How can I get through all this

I told my narcissistic husband to leave 17 days ago. Since then he did the usual beg crawl shout phone text. On thursday evening he told me he needed the divorce which Iv been begging for from the get go (2 years now) he needs it sorting because hes got someone else. After lieing to me for years about this then at last the truth. Iv always known it we never lived together only saw each other at weekends because his behaviour was so strange and over powwering. I actually stayed with this man for 4 years knowing that I did not like being in his company that much?????? I was always happy to see him go home felt like the darkness was leaving my home. When we went out he was rude to people who tried to chat to us. He was pevish and started rows every time I wanted us to visit my parents. He would sit and not talk to them or pretend to be ill it was really horrible. Hed slag of my children and tell me I was to relaxed as a mother with them that I gave them far to much. Sex with him was like nothing iv ever felt before even though he liked lots of it it was rubbish cold robotic. He told me all the time that he loved the bones of me noone would ever love me like he did (I hope not ever again) He took my money never washed a dish or cooked a meal. The tall and short of it he was a empty body. But for the life of me I cant get him out off my head I keep looking for his car to pull up out side. I find myself unable to go out shopping or anything else im so stuck. I did leave him last year for 6 months I hurt a lot then but I was going out at weekends with friends the problem with that was every time another man tried to chat I just compared them to him. I still find myself doing it now. He had a odd beauty about him but even after marraige I never had the feeling that this man is my husband he never felt part of me. yet still I miss him still I sit and cry with fear like iv lost my mate my true mate but he was never really anything. All the words of love just did nothing to me over the last two years of the relationship but I cant give it that name re real it was a lationship a lie a con. Yet still my heart is bleeding for this naught I hate it casue hes not worth the water but here I am in deep pain. I didnt show any of my pain to him when he text he wanted his divorce I text back and said yep sure thing I can sort that for you but all the while I was on fire with pain and fear. Iv blocked all his numbers and have got rid of my mobile phone number cause he was just texting abuse. But im scared really afraid and alone with out this person with out this defect in my life.????????? Help