How can I come to accept the fact he doesn't care about his son?!

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#1 Jul 25 - 9PM
pathtopeace's picture

How can I come to accept the fact he doesn't care about his son?!

How can I come to accept the fact he doesn't care about his son?!

Brief history:

We used to work together. He'd flirt with me but I'd ignore him bc I knew he was married. Time goes on, he met up with me one night at a place I'd dance at a lot. He was saying how his marriage of 22 years was over...blah blah....made it sound so convincing..she was horrible, he wasn't happy. So I took him on. ( I fucking knew better...)A few times he was shit faced drunk and I hated that bc I said I wouldn't deal with alcoholics anymore in my life and I was going to end it. Then, he suddenly stopped drinking and acted like he was changing his life for the better. I thought, ok, he's trying.

So months go on, he's going through a divorce. He moves in with me in a few months. I get pregnant, we BOTH wanted it. (He also has kid from ex wife)

As time goes on, I get laid off. He gets pulled over for drunk driving later that month. Then another month, wrecks his car, then has license suspended without knowing. Driving like that, he gets pulled one morning and gets thrown in jail for it. I was due that week. We had his son with us and he never came home so i made sure his son made it to his first day of school. I bail him out, he didn't act grateful, was too busy worried about his impounded car. ( Something told me to let his ass rot, but I didn't want him to miss the birth of his son. He also needed to keep working to pay cs on his first kid) Well, he gets canned. So our son is born, and we are both unemployed. We were living off of my unemployment. He filled out apps all the time and eventually found a job four months later bc of license situation. I decide to go live in a different state with my dad bc I couldn't afford it anymore. He couldn't come along bc of probation and would come after us when that was over.

I hated where I lived and started getting serious PPD. (post partum depression.) My thyroid was out of whack and I'd text how miserable I was just watching our son 24/7. ( My dad was rarely home) Some days I'd say how I hated my life, I wish we thought things over. I wanted to come back to the state he was at, he says he can't afford to put a down and first month rent on apartment. I said I wish we thought the kid thing through. ( I was seriously overwhelmed being a mom with NO breaks pretty much since birth. Of course I DID NOT mean it.) He said he was tired of me dwelling over and over and he can't make me happy, I don't listen to him...blah blah....Out of anger I kept saying break up with me. He wouldn't respond. I then later texted saying I'd be devastated if we did break up and Im just mad. He disappears for a week. I call one week later and say, if you're cheating, say it. The baby needs food. He finally texts saying he started drinking again. I'm like the fuck? Then he says it was only twice and he did it to cope. He said he'd call that night.

So he calls. Blames me for EVERYTHING. He told me-

"I love you but I was never in love with you."
"You're so negative and hate everything"
"You don't listen to me and I can't make you happy"
"You've been bitter since you became pregnant"
"I guess I saw something that wasn't there"
"We took our relationship on too fast"
"I was unhappy for a awhile"
"You are just like my ex after the baby. I get blamed for everything and I can't take anymore of your shit"
He also told me he has problems. Why am I being punished for what she did? I asked if sex was the issue after baby or time I spent with him. He said no, but couldn't say exactly what. ( I know now it's because my attention not all on him now.)I told him he's pissed bc I'm not supporting him financially anymore and I was his rebound girl. Of course he says nothing.

I decided to work on myself to be better. Took my meds for thyroid. I'd email him giving compliments and gave him more attention and he'd string me along. I decided to make amends with my brother I was fighting with and moved back to live with him.

I tell ex that we are back and he acted so shocked. He says he didn't expect me to come back. So, we'd text and I tried to get all of to hang out. We hung out a few times, but it was like pulling damn teeth. I had to work around HIS schedule. Major signals are going off in my head. If it were me, I'd blow off everything to see my kid I hadn't seen in 4 months. One sunday he took him for a whole day so I could ride my motorcycle. Then we planned to go to zoo on a tuesday. Then texts me while asleep saying he thinks he doesn't have money well go next week when he gets paid. Next day I reply, ok, go with us to other place. He said he wouldn't be ready for a few hours and would be available after 2 to talk. I'm like WTF?! I said I think you're playing games. He says no games. I told him I was nervous what he was going to say. He says, did you do anything wrong? So don't worry! I'm like ok...

He finally drags his ass over. He drops the bomb on me. He couldn't look me in the face and couldn't really say it. Finally he says. I'm seeing someone else. Of course I'm mad. I told him to GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!! We both were walking out, and I come after him asking why the fuck he'd hug me so hard and long...and he acts all butt hurt saying "you're the mother of my child"\

So I call 15 mins later. I got details. It's some chick he went to high school with hes been chatting with on FB. I knew about it bc he was doing it since living with me but I wasn't jealous. He says he flew down to the other state she lives in. He fucks her then comes back. He bragged how expensive it was. He took time off of probation and spent money he doesn't have, supposedly, to go get a piece of ass. Never did he come see his son. He ALWAYS has no money. Fuck I hate him. Since he broke up with me, he'd throw me some money here and there and send what I'd ask for our son. I see why, so I wouldn't file for child support. Now that I told him I have, I don't hear from him or get anything for our son. Says if I