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  5. How they break through our boundaries......

How they break through our boundaries......

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#1 Sep 16 - 1PM
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

How they break through our boundaries......

First of all I want to give credit to someone on a prayer forum who shared the following paragraph with me. It made so much sense that I just had to share it with this forum...

"The abuser hits a boundary that the girl has set and responds with understanding and respect. And he compliments and understands and changes the subject and then comes back and sneaks up on the boundary again. And he does this over and over until that boundary falls. ALl the time acting as though he is respecting her and giving her lavish compliments. And he breaks down all her boundaries like this - leaving her in an emotionally betrayed place. Weaponless".

This description really helped me understand the process....they really are so EVIL. I hope this helps even one person on this forum. Hugs to all!

Sep 16 - 2PM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Yes! So true!

This is exactly how it works! I've always been really good about making a guy use a condom. Well, CharlieSheenWinning finally wore me down on that -- by being yes-yes-yesssssshhhhh respectful and then in subtle ways breaking me down. I went on a trip with him and didn' pack condoms. Needless to say, he didn't, either. I risked my very health for that ringworm. Just got results this week from being tested for every terrible-awful-nasty that exists. I thank God it was all negative. It took me months to work up the nerve to go to my dr. and tell her I wanted to be tested. It took *another* month to work myself up to actually getting the blood tests. I was so scared I was literally shaking when the dr.'s office called with the results. I wanted to pass out. Then I was so *relieved* I *still* couldn't stop shaking! I will never compromise my boundaries again. Never. Ever. Ever.
Sep 16 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

So happy -

and thanking God with you that your tests were negative. The relief that comes from knowing that you are safe is such a BLESSING. Be proud of yourself for taking the steps necessary to bring peace of mind. I would encourage everyone who feels the need to be tested. Your results brought you one more step closer to closure. You are moving from victim to VICTORY! Blessings!
Sep 16 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Closure

Yes, it did bring me lots of closure to know there are no residual CharlieSheenNasties in my system! :):):) I hope by writing about how scared I was to take those steps that someone will read it and be inspired to do the same. Nothing is more important than your health. I think I'll do a seperate post just on that to encourage people.
Sep 16 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
MandyM
MandyM's picture

I went through the same thing

I went through the same thing - finally worked up the courage for tests. It was terrifying. Got my results back today - clean bill of health. :-) I asked my doctor if I could hug her. She held me while I cried. It really does bring closure. This was the last dark cloud over my head, the last possible thing to keep me tied to him. Now I can finally move forward toward a new life without having to look back over my shoulder.
Sep 16 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

Another great result!

Mandy ... thank you for sharing I am so very happy that the results turned out to be a clean bill of health! I like your comment that - "This was the last dark cloud over my head, the last possible thing to keep me tied to him". What a wonderful way to end this nightmare!!!! A new life :)) without having to look back over your shoulder! Hugs - wn
Sep 17 - 8AM (Reply to #10)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

I agree -- that's worded so

I agree -- that's worded so perfectly by Mandy! No more dark clouds hanging over our heads!!! Now there are no worries, no ties, just steps forward.
Sep 16 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
wisdomneeded
wisdomneeded's picture

Lobo555 sharing your fear,

will most certainly help someone else. I encourage you to post on that topic. Again - I am relieved for you and with you. WN
Sep 16 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

lobo555

I will never compromise my bounderies again...... love it... my saying is i will never compromise my ethics again,not for anybody or anything...xx
Sep 16 - 1PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

For sure

I was always confused by boundaries (full story on another post) or expectations. I would try to lay down a boundary but he always, little by little, broke through them - so tenacious. Or he would say something then not deliver. So it wasn't an expectation on my part because he had said it but again, everything would be turned upside down by him dodging the bullets if I ever pulled him up on it. He always changed the subject if he ever began to feel uncomfortable with where it was heading. No conclusion or closure. Just confusion and more confusion Dx
Sep 16 - 1PM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

So True

Yes. This is exactly what happened with me. He would say "I understand". He was soooooooo patient. And then "sneak" around a different way... couching it in different terms. Even to the point of saying, "I want you to walk away from me if you need to.." I had no idea the danger I was in. No idea.