How many of you have broken no contact recently?

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Mar 26 - 9PM
neverlookback's picture


But I am one SAD, woe is me, sorrowful pitiful person right now, and you know what thats ok, I would rather feel sorry for myself, cry, wine, have a pity party than contact that psychopath. This is about saving my life now. I tried for a year to go NC, failed so many times thought I would go insane if I didnt talk to him, even though it feels like I am going insane now things will make sense to me down the road. Dont beat yourself up for failing NC, hell I am NC and I beat myself up everyday, ha ha
Mar 27 - 8PM (Reply to #17)
BelleOk's picture I listen to that over and over some nights when I'm feeling the urge to respond to him. I think it helps. My xN still sends texts and "public" emails, trashing me to family, friends, etc. The things he writes about me are shocking, it's hard to not lash back. I think I beat myself up more for ever getting so involved with someone so nuts, than I do over snooping. He's been so awful to me that I cannot understand why I "dismissed" the awfulness when he was being great. I honestly feel insane.
Mar 26 - 5PM
WiserNow30's picture

Last Night

Last night I ran into the Ex N downtown when I was with some friends. I ignored him when I noticed he was there and as I was preparing to leave, he came up to me and called me a whore right to my face. What did I do? Slapped him right across the face. I totally snapped. Then I told him that he was dead to me and I walked away. When I left with my friend, he followed us to the restaurant and sent his friend inside to beg me to come outside and talk. I declined and they eventually left. How's that for a crazy Friday night.
Mar 26 - 9PM (Reply to #15)
neverlookback's picture

What a classy guy

ya we are whores because we left them and no longer worship their sick selves, then he wants to talk to you. They ARE DEAD and they always were dead inside. What a nice man cant he come up with anything better than that?
Mar 26 - 7PM (Reply to #14)
gettinbetter's picture

hmmm thats right up there

hmmm thats right up there with many years ago Mom and I going to the movies and having him show up in the same theater with a girl two rows behind. My Mom was so shocked because she didnt really subscribe to my fears that he was cheating on me. He had her and my Dad snowed. We got up to walk out and I lunged at him to hit him with her sitting right there. My Mom had to hold me back. Oh and My Mom is Miss Proper so that whole incident was just as traumatic for her. I know she was thinking OMG who just saw this LOL. My Mom very worried about appearances but she was a good Mom. I remember we went home and I laid on the couch with my head on her chest and sobbed while she ran her fingers thru my hair and I was 26 years old.
Mar 26 - 4PM
gettinbetter's picture

I did about 10 days ago when

I did about 10 days ago when all this started coming together for me. I let him know in a kind way that I know understand this dynamic between us and why he has been popping up in my life since age 17. I didn't. Use words like narc or codependency. Just explained the inner workings of our dynamic. Oh for sure he knows I'm on to him and he won't be back. He knows I know he is a fraud and that deep inside he is a shameful little boy. Or possibly he will show up again and take refuge in it. I think to a certain extent two wounded souls take refuge in each other but I'm hoping toheal from my wounds so I won't be a hospitable host. A question I still need to ponder. Why did I need to let him know I'm on to him. I guess I'm still a little stuck in that need to reign victorious over him. That would sugeest I have more work to do but atleast I get it now. For months and months I simply didn't get it
Mar 26 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
onwithmylife's picture


Got a question for you since i see myself a little in your searching,i once read that our thinking we could ever be the one to make a difference where other women had failed before us,shows us our own narc tendencies that need to be addressed, would you rather be right or happy, I asked that of the Narc and he immediately said right, very telling I thought. For me happy was my immediate answer,it is a great question to ask on a date which I will keep in mind for myself.I remember one guy i never dated but exchange emails said to me, you always have to have the last word, and as much as I did not like to hear that, has a valid point.
Mar 26 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
gettinbetter's picture

hmmm this is a tough one. For

hmmm this is a tough one. For me the answer would be both depending on the situation. You see right of my gut answer if im being honest I would say right. I like to be right but dont we all? On the idea of happy,I think I would answer happy when I declined to do something that made me feel vulnerable or at risk for be exposed as vulnerable. You see I have wrapped things I decline to do out of fear as I prefer to be happy. In actuality when something makes me feel vulnerable I sometimes wrap it up in "I didnt do that because it wasnt worth it to me I prefer to be happy" I have passed up opportunities in my career because of fear of failure and I would tell people I would rather be happy than do that. No that is actually no the truth. The truth is I would rather feel safe where I can control my environment and outcome. That makes me happy. That way I dont risk anyone seeing that I am flawed. I hope you understand what Im trying to say. For me I just have realized that for alot of my life I have been completely emotionally dishonest with myself. Answering people with what I should say not what I actually feel. Doing the supposed "right thing". My upbring was very much this is right and this is wrong type of uprbringing which breeds emotional dishonesty. You know today I thought of something you said to me months ago. You said "Sick of it why do you keep banging your head against the wall. You have a good life. Why dont you just go on and live" or something to that effect. My answer to myself was I DONT KNOW. All I know is this is compulsive for me. Thats when I really started thinking this is not freaking normal behavior. Narc or no Narc the compulsivity of this is not normal and thats when I really started digging went back to Sharis site and started researching trauma bonds, repetition compulsion and core wounds and it all started clicking. Its like I have been in a dark room and someone just flipped the lights on. You are one of the people who has seen me sit on this board for months with very little progress. Still banging my head against the wall without a clue as to why I was doing it.
Mar 26 - 4PM
Miss Lewis
Miss Lewis's picture

I relate!

