How do I make it go away? | Lisa E. Scott

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#1 Nov 12 - 12PM

iznjho

How do I make it go away?

Every couple of days i'm up and ready to move on with my life and the next couple of days I feel down without wanting to see the light of day.

The memories of Dr.Jekyll cross my mind and I begin to question myself, what if he really isn't a N? After all regardless of the weekly fighting and break ups, the last 4yrs he was always one call away ready to do whatever I asked. He was practically obsessed with me.

Then once again I remind myself about Mr. Hyde. Yes he was available and had some good times, but deep inside I always felt that tension while we spent time together. Always wondering what it was we were going to fight about next. It's like I was always waiting for it.

I have no doubt something was abnormal about my exBF. Since he hasn't actually been diagnosed with NPD, I continue to put the blame on myself. The last year he and I were together I would suddenly be very attached to him and suddenly I would keep my distance. I couldnt stand the power he had to bring me down. When I would back off, he took this as me treating him badly or not loving him enough. He said I didn't give him "my all" but I noticed everytime I did begin to "give him my all" once again, the nice guy would disappear and I would get hurt badly once again. I just couldn't take it.

I feel it's my fault he left me for someone else. Maybe if I gave him my all he would still be here?

How do I make it go away?

-Iznjho

#2 Nov 13 - 9AM

ginger3681

It will go away........

Iznjho- I get blurbs of that too...what if I did things different?, or what if he really does love me and I am the one who hurt him? In the past few years, he would D&D me, then, call me like nothing ever happened and he was heart broken for me. He had trained me to think that whenever he went away from my life for his 2 weeks or month, he was hurting and in pain and grieving over our relationship! I would let him back in...thinking..lucky me!! (ugg!!) I always felt bad for him...poor guy, he is heartbroken!! But, I know now, he was probably with someone else, saying bad things about me, knowing and secretly happy that I was in pain. It still hurts, but, it gets better everyday! I have finally learned that he cannot make the pain go away..only I can with alot of self care, journaling, good foods, great friends and a good kick in the ass of reality. I wish it would just go away too...the pain, the memories, the depression, the longing....In time, it will- I have faith and believe in that! This is the first time in about 3 years that I am actually excited for the holidays! That is a great start to my healing!

#3 Nov 12 - 4PM

Chloe

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! YOUR FAULT FOR WHAT?????

Do you want to live your life the way you use to feel with him, waiting for the other shoe to drop? That is not "true love." He can not and will not ever love you the way a woman needs to be loved. He is not capable. My husband told me the same things. He even said, "help me." After 23 years, I gave him chances after chances, over and over and over again at my expense. He hated me for who I was. I would see the hate in his eyes if I said something that ticked him off, or if I ordered "piping hot soup" in a restaurant. If I laughed and enjoyed myself with friends, he would roll his eyes at me behind my back. When I was excited about my job and I wanted to share it with him, he would either say, "Get to the point, I'm a headline's guy and I don't like details," or he would just say, "Get to the point!" or he would finish my own story, to rush me. That is just the crusp of it. Do you want to hear more???? Never mind a loving, sexual relationship, forget about it!!! Oh, and you should educate yourself about sematic and cerebral narcissists, while they have a lot of similarities, there are also some distinct differences as well.

#4 Nov 12 - 2PM

Scoop

Iznjho

Iznjho , i hate to say it but the relationship was doomed from the start , there was nothing you could have done , they just love to make you think its your fault its a sick game . I struggled with the thoughts that he may not have this disorder but then i remember a horrible fight we had over i have no idea what (the fact i was born or something lol), we spoke on msn the next day and this is what he said Him : Im sorry i told you to "shut up bitch" i have never said this before , its not good . Me : What a mess Him :I said sorry already , i went out to buy you fresh bread in the morning because i felt so bad , and when i hugged you before i left for work i put my body in a stress position as you where sitting down . I kind of laugh at this now but at the time i nearly chucked the computer out of the window such was my anger . "If it feels like abuse then it is abuse " Sometimes you have to read between the lines of what they say but it is all there once you learn now to read NARC talk . Most people with NPD dont get help so we will never have the comformation we need .But you know when you have dealt with one . Big Love to you You are not alone we all have had these thoughts and we are all here for you . Scoop x

#5 Nov 12 - 1PM

4joys4

It's not you! It's all him!

It's not you! It's all him! Have you listened to Lisa's last radio show? She discusses a lot of what you mention. The back and forth thing they do when they think they have you hooked. Check it out!

#6 Nov 12 - 2PM (Reply to #2)

neveragain

Ohhhh, the eFFING MIND GAMES they play!

You must listen to 4joys4: It's NOT YOU!! I know that you've been brainwashed, blamed, guilted, made fun of, criticized and you will start to totally second guess yourself because of it. Getting as far, far away from an N is the only way to start to see things clearly. You'll have some good days followed by the self-doubt and sorrow. Stay strong and STAY AWAY! If you let even one sliver of contact to occur (even if it's just obsessive thoughts), you will backslide. This is a powerful, evil, slimy, disgusting entity called NARCISSISM that can infiltrate your psyche and soul to such a degree that YOU end up thinking YOU'RE the bad one. Keep reading here on this site and continue to practice self-nurturing (whatever that means to you). You are going to be okay but you have to recognize exactly what you're dealing with. Narcissists don't change but we can. We can get out, and go on with lovely, healthy, beautiful lives. neveragain