how can i handle my emotionally unavailable mother?

Honestly i am no way complaining about her here, she is so good to me financially, and material things, but when it comes to love she is so cold towards me, its like there is a block between us. She is super controlling and ive noticed she totally invades my bounderies but never intentionally, she also will say really hurtful things and put me down constantly, so i feel never good enough in her eyes-if i ever have a problem she wud be like uve just got to get on with it and get ur smile on... I really dont want to critise her, becoz honestly she such a good grandma to my babies and has helped me so much in my life. I dont think she is an N cos she does so much in the community to help others, works all the hours god sends, everyone loves her she cant give enough... But there is this love/emotional thing which is really effecting me its asif she has postnatel depression towards me, today i realised its really hurting me inside and getting me down. Has anyone any advice on dealing with emotionless mothers? Im paranoid im like this with my daughter coz i never want her to feel this way ever so i go over board trying to be nice but she 10 and like mum get a grip lol maybe im just really hypervigillant nowadays after the N i dont no

I hope its ok to write about your mother in forum coz its not about the N. Thanks for listening xxx