How long was your relationship with Narc

we were off/on for 14 years. met him when he was breaking up with wife1. after 1.5 years, i was dumped for someone else. then, long distance on/off for a few years until he disappeared to marry wife2. after 3 years of NC, he showed up at my doorstep and said he and wife2 were on the outs. so, i relocated halfway across the country to move in with him. absolute bliss at first....then after a few years, his true colors started to show until this last horrific D&D. Adding it all up, were were actualy only physically together 7 years, with the other 7 in long-distance limbo. His other two marriages lasted about 4 or 5 years and they both had ugly endings. I was blinded by my love for him and my need to fix him. He told me I was his soulmate, when really I was just either current or backup supply. A classic N who cannot be alone. He repeats the same sh*t cycle over and over again - seeking out the "perfect" partner, ultimately destroying them, saying they are crazy, blaming them (me) for all that went wrong - and remaining *completely* untouched and oblivious to his part in it.

i was with my narc 2.5 years. i left my healthy 7-year relationship for this man. it was much easier to leave the 7-year relationship than leaving the narc. before the 7-year i was in a 1-yr relationship, with somebody whom i now think might be a narc. i was really young then, and didn't know better. i just knew it didn't feel right and i had nightmares with him. i have never been as in love as i was with this last narc though. i fell head over heels for him. my next therapy session: figure out why i ended up with 2 marcs so far and how to never do it again.

If you add up all the months we were really together, 2.5 yrs. What part was really a relationship? Several months and he was gone emotionally when I started to peel away the layers. As my mom has told me many times, "You ended it long ago when you started to peel back the layers and exposed the rotten core. He could not handle it. He needed to be in control and admired at all times. You questioning and expecting him to participate in the relationship was not working for him. Of course he had to go and find someone else. You had his number a long time ago." It lasted longer because either I convinced him to give it another try, or he needed a soft place to land and use someone until he had another supply lined up and money in the bank to move out.

From 1997-2006...was married from 1999-2008. Seems like another lifetime.

Fours years, give or take, in total. Nothing to speak of, until the last year or two. Edit: Then again, I think I might've been conditioned the whole time. He had to collect enough information, right? At various points, I had the sneaking suspicion that he was someone I had talked to before. That is, posing as someone else. If that was indeed the case, and I still don't know, it would've been closer to 5-6 years. My sense of time is off. I should clarify that there was never an actual, physical, relationship. Luckily, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me start to question my marriage, as well as myself, and my sanity. When your mind is somewhere else, it's dangerous, because your body can follow. It's not a nice thing to do to yourself, nor your significant other. I don't recommend it.

It feels like a lot longer but I suppose the main "part" was only about 4 months. Him coming back and us becoming "friends" dragged things out longer until I realised it was just the same crap with a different topping.

I 'dated' xn for a year. Well, he lived with me for a year. And not surprisingly enough, the relationship just as you explain yours, was truly about 6 months. It was over waaaay before the official year. I am a few weeks nc and having the hardest time not missing him. I'm not sure if you've read my story or my posts. But my story is a very harsh one. With physical abuse as well as the emotional. I had a 6 year relationship before xn, and it was easier for me to let go of that relationship than that with xn. Crazy how they get so far into your brain and STAY there huh?

I dated my first xnh for 6 months, and then was married to him for 5 1/2 years. I married him right after I graduated from high school. I had a relationship my second xnh for 8 years, and then I was married to him 8 years (for a total of 16 years with him). Yes, I'm a slow learner and stupidly fell for PDI's twice. This second relationship was way too rocky between us from the start, and I felt that I going to take my sweet time marrying again because I'd jumped into things way too quickly the first time around. Instead I merely jumped into another relationship with a narc, and it lasted longer this time (and was more damaging to me). I seem to learn things the hard way. :( Now that I'm out of both messes and am on my own again, I'm educationing myself, working on my recovery, and I intend to protect myself from ever getting involved with a narc again if there's any way possible. I was single for 12 years between the two relationships (and quite happy that way). However, during that period, I did not know about NPD and was not working on recovery for myself. Basically I stayed injured, uneducated, and (apparently) still quite vulnerable. My second xnh certainly seemed to pick me out quickly as a good target anyway. At this point, I'm now trying to educate myself as much as possible and working on healing/recovery. I don't intend to repeat this trauma ever again, if I can help it. I've had more than enough to do with narcs to last me the rest of my life. I'm done with disordered relationships.

Started dating when I was 19/he was 22. I am now 29. He's gotten worse and worse over the years. Also, I think that lots of stuff that I let slide were things that were more acceptable for a college guy, but you accept that they eventually will grow out of it. I also think that I was very young and didn't have previous relationship experience. We were married in 2005 and he got much worse when we got engaged but I thought it was a phase. That he was just miserable with his job and the distance between us (I have moved after college). We lived together full time for about 9 months after we got married and then he got fired from his job and had to take a job working out of town during most of the week. I KNOW that the reason we were married for so long was because he was gone the majority of the week. Otherwise, I would have gone crazy/ended it much sooner.

It lasted as long as my college education. I went complete NC after graduation- it would've been difficult to maintain NC for the most part if I had stayed in New Mexico. Basically, the abandonment he feared would happen when I graduated happened. If the ex-Psych prof had been a fellow classmate, I would've kicked him to the curb earlier. I dealt with a Narc in high school... and it was easier to keep my distance with him than with the ex-P. Because the ex-P was an authority figure, I took him seriously. Normal people fear the loss of authority if they're an authority figure, but I think with Ns/Ps the fear is even greater.

In my experience, none of the relationship with the Narcs lasted longer than one year, maybe less. Usually after 4 or 5 months of closeness they started showing off their true colours. The pain they bring on us is unbelievable, although the stories did not last long. They are so destructive.

I was with mine for 3 years and with my ex-husband 11. The years with the narc was a million times harder because of the trauma bonding than with my ex-husband. It's been the hardest and I mean the absolute hardest thing I've ever had to do. To walk away and not take him back yet again. Very hard.

I was with him 5 yrs and left 7 months ago I was in another relationship with my ex for 11 yrs and that was easier to move past than this one was. And it was not because I loved one more than the other, it was ALL about the trauma bonding.

It does not surprise me that you feel the Narc had more effect on you than your Exhusband, I felt the same way with exNarc, he broke up with me so many times I lost count and that is the truth!He put all his disorders and dysfunctions onto me and blamed me for anything and everything that he never took responsibility for, All the anger and rage he directed at me and the other 4 major women in his life should have been directed at his mother for something happened so wrong in her parenting of him, he never recovered.She wanted a girl inititally and then smothered,doted on him,kept him real close to her apron strings. He at the age of late 60's is still scared of women and is a frightened little 2 year old toddler in the guise of a adult man.Scares that will last a lifetime, I just hope I have a chance at another healthy relationship!