Too many times. I feel a little stronger and I recover/bounce back a little quicker each time. The tools/ support from this board has helped me immensely!. When I break contact, I always feel like I have dissapointed god, my soul, my family and friends!I feel an icky feeling, as if I am betraying all that is good! I feel as though I am living a lie and I know it's wrong on a cellular level. Yet, once "NO-Contact" is broken, I feel like I am immediatly under a trance. I keep pinching myself, asking "Is this real? This can't be happening". I keep telling myself that no one can be truly evil! I had such a polyanaish attitude before I had met him. I than become fixated on him, and (like another member stated) develop a morbid fascination with his darkness, wanting more proof and finding it! It is hard because they take us off the course of our true path, we lose sight of our true divinity. They rob us of life itself! It is a soul crushing lesson, for sure. A lesson in loving yourself! But I try not to feel ashamed, remember we are having a normal and human reaction to a truly abnormal person/situation. We deserve happiness because we are loving beings and thats are god given right!No memeber on this forum will be eternally deprived of happiness, I am sure of that! I guess we keep slipping on our path until we master the lesson. I know the feeling of shame, trying to hide things from family and friends. We start to live a double life, like the Narc! We should be proud of the fact that we survived this disaster with our hearts intact. As long as we can feel, we are ok!
Mar 26 - 3PM
SoOverItNext's picture

I haven't had direct contact

I haven't had direct contact with him but I did check his facebook account which makes me feel kind of nuts. He recently went on a trip to New Orleans and bought new clothes and stayed in a really nice hotel and rented a GREAT car but told me he didn't have any money to help take care of our daughter. He gave me $60 for her in the past year. Oh....and a pair of shoes for Christmas. Why do I care what this loser is doing?????? It's sick!!!! However, it does feel better getting it out, I could never tell friends and family about this...So it's been bottled in and I'm glad that others understand me although I hate that you are going through these things as well.
Mar 26 - 4PM (Reply to #2)
gettinbetter's picture

Do u feel better now? A

Do u feel better now? A little sense of relief? I can tell you without a doubt bottled up shane will find a release some how some way. It is toxic energy and its gonna come out one way or another. For me hives and boils. Boils are infections. Staph infections I think. When I began to read about them it said they can also be a sign of emotional or spiritual unwellness. Crazy to think that it could cause an infection. Hives can also be caused by emotional unwellness. I have had both and I believe bottled up shame is at the root of it
Mar 26 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
SoOverItNext's picture

Oh wow! I have hives and

Oh wow! I have hives and boils, too! That sucks! I thought it was because of my changed eating habits. I am a nervous eater so I have gained 50lbs and lost 40lbs from the stress. I didn't realize that it can cause infections.
Mar 26 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Hunter's picture

Get to the DR

The stress may have caused shingles. Idealk
Mar 26 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
Jewwell's picture


I had shingles in the summer of 2009 - after knowing the N and working together about 4 months. There was INCREDIBLE stress between the N and the owner of the business and I was always in the middle. It was bad, really bad.
Mar 26 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter's picture

Well I dont know if it causes

Well I dont know if it causes infections but stress wears down your immune system. So it would natural that you would be more susceptible to infections. But boils. I mean those are just not all that common anymore. I suppose it could be from diet but mine hasnt really changed. I think when you are emotionally unwell it permeates every part of your body allowing those things to develop and the toxicity to get out. The day I had my hives so bad my mind was completely clear. It was like I had been vacum sealed and someone opened me up and let the pressure out. So so weird
Mar 27 - 6AM (Reply to #5)
Swan's picture

I broke NC too

and I feel really bad about myself for doing it. I was just so darn lonely because he isolated me from all my friends and family and I have no one to talk to anymore, except for him. At those low moments, I think "well at least its someone to talk to" and answer his call, I call him call or go see him. I know its the worst thing for me, but how to I make new friends when I work in a job that is pretty isolating as well and have no time to join groups or anything because I work all the time!??
Mar 27 - 7AM (Reply to #6)
onwithmylife's picture


It is tough because I have a small network of friends and very little family still left. Last year he wrote to me that he would get me for harassement if he see me on the steps of his house, yea right like I am going to see the ass****hardly. I hope he just rots by himself, because that is what he deserves and i think he knows he cannot have a relationship with any woman, he is too far just need to make an effort to do things you like so you can meet new people, i know it is hard i moved to a new state and know no one, but i do some volunteer work as well as starting a new job, give yourself the kick in the ass!