How do I know I am making the right decision, could I be wrong?

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#1 Apr 10 - 12PM
yogaros
yogaros's picture

How do I know I am making the right decision, could I be wrong?

I am desperately reeling and still ultimately as low as low as low. CRAZY thoughts lack of any motivation to move myself, to get up, but have to force myself. Every time I think I am making a tiny fraction of progress my husband gets a message to my sister, that in order for me to heal we must have closure. he did not leave me I left him................I left him because
had little empathy for my feelings and we could never discuss anything to a conclusion, we could not sit and discuss things rationally conversations were always loaded with accusations and lack of understanding or rationality, I was told how thing were and that was how it had to be. But he did look after me and provide well, he could be very loving, he was just damaged from his childhood, and I feel his pain and want to mend his so much. He would like me to visit him and he says this will help me move on and get unstuck from my depression. He says he was angry because I never agreed with him, but I felt I had to defend myself when he told me how I was feeling, he defined me. I don't think I can ever come to terms with this pain it is so intense I don't think I will ever have a life with any meaning ever again. Could he change, he says where is the forgiveness? I feel such a pull back to my home, back to my old life, surely he was not all evil, I left him after all. He says he is sorry but is too old and does not want to go to therapy!
why oh why cant I stop loving him? 38 years is such a long time to file and forget about it is so etched into your very being............any advice, has anyone gone back to their marriages and tried to mend them? My decree Nisi is due on the 22nd April....next week, I am in panic!!!!!!! Help

Apr 11 - 9AM
spinning
spinning's picture

yogaros, you are experiencing CD

spinning