How to keep from looking at his Facebook...let's have a challenge! :=)

46 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Dec 23 - 11AM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

How to keep from looking at his Facebook...let's have a challenge! :=)

ImStrong, one of the posters here, I believe it was her...she said that she has gone 32 days NC. I am on day 8 of that, but still have a weakness to look at his FB. I want to break this, and she commented that she is going to begin a 32 day plan of not looking at his FB. So...I was thinking we could have a thread here for us, for support, when we're feeling weak and tempted to look, etc to help keep us on track. Looking at their FB's ...it isn't like direct contact, but I feel like it opens a wound that's trying to heal, for some reason. Despite no contact.

So...who's with me? :D If you're struggling in this area...let's help each other ''fast'' from looking at things that don't help us.

Dec 25 - 2AM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Welcome Justice

Yes it is hard and difficult to not look during these holidya times even around newyears when the Narc must find somebody to be with..They are strange little creaturews who are addicted to people anybody will do..That lack of boundries thre can reflect and show us w need a grip on our boundries..we had no boundreis with them..just as he has no boundries with the people he choose anyone will do..We need to not look at FB and keep our boundries whole..the OW can have him they all learn sooner than later..Keep this Day for God..Even if you slip remember God knows your troubles and knows you better that anyone..he knows you the best your his child and he's your father..He will not judge you nor hurt you all he does is everything for your own good.. Be strong and Even if you have to take baby steps slow days one day at a time..you have to do it..we will overcome where strongx

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 25 - 12AM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Christmas can be tempting...

...to look at your ex's FB. I think that what makes it tempting, is that you might be wondering what he did today...who he did it with...etc...etc. For me, this is my first holiday away from the narc. I haven't known him all that long, really. (spring of this year we met) I wish everyone here great courage...don't look. Keep yourself filled with the awe of Christmas. It's an awesome day, filled with blessings...if we but notice them. So...take your gaze and place it on God. He loves you. He doesn't want you doing things to hurt yourself any longer. Be strong! MERRY CHRISTMAS. Day 3....
Dec 24 - 11PM
justicejones
justicejones's picture

I want to do this...I admit

I want to do this...I admit it will be the hardest thing. And also not to look at the OW's fb page also! I am in. Let's hold eachother accountable. I am glad I have finally started getting involved in these message boards after over a year of looking at them. So thankful you all are here! Merry Christmas.
Dec 24 - 1PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

DAY 2 For me too

Day 2 and I feel great im giving each day to God and enjoying my Narc free christmas..You are doing great Deidre99 and betty thankyou for your kind words along with all you lovely smart women..we have come so far in this trama why let a little addiction get us now..some may need to do a challenge like Deidre99 and I and some may not..what ever it is ..its working and where healing..no matter how you do it..do it big and that's what Deidre99 and I and whoever wants to participate in this challenge is doing..remember wherwhere doing this all for ourselves no one else..we must climb that hill before we start a new on..I see peace in that next hill and I will go through any challenged or hurdle to get there.. Lets Do this once and for all "In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess you"

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 24 - 3PM (Reply to #42)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Yes, we can do this

Yes, we can do this imstrong! I'm not having that great of a day, though. Nothing to do with the narc....just where I am in my life. Got a new job, and I'm having second thoughts about it. I wish I never met the narc this year...and trying to get into the holiday spirit, and it's just not happening. I am also not feeling well, and that's not helping. Anyways...here's to a new year approaching...new beginnings!
Dec 24 - 10AM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Day 2

How are we doing ladies? Hopefully, everyone's staying strong?
Dec 24 - 12AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

It is very hard initially to

It is very hard initially to control these impulsive behaviors. We want to know what they are up to. Is he trolling out new supply? Does he have a new partner ect.. As we know the reason for NC is for our own safety and sanity. PDIs have the ability to mind screw a person from thousands of miles away. Thanks to the internet. We have to realize that we are only hurting ourselves by this action. If you haven't yet hon, at some point you will find something that will send you into a tail spin and cause your cognitive dissonance to sky rocket. The object or name of the game in recovery is full and complete removal from any association or contact with the Narcissist so you can heal. This is not possible with any form of contact because of what we do when we are delivered with information that our minds can not decipher or deal with. Ultimately is adding insult to our injury and those obsessive thoughts will continue to plague you. Please dont put yourself in these compromising positions. It is not going to move you forward but set you back and delay the process of healing. xoxo Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Dec 24 - 10AM (Reply to #38)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

betty

Appreciate this insight better. And agree. It's time to just close the door on all of this. I want this whole thing, these last several months, behind me. I want to restore myself to the fun loving, happy go lucky person I used to be. Lessons learned. Thanks betty!
Dec 24 - 10AM (Reply to #39)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

