM

prettypeeved

Rollercoaster. One day I'd be

Rollercoaster. One day I'd be dancing on air spending time with someone who I couldn't get enough of. The next, he'd treat me like he just wanted me to get lost.

#4 Apr 6 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Prettypeeved

This is how it was for me after the devaluation started, probably for the last 5 months of the relationship.

#5 Apr 6 - 3PM (Reply to #18)

dudette

you re gonna think I am mad

but to an extent, I wish that I had seen that side of him.... because all I know of that is what XW told me of her life behind close doors....and 1 short lived episode of ST and silent rage and of course I know about the OWs but really, I have been spared so much in comparison to all of you, sometimes it really does not help with CD at all !!! I am not ungrateful, just saying.... However there is no doubt from all the evidence gathered of what he is....

#6 Apr 6 - 3PM

dudette

he made me feel perfect

absolutely everything I ever said or did was amazing. perfect mum to my son and potential step mum to his, worker, friend, lover,singer, writer, cook - everything, the way I looked, dressed, I spoke, I wrote, I drove my car... I used to worry about that. I used to day that one day I would end up disappointing him... I guess I was right.... Even during the devaluing stage I was still perfect and it was all about his insecurities - he said.... well and then I dumped him....and to this day, I have not heard anything to the contrary....quite worrying... But behaviour wise, well no doubt about that.....

#7 Apr 6 - 1AM

neverlookback

he

always made me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet. I think he was very attracted to me and I do miss that so much, my husband is like a dead fish in that department, but you are right there is a flip side to that, they make all their women feel this way, its not exclusive with just us. I never felt more sexy and wanted by a man as this man made me feel, I will forever miss that but its not enough I only wanted him to see ME, if I was the love of his life that is all he should have seen. Unfortunately nobody is the love of their life

#8 Apr 5 - 11PM

ifinallygotit

smart mom

yes i always felt beautiful, desired and sexy but also love starved as he never spent enough quality time with me.

#9 Apr 5 - 11AM

Hearts544

great advice from your mom!!!

great advice from your mom!!! mine would make me feel like a million bucks only to turn around and slap me with devaluing and manipulation, which in turn put me on a rollercoaster ride, highs and lows always.

#10 Apr 5 - 10AM

JRB123

Desirable

Made me feel wanted, desirable and sexy too. Now makes me feel like crap. Feel devalued and like I am nothing :( Before all of this I was fairly happily plodding along and not remotely interested in other men (as I am married) and even if I wasn't married I felt my courting days were well and truly over! Now I feel kind of desperate and would like his attention even though I am strongly staying NC. He hoovered a few weeks ago which I avoided but now he isn't again and even though I know that's a good thing - I still kind of want him to. I just want to be over him and back to how I was before any of this.

#11 Apr 5 - 12PM (Reply to #8)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

That Too!

Yes, I felt desirable too and also desire, which had been sorely lacking for years. Even after the devaluing and roller coaster of the last 6 months, I still felt that way with him and about him. And I too was plodding along in my marriage not remotely interested in other men and wish I could go back to the pre-narc days. Even when I finally get over him, things will never be the same again - that's for sure. It sucks knowing what you were missing and not having it now and it has totally screwed with my marriage which already had it's own set of problems without throwing a narc into the mix.

#12 Apr 6 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

Timehelps2

Smitten kitten

Ditto.

#13 Apr 5 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

JRB123

I am with you

I can totally relate to you with this. It's exactly where I'm at at the moment. I just hope we do get over it eventually though. I am trying so hard to- I think I've got more hobbies at the moment than I've ever had! Sadly I have to see him most weeks, sometimes we say hello and sometimes we ignore each other. Every time I see him is when I come to this board for support as I feel so emotional! I think if I didn't see him I would be further on the road to recovery than I am. Good to be in touch with you and I'm sure we will be again. Wishing you happier times ahead.

#14 Apr 5 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I hope we get over it too. At

I hope we get over it too. At least I'm 3,000 miles away from mine thank God! I can't even imagine having to see him every day, that would be excruciating. I don't even know when I'll be emotionally ready to go back and visit my friends who live in the same area he does, not only for fear of running into him, but just being so close and reminded of everything. Ugh.... and I really want to see my friends. They're the only ones who know me who know about this situation, so at least I haven't had to keep it completely to myself. They saw everything he put me through and hate him. I'm so glad I found this Board though, because even though they've been so supportive, I can't keep burdening them with these feelings and talking about him all the time. The other thing that makes it so difficult is having to act normal around my husband, who does NOT know about the affair. Wishing you happier times as well.

#15 Apr 5 - 12PM (Reply to #9)

dudette

smitten

totally agree with everything you said.....

#16 Apr 5 - 10AM

kgirl

Mine made me feel sexy as

Mine made me feel sexy as hell...told me I was absolutely irresistible....then used it as a tool to dangle and withhold. You're mom's a smart cookie! :) ~KG

#17 Apr 5 - 12PM (Reply to #6)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

My Mom

Funny thing about my mom, although really not so funny, is she has BPD and NPD. She's more of a Borderline, but definitely has a lot of Narc tendencies (they overlap so much), which is why I have very limited contact with her. I studied a little bit about NPD from Sam Vaknin's site a few years ago when I was researching BPD. Recently I read in the book "Help! I'm In Love With a Narcissist" that this is why I was attracted to this guy to begin with and had such chemistry with him. Oye!

#18 Apr 5 - 10AM

Journey

That is great advice from

That is great advice from your mom! and so true. Mine made me feel that way in the beginning for sure - right up until he started intermittently withholding sex at the beginning of our fourth month together. After that it was all under his control and I feared initiating sex because I was often rejected if I did. He'd accuse me of 'objectifying' him - huh! Asshole...

Journey on...

#19 Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #3)

kgirl

Holy crap...."objectifying

Holy crap...."objectifying him"....what an asshole is right! Kinda makes me laugh a little! ~KG

#20 Apr 5 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

Journey

It is absurd isn't it?! It

It is absurd isn't it?! It kind of makes me laugh a little now too, such projection... I wish I knew then what I know now, wow.

Journey on...

#21 Apr 5 - 10AM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I just had another revelation....

My Narc used to send me "love" songs and even posted them on his FB profile. One of the songs he sent to me was "Every Woman in the World" by Air Supply. Of course, I was very touched at the time, but in light of what I know about Narcs now, it takes on a completely different meaning.

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