How eerily articulate we all are

51 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 22 - 12AM

helldweller

How eerily articulate we all are

Bottom line: Has anyone else noticed how amazingly well spoken, articulate and grammatically adept all of us are? Every single one? Honestly, it just floors me every day. There has to be some mathematical equation that proves these people target smart, witty, capable victims.

#2 Jul 27 - 8PM

sweetsamm

pretty too!

Not only did i notice that,but i also noticed how cute all the women on here are too.....really attractive women!

#3 Jul 28 - 8AM (Reply to #50)

betty2020

I thought the same thing!

I thought the same thing! Beautiful, intelligent, caring. Umm I really think this needs further studying. ????? BTW. I think it is great that others have come forward to post their pictures on the board. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#4 Jul 26 - 9PM

Susan32

Writing-my problem AND my cure

My ex-Psychopathic professor ALWAYS flattered my writing. He hardly ever criticized it. When I honestly asked him if I was THAT good a writer, he said yes. I basically took a 2 year hiatus from writing after the D&D. My ex-P had been very possessive. When I talked about going to another professor as a seminar essay advisor, he did the "PLEEEASE STAY." This is the same ex-P who tried to defame me on account of his still non-existent Wittgenstein/Augustine book. It would've been published... when the class of 2010 were freshmen. He had such a delusional sense of time that he put "1998" on his 1996 lecture on Wittgenstein. There's a copy in the college library now... and I'm one of the few who knows the date is a lie. He claimed his Wittgenstein article would be published in 1998. It wasn't published till 2001. Oh, the irony. I'm STILL writing. I've been published. My ex-P targeted a curator (NOT a job for slackers) You can't fake being a journalist (like myself) or faking being a curator (like the OW, who became my ex-P's wife) But one can fake being a philosopher.

#5 Jul 24 - 1PM

wholeagain

Definitely

Noticed this right off the bat.

#6 Jul 24 - 12PM

Kelly

Yep!

It's what attracts them to us and what makes them want to bring us down. They seek all the qualities they want to posses and then hate you because deep down, they know they cannot. So they devalue you, degrade you and then jump to the next target! He would rather believe that you are not good enough for him. And he will find the most inane reasons to put you down! It's all smoke screen objections though. If he says you're too opinionated - - it's probably because, you won't conform to his opinion. He will turn all the qualities that he once seemed to appreciate so much about you into what he dislikes about you. Things that he said he found endearing, he will suddenly find disgusting. He will find no fault in himself. He put you on a pedestal when he was seducing you, now he wants to kick you off, jump back on his own pedestal and spit on you from above. It makes him look pretty pathetic when you can observe this behavior from a distance. A little child reclaiming his throne and saying I am king! Off with her head!

#7 Jul 27 - 5PM (Reply to #46)

Susan32

So right on the money

One of my friends said the same thing--what my ex-P could not own, he wanted to destroy. No wonder my ex-P professor tried to ruin my teaching career. "If he says you're too opinionated it's because you won't conform to his opinion"-My ex-P accused me of being narcissistic or not listening to him when I disagreed with him. What's odd about my ex-P was that he said that teachers are supposed to be indifferent and not have any opinions of their own, lest they indoctrinate their students. My reply was that yes, he could have original ideas AND be able to teach his students. It wasn't either/or. All he could mechanically say was "Wittgenstein says/said." His "opinions" on vegetarianism were borrowed (i.e. stolen) from one of his mentors. He couldn't come up with an original idea-yet he couldn't tolerate criticism. Never got that. "He will find the most inane reasons to put you down"-Same here. He'd mock the food I ate, food portions. He got on my case because he told me to critique his essay--then he got mad because I critiqued it. He used the phrase "in which" too much. "They seek all the qualities they want to possess"-As my mother said about my ex-P, he didn't like me;he liked the concept of me. He admired my qualities, but not me--then hated me for them.