You can do this girl! Be

You can do this girl! Be kind and gentle to yourself. You owe this to you! Block this man and take back your life!! Lots of Love!!! Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Dec 24 - 9AM (Reply to #33)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

So true

Hi Betty, Everything you said is so true. One slight tidbit of info is enough to set you back for days or even weeks. I like what you said about how they can get to you from thousands of miles away. They sure can. I miss you on here, hope all is well with you and I totally understand that you are working hard on getting everything up and running for the new site. God bless, Goldie
Dec 24 - 11AM (Reply to #35)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Oh yes, they can reach us

Oh yes, they can reach us from space if we let them. Its about exercising self-restraint in our actions. Before we attempt to do something that will inevitable harm us in any fashion, we need to ask ourselves "what purpose will this serve?" "What do i stand to gain?" and finally, "what do i stand to loose?". We have all lost so much in the twisted world of the Narc. Can we really afford to loose any more? I dont know about anyone else but i know I can not. Im used up with the xN. NO MORE will he ever take from me, b/c I wont allow it to happen. I Miss you too my Goldie Gurl!!!! We have to chat and get caught up. I have been working on the new recovery workbook, the website and another project that is yet to be revealed. One that is sure to make a dramatic change for the victims of PDIs. But i miss all of you so much. I want you to know that your in my heart every moment of the day. You are all what drives me to put all efforts into this cause. Not only my personal experience but the desire to find a solution to help those out there that are still suffering. The answers are there, but the action to put them into place takes time. I have learned the true meaning of patients. I have every intention of returning full time, as of now i dont have a date on this but when i do, it will be with a special gift that i do believe will bring much relief. Enough said on that till a later date..... :) I hope you are doing well... And Merry Christmas and Happy New year!!! Lots of Love Betty only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Dec 24 - 1PM (Reply to #37)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Hmmm a surprise, I love it!!!

Hi Betty, Wonderful to hear from you, yes let's catch up soon. You have been my rock on many occasions and your goodness never goes unnoticed by us. Merry Christmas and the best New Year ever to you as well. God bless, Goldie
Dec 24 - 1PM (Reply to #36)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

oxoxoxox Happy!!!

Happy, You are on your way, I can feel it!!! Sorry you needed to go back one last time. I did that as well with him the first time he got out of jail 9 months ago and it cost me another 5 grand, more yelling directly into my ear, more damage on my house, more hateful insults, lies, learning that he cheated on me, finding out he NEVER loved me and was using me the entire time, more damage to my car, more bills, more pain, more pain to my body, mind, and soul, more embarassment, more humiliation, more selfish detatched sex, more loss of respect from my friends and family, more stress to my body, Did I forget anything.....So.....I guess a little peak at FACEBOOK is hardly worth dredging up all that shit again for ANY reason. They are just not worth it and WHY??? Because they are no damn good. Like my son said which sums it up beautifully: Mom M--- is just NOT spiritual. Doesn't that kind of say it all? Who really wants to spend their life with the DEVIL? Not I. God bless, Goldie
Dec 24 - 10AM (Reply to #34)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I'm with goldie and Betty

I know that looking at his fb would cause me more harm than good. I know he is out to cause me pain if I allow him to get to me. I am so much better off staying far away from anything he's associated with and that's my every intent. Good luck and I hope you stay far away to recover.
Dec 23 - 10PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Yes I am feeling soo much

Yes I am feeling soo much better because I talked to you guys..this is really addiction ..I just have to stop getting this supply from him..it feels like im getting supply like how these N get..its like a quick fix to the healing ..Hope your doing Fine D..You have my support..Hugs "In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess you"

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 23 - 9PM
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Something refreshing to share

This is strange. For the first time, in this whole NC thing (8 days now)...I don't have hostility towards N. I just thought about him, I hadn't thought about him much today...and no feelings really came up. Just sort of indifference. I know this. I can't and won't look at his FB, but just wanted to share this *feeling* as it feels pretty good, to not feel up OR down right now, about him. Just indifference. Just sharing. :=)
Dec 23 - 9PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

