How do you know when they are DONE?

They will run far far away from you..they will ignore you..you will feel pike the outcast..they will move on to multiple gf and say they are inlove with a younger girl..when they run from you is s number one sighn

They are never "DONE" with us. It's just "Done for now, until you can serve my needs in some way again." Weeks, months, years down the road... there's never a way to know. I agree with the poster who said it's YOU who needs to be done with THEM. Because as long as they know you are open and willing to be fucked around with, they'll always keep you on the shelf for torture later.

Realize you don't deserve to be treated badly or play second fiddle. If you give them a morsel of attention they will never go away, even if you try to remain friends they know you may still be available for supply. You need to be the one to cut all the ties and not be available for a morsel. The more we stay strong and not let these men take our souls away, maybe they will run out of supply eventually. Take it for what it was and be done, NC for good. This board gave me the strength and understanding to get off the roller coaster and my N will never be back for supply again. He knows he is dead to me now. Took many attempts to get to this point but for me to move on I needed to be done.

Yes, prior to the break up, there was a week of silent treatment, cold hostile D&D dumping, and then a month later, the suggestion we could be friends.) Yeah, right and I've got some swampland in Arizona to sell you if you believe that BS. Make them fear you..Granted it's only been about 5 1/2 months since I split with my narc, but in that time, I have kind of behaved like a psycho bitch (and proudly intentionally so!) I've mocked, ridiculed him, publically shamed him (http://cheaterville.com/?page=cheaters&id=3184, http://soapergirl.blogspot.com/, taken money and gifts from the bastard, without hardly giving anything back of a pleasant nature..he never got any money, actual sex (he had severe ED!) or much of anything else from me!). Maybe I gave him some NS, but not much in retrospect. I publically exposed him (let's see, he's listed on a "player" website, I've called him a turd, sack of shit, opportunistic parasite, worthless bastard, stupid, ugly, old-looking - tons of narcissitic injury!). He'd be a complete fool to come back and he knows it! I suppose a part of me will always miss him - actually, I'm working hard to put him in the past now, move on, and establish a new life without him - I'm glad about that. Let the OW have the piece of shit, and destroy her life! I'm gonna be just fine! It's tough getting him out of your head and heart, but I do believe it can be done if you are determined enough and want it. That's what I'm going for now! Hang in there hon. You'get get through this. I believe it, and so should you!

He may not be done with you, You need to be done with him! Never let him see you sweat! Hunter

I wish I knew the answer to this myself. A week of silent treatment... Dumps me...No closure... just an accusation that I was playing mind games because I said I love you. Then wants to be friends not days after. I was angry and moving forward but I just keep going back to feeling defeated, lonely and miserable. I know he's a broken pile of shit and won't ever treat me as I should be treated... I don't want him back. I'm terrified he'll show up during a weak moment and I'll get mindfucked back into that mess.

he is done only if he knows that" you are on to him," like my narc knows and has not contacted me since he left over 2 years ago. If he thinks you still want him and do not show him otherwise by knowing how he operates, then he will be back,mine came back many times during the 15 years, until i spoke up for myself and asking for equal treatment, that was the end..........

We know how Ns/Ps chip away at our self-esteem, sense of self... that's why we practice NC!!! It's when we deal out narcissistic injuries (and enjoy it), then they FLEE, cowards that they are. In a perverse way, they steer clear of us for similar reasons that we steer clear of them. Ns/Ps tend to be extremely paranoid... the ex-Psych prof was AFRAID of public ridicule. Never mind that he publicly ridiculed&humiliated me, thinking it was funny. I wasn't allowed to make fun of him. He'd even tell me to tell my friends not to mock him (they did anyhow-maybe I should break NC just to tell him he was the Muse of Masturbation Jokes,because that's Need to Know Info) My freshman year, he made me promise to NOT mock him in the senior skit. Now, the senior skit traditionally parodies the professors. The ex-P liked it when it mocked his colleagues. He drew the line when it ridiculed him. So, my senior year, after the final D&D, the senior skit MOCKED him. The ex-P, who had been guzzling beer in the front row, got up&ran out. There is a HAPPY ENDING-I recounted it to him gleefully the next day. He'd walk behind me. He would barely give me eye contact. Apparently, not different from my two year old nephew when he got in trouble at the library. He was SO AFRAID of being caught. I had caused severe narcissistic injury, he could only feel sorry for himself, and he'd say "STOP SMILING!" I asked "Why?" He'd say it made him uncomfortable. (He smiled when I was publicly crying) But I told him "I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!" It was a defiant "I don't wanna do it, I'm not gonna do it" speech. And doing it anyway. Ns/Ps fear blows to their egos. It's because of the false self. There's nothing that scares them more than a former victim who's healthy&on the warpath.

they don't make a clean break. It's just another shitty trait they have. You are forced to put an end to it all.

Cgrl is dead on. They are never done with you, when they leave, they will wait until the most opportune time to pop back into your life, and expect you to open the doors for them and even be GLAD they're back..in their books they're doing you a favor, LOL. They will come back until they suck every ounce of energy out of you. But even then, when they leave and you begin to rebuild bits an pieces of yourself, they will be back again. It's all up to YOU

No. The only time they are done with you is if the feel they can either not get any supply from you or you are dead. It all depends on how you respond to them and because, unfortunately they do come back. Mine came back after eight months of silence and I was sure, as the day is long, that it was over. Now granted- mine now hits for the other team but with these guys you just never ever know. My family and friends worry he will decide he is not gay and contact me yet again someday. This is where you come in- if you truly heal and I mean heal in every aspect of your life and if you take this new life and live it for all that it's worth- YOU will say it is DONE.

It is really hard to swallow the things I imagine he is saying about me to the OW. like calling me crazy for one. we live in a small community and it is hurts like hell to think that she may believe his sick lies.....he said terrible things about her to me when he came back to me ( she was his girlfriend 2 years back). he said such demeaning things about her. I dumped him ( not wanting to but having no other choice because of his lies and treatment of me) and I have a very strong hunch he is with her. she is crazy about him...I know he will get bored of her because she poses no challenge. I want to feel sympathy for her...but can't yet....I hope that comes. I HATE feelings of jealousy. It is not who I am...I hate the hurt. yesterday was so full of sorrow for me..imagining his seduction of her..while I am over here totally flattened and in pain...I am doing all the right things for this grief...but these feelings of rejection sure don't go away easy....My heart is with you today

only time can tell only actions show us the truth so maybe he is and maybe in a few years he won't be something will make him curious the question is do you want him to be done? Boy, do I identify with your words that your HEART has ways to go My head seems to logically process some of this, yet my heart is another issue it is hard to stop loving