#8 Jul 25 - 11AM (Reply to #41)

Lisa E. Scott

Kelly

Wow, Kelly. This is so well-said: "They seek all the qualities they want to posses and then hate you because deep down, they know they cannot. So they devalue you, degrade you and then jump to the next target! He would rather believe that you are not good enough for him. And he will find the most inane reasons to put you down! It's all smoke screen objections though. If he says you're too opinionated - - it's probably because, you won't conform to his opinion. He will turn all the qualities that he once seemed to appreciate so much about you into what he dislikes about you. Things that he said he found endearing, he will suddenly find disgusting. He will find no fault in himself. He put you on a pedestal when he was seducing you, now he wants to kick you off, jump back on his own pedestal and spit on you from above."

#9 Jul 25 - 10PM (Reply to #43)

Leah2

Lisa, Kelly...

Why, why, why do they do this? I have read so much about the fact that they are 5 year olds in an adult body. But why throw away love? Why not cherish it and try to change? My ex-H has been seeing a psychologist (on my suggestion) since last November, when he started acting strangely Is there no cure...no hope that they will see the light? I have been "lucky" to have been abused "only psychologically/emotionally" (though I;d argue that that is hell since it makes you look like a mad woman) while many of this board have been subject to physical abuse, financial ruin, horrible stories of womanizing. I do not want in any way to defend what my emotionally-empty and utterly cold husband did when he spun my mind around and then left me in the middle of a street with divorce papers in hand, all the while I was hysterical in tears and trying to tell him how much I loved him. But surely they wake up one day and see what they have lost? Or do they wander the planet assuming that they will stumble on someone who cares for them as much as the last person did? I certainly do not have that faith in people. I have no hope of ever finding someone for whom I will care as I did for my husband, who I will love so deeply. How dare they assume that they will find this when they have left us in the gutter? And why can they not, at some stage (ideally with US) have simply seen what they had was so amazing? Are they addicted to the high they get from a new love? Are they so broken that they can not see (like a diabetic whose body can not dea with sugar, perhaps)? the love and absorb it???

#10 Jul 25 - 10PM (Reply to #44)

Janet

Oh Leah, we have been where

Oh Leah, we have been where you are, others are still where you are. For me it helped to read as much as possible about sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths. It is not curable. They are broken. You are not. Hurt, in deep disbelief, but not broken. You can get through this. Peace. J

Peace. J

#11 Jul 25 - 11PM (Reply to #45)

Kelly

Leah

I'm still very hurt and as much as I understand what narcissism is now, I'm guarding my heart more than I ever have. Unfortunately, all you said is true. It's just a high for them. They love you sure, like a five year old can love. Not in an emotionally mature way. Read what Lisa wrote about her diagnosed NPD said about loving her. He loved her like he loved his cat! Sociopaths are soulless creatures. I dated one. He was pure evil and possessed no true human emotions. Narcissists, well, they are children stuck in grown up bodies. Someone posted this link here a while back: http://planetjan.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/the-mirror-talks-reflections-on-narcissism-1/ The writer of this blog really put it in perspective about whether or not a narcissist is capable of recovery. He says that NPD is woven into the fiber of their personality. If you try to remove the NPD, the whole personality falls apart. It's just part of who they are. Also, he said you can visualize their true self's as fossilized embryos. That really helped me. I'm definitely guilty of having fantasized about curing my exN. His true self was never allowed to develop. It's not hiding somewhere. It's not buried just waiting for the right girl to work some magic. It's dead. His mother and father killed it a long long time ago before we met. None of that was my fault. None of it was your fault. He was an onion who can only make you cry as you try to peel it to get to the core, just to find out, there is no core. . . I don't remember which member posted this link, but thank you!

#12 Jul 25 - 3PM (Reply to #42)

Kelly

Thanks Lisa :)

It's the formula isn't it? These guys are babies. Btw . . I just watched the film "Gloria." A tough mob lady played by Gena Rowland ends up having to rescue her neighbors son when they are murdered by her mob friends. The dynamic between the kid and Gena Rowland's character is an amazing thing to see when you get narcissistic male behavior in relationships. Here is a very street smart, tough woman who always takes care of herself and doesn't need a man - and you have to see how this kid responds to her. He claims her as his "mother, his whole family, his girlfriend and even his friend." Watch the way he treats her. It's really strange to watch because he is a child, but it's like the visual of what it is to be in a relationship with a narcissist. He's a child! He's not "The man."

#13 Jul 24 - 11AM

Lisa E. Scott

Helldweller

Great point! I couldn't agree more. Everyday I am amazed and moved by the insight, wisdom and strength of everyone here. Congrats on your upcoming move on September 1st!!!!

#14 Jul 22 - 8PM

smileyfacepr

Lmao

Yes I noticed a long time ago...we r all articulate and smart and witty..we r the bomb!! xoxoxo

smileyfacepr

#15 Jul 22 - 9PM (Reply to #37)

betty2020

Smiley girl...so happy to

Smiley girl...so happy to have you back....xoxoxo): only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#16 Jul 24 - 11AM (Reply to #38)

smileyfacepr

thank u betty

glad to be back!! xoxoxo

smileyfacepr

#17 Jul 22 - 11AM

Qing Yuan

I agree..

Yes It true and its amazing really that we didnt have the ability to be the same when the narcs are around. I just couldnt manage to 'verbally' out wit him.. WEll for me personlly anyway... My marc husband went through a real phase of correcting my speaking. In the 'thick' of the bad times he really enjoyed showing me how stupid I was and how dumb he thought I was, pointing out anything that 'he thought' I got wrong... I was so frustarted by him. I stopped sepaking at all. Its a wonder we manage to retain out voices at all. there are cases of children who stop speaking because they are abused by there parents who belittle and destroy every little thing they say or do. I am fired up that we have this place to share our thoughts and feelings and ideas without any contempt or aubuse from others. Its great that we can talk and express ourselves so freely here.. thanks to all. x

#18 Jul 27 - 6PM (Reply to #35)

Susan32

Self-censorship

I could NEVER be too happy or too successful around my ex-Psychopath professor. I had to censor my happiness and success. When I joyfully talked about a family vacation to Yellowstone, he said it was overrated. If I was happy about ANYTHING, he'd fret and I'd have to tone it down. He'd tell me to "be more serious" and urge me to be emotionless. He couldn't stand it if I was happy just to be with him. My friends hated how I'd automatically become gloomy in his presence. During the D&D, when he publicly humiliated me, I'd agree with him... because otherwise his anger would escalate. I'd agree with him outwardly but be hurt inside. It took me awhile to get my voice back and say that what he was doing was emotionally painful. "I couldn't verbally outwit him"-In class, if I tried to get my ex-P to think "outside the box",he'd stonewall me. He hated being stumped... and when I asked him something from a differing perspective, he'd clam up. So he looked for ways to stump me and get the last word. He wanted me to look stupid in front of my fellow students. That's NOT how a healthy teacher/student relationship is supposed to be.

#19 Jul 27 - 6PM (Reply to #34)

AnotherPath

Vix

I had exactly that too. I stopped speaking because he would correct me all the time. I got used to talking in my head, if that makes sense. I would speak in my head rather than voice it. One other thing he did was if I said something he'd respond with "no" or "that's not actually right" then would proceed to agree with me. "No" was another word in my head. As soon as I did say something out loud, I would say a silent "no"in my head to beat him to it.

Ending the dance

#20 Jul 25 - 12PM (Reply to #33)

Scoop

Its funny because i use to

Its funny because i use to correct my narc speach , he would say "done" instead of "did" ...I would usualy do it to wind him up , or to have some rest bite on this marathon dialogues about how he saw the world , it worked because he would loose his deluded train of thought and i could nip in to change the subject to save my sanity .

#21 Jul 22 - 2PM (Reply to #31)

WellRed

Vix

It's funny - I stoppped talking to the N about 13 years ago and he still hasn't noticed!!

#22 Jul 23 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

almostlydia

LMAO! I know what you mean.

LMAO! I know what you mean. I used to say 'so what did I just say' just for the fun of seeing that panic in his eyes:)

almostlydia

#23 Jul 22 - 10AM

sarahb

yes!

I have thought the exact same thing! Honestly, I have never seen a message board like this one, where every participant is so smart, insightful, articulate and full of empathy. It is eery. I suppose it makes sense. If I were a Narc Parasitic Tick, I would choose to suck my life blood from a high-quality source. I mean, why bother systematically destroying someone who isn't worth destroying in the first place?...they have to get the most bang for their N soul-destroying buck.

#24 Jul 22 - 11AM (Reply to #24)

outoftheblue

Agreed!

I read on here more than I've written, but I have often thought about how educated and intelligent the posts are and how helpful I find them. It sucks that we have all had a miserable experience with Ns, but I feel so much better knowing I didn't overreact to how horribly I was d&ded by a ghost from my past. I'd like to take a match to the tick just to hear the satisfying pop as it's head explodes! I suppose i'm a bit angry still :) (oops was that smiley face a trademark infringement?)

#25 Jul 22 - 11AM (Reply to #25)

loveofmylife

:)â„¢

outoftheblue.....your violation has been duly noted. You are Violating My Boundariesâ„¢! I have tried to establish boundaries with you for several years now (since I have to keep my life totally compartmentalized so all of the women won't find out about all of the other women) and you have consistently violated them! You are not allowed to respond to me by phone (since it would result in me being accountable to our relationship). You may respond in writing so that I can have a legal record (becuase as you know all personal relationships are last on my life priority list). But your next violation will result in me quickly and abruptly ending our 23 year relationship and I will never think of you again. (because I am not human) Damn, my N has taught me how to respond to boundary violations. cool!

#26 Jul 22 - 9PM (Reply to #26)

outoftheblue

Res ipsa loquitur

I will take a de novo approach to your complaint. Since you meant absolutely nothing to me and I have not thought about you in the past 15 years it should not be a problem. Ignore the fact that I initiated every stupid conversation and that I found you. You should really move on with your life. I don't care if you are married with kids and that you told me you are happy. How can you be happy without meeeee? Any further attempts by you to call me out on the :) violation will be met with further legal jargon. Have a nice day (if it's possible without me, anyway) It's fun to be passive aggressive!

#27 Jul 24 - 10AM (Reply to #29)

better off

LMAO, "any further attempts

LMAO, "any further attempts to call me out on my violation will be met with further legal jargon." rotfl...

#28 Jul 22 - 9PM (Reply to #27)

NancyM

This needs a thread of it's own

I know I have drained your energy in the past, but now you are draining me. I cannot be with someone that can not heal and forgive. (that is not totally focused on meeeeeee) You have failed your spiritual journey and I need to be with someone that can walk the walk, not just talk the talk.(because I can't) This is hilarious...

Nevergoback

#29 Jul 22 - 9PM (Reply to #28)

outoftheblue

Best medicine

You may have failed your spiritual journey, but did you know that only a fool is happy all the time? I know I'm being harsh, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Can't....stop....laughing....

#30 Jul 22 - 10AM (Reply to #20)

betty2020

Sarahb, can we post this to

Sarahb, can we post this to the thoughts for today? "I suppose it makes sense. If I were a Narc Parasitic Tick, I would choose to suck my life blood from a high-quality source. I mean, why bother systematically destroying someone who isn't worth destroying in the first place?...they have to get the most bang for their N soul-destroying buck" (TM sarahb). only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

#31 Jul 22 - 10AM (Reply to #21)

sarahb

sure!

why yes, this is my "Original Thought(TM)" that spewed out of my head - so no worries re: a misguided legal challenge to it, LOL!

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