AJRD

Don't unblock him ..I did that and got nothing from it ..it was like I took a hit..I unblocked the OW and got nothing ontop of that just her bragging about there love..Learn from me that its like we need there supply..there FB supply..look at it as we are becoming a N like them..You don't want that right.. So don't unblock him and get your supply..you have to be strong and conquer this ..its killing me right now I want to see if they will be spending Xmas together and Newyears..I want to see if its real. Whatever you Do do not Unblock..let that N starve..but to do that you must starve too with NFBC at all Be strong sis..we can do it "In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 23 - 8PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Deidre99

Yes your right..I have to be strooooong...its exactly what you said I want to see if it was me that he didn't love or liked..I want to see her get the same pain and hurt I received..I want him to move on and be with a OW like he did me..I want him to be with anyone eccept her..I just ant him to prove to me he's a N...a big dumb N..this is hard and I think in some ways im still attached..I hate that the old him is still in my heart the old mask..he obviously has moved on and deleted me fully from his life..we been together for a montha nd a half..and he's been cheating with her through the whole time..now he's with her..and she saying all these things about being so happy to see his text..his name when it comes up all the great stuff I useto enjoy.. They both have single on ther fb..but are obviously together..I guess hell be with her through xmas and newyears and I never experienced that..he was with her during the lunar eclipse..urrrrrrrr...grrr The damn thing is he litterally lives up the damn block.. he always said cant be with me at all..I always fought for him to stay..thatsw because he wantedher..that hurt Im fighting not to give the pig my energy and the rest of my soul..I must detach "In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess you"

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 23 - 9PM (Reply to #28)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Imstrong

Oh, okay...I see. So, you were together not very long...sounds like the narc I had and me. We broke up several months ago! Be thankful though, yours ended abruptly...in a way. Because for me and the N...he and I were ''friends'' and all this time, he played cruel mental games with me. I accepted them of course, but really...the relationship should have just ended way back when. Instead it dragged on and on...almost like we were together, but ''friends.'' He would tell me about women he liked...thought were hot...(he used to say I was hot)...told me about a woman he slept with, etc. ''Oh, does this hurt you?'' he'd say. NO...It did not hurt me. It hurt me that he'd say such a thing. Right then and there, I knew he was playing me. Ugh. It hurts imstrong. But, we have the power to stop the pain. I also believe that we have to find joy, aside from men. Having a healthy and satisfying relationship can be a great thing, but it's not the end all be all...having a strong faith, and being happy in one's life, independent of another...is what is important. I know you will heal of this... He most likely is treating her the same way. Not that that should be consolation, but narcs can't change. They really can't. They just change the people they abuse.
Dec 23 - 8PM
AJRD
AJRD's picture

I am so close to unblocking him tonight...somebody stop me!

Why do I want to look at it? All it will do is upset me. He'll be all pompous and happy about everything and I'll be just miserable. It's been 3 weeks since he was blocked and he needs to STAY that way...I know! It's just hard.
Dec 23 - 9PM (Reply to #26)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Yes...keep him

Yes...keep him blocked. Imagine if this was a drinking problem you had. Would you hang out at a bar? Probably not. I liken this to that, for some of us. It is hard...we want to for some reason, check up on them. But, all it does is open an old wound desperately trying to heal. God wants to heal us and free us of this pain. But, we have to cooperate with Him. lol Hang in there...don't unblock him. We are coming to your rescue. ((hugs))
Dec 23 - 7PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

Deidre99 I need your help

Deidre99 I need your help girl its 8:37 right now and even though I blocked the OW I have to wait 48 hours for his to be blocked...Im becoming very very tempted to look at his FB account..I need some coping guidence..its in a way calling me ..nights and mornings are my hardest to not look ..because mostly this is his time to talk about the OW..I need some support..Thanks "In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 23 - 8PM (Reply to #24)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

{{{I'MSTRONG}}}

{{{imstrong}}} Ok...how I'm processing this for myself, and let's see if it helps you....is I'm asking myself: ''what benefit does this do for me to look at his FB?'' So, ask yourself...as Briseis pointed out here too...why are we doing this? Is it because we miss them? And we feel more connected? Is it because we can't believe the person is out of our lives, and we want to stay connected in some way? I have to say, neither is the case for me...so what's my reason that I have been looking? I think for me, he was my friend. I at least was a friend to him, and I can't lie. I miss the friendship, sometimes. The person I thought he was. He helped me a lot in many ways...he wasn't all bad. But, the dark side of him sort of ruined everything. Narcs are humans too. On some level, you miss the person you thought he was. But, he had a dark side also. And it sounds like he has another woman in his life...so you are thinking...is it working out with her? And if it isn't...in some ways, maybe you feel validated. Like it couldn't have been you. If he can hold it together with another woman, this man you loved...then, you will say to yourself it had to be you. That could be why you look. For each of us, the reasons are different. But...the end result is the same...wounds being opened. So, let's try to seal these wounds--together. No more looking. No matter how hard...you have to tell yourself, it's worse to look than not. It might be hard to NOT look, but the pain of looking can often be greater. I am praying hard for you, imstrong, that you do not look!! We can do this.
Dec 23 - 2PM
ImStrong
ImStrong's picture

That's the rules to block

That's the rules to block both him and the OW...I blocked the OW and have blocked him..we not going to dwell on not blocking them and what it would do..where just going to go straight into NFBC cold turkey and not look back..harsh real reality..we have hurt so long and we have become addicted for way too long.. NFBC enables us to officially be NC in a two part setting..lets not even think how it hurts us..because what our mines would do is become addicted to the pain just like our N relationships.. Lets think of the positive and Joy ahead..Complete N free life whew.. Everyone raise your Middle fingers in the air..we mean business this time Narc Free for real NFBC and NC combine we are Strong "In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess you"

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

Dec 23 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Blocking him (and OW) on

Blocking him (and OW) on Facebook will prevent you from seeing him even if you do a detailed SEARCH for him. I am such a party pooper. You may boo, hiss, throw rotten tomatos and old ugly Christmas ornaments at me if you want :P Just block him. Away with all this drama! Don't indulge this one more second. You gotta ask yourself why you would NOT block someone who brought you such pain and misery. You gotta ask yourself WHY you would be willing to "torture" yourself. It's like saving a few fleas in a jar while you flea bomb your house. It's like saving the lives of a few head lice while you shampoo with Nix. It's like saving an intestinal worm and re-inserting it into your body after you've dosed yourself with de-worm medicine. Now why on God's green earth would you do that?? You gotta get honest with yourself. If you don't block him, then you don't WANT to block him. Which follows with you don't want to block him cuz you are still interpreting the "contact" with his FB as pleasurable and necessary. Which by definition is LUNACY, right? Don't indulge this lunacy. You're all here to get WELL, not play games with matches and gasoline.
Dec 23 - 8PM (Reply to #21)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

Briseis

Because in some way, I miss the friendship we shared. It wasn't 24/7 100% of the time bad. It was bad and good. But, the good, I'm starting to think was an illusion. It's hard when you shared so much with someone...only to have them vanish out of your life. It's a loss of sorts, and that's really probably it for me, if I'm honest. Just miss our everyday chit chat...but, I don't miss his hurtful ways. His insults...his games. Whenever I get like this, I have to remind myself...of the TOTAL person he was. He wasn't just the small % that was nice, very few times. He was the other person too. But on day 8 of no contact...day 1 of no FB viewing, and I'm going pretty good. Just being honest with you and others (and myself) as to why I have been tempted to look. Briseis...when you first went NC, how long did it take you, would you say...before it became natural, and not a forced effort for you to do, everyday?
Dec 23 - 3PM (Reply to #18)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Briseis

I call it the "wannafactor" If ya wanna, you will do ANYTHING. My kids hate when they ask me for advise and I "go into" the "wannafactor" LMAO Ya gotta wanna!
Dec 23 - 8PM (Reply to #19)
Deidre99
Deidre99's picture

But, that is why we started

But, that is why we started this thread...to support each other when we're feeling...'the iwanna' factor. ;) lol
Dec 25 - 8AM (Reply to #20)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Deidre99.

Good, the "wannafactor" in your case is the "I don't wanna look at FB" Good luck, and beleeeee me honey, it doesn't take long before ya just don't care! His FB won't matter, naturally. Hugs!
Dec 23 - 1PM (Reply to #17)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

"Its like saving an

"Its like saving an intestinal worm and reinserting it into your body after you have dosed youre self with de worm medicine.Now why on Gods green earth would you do that ?".... sorry but thats just too funny , you made me spill my tea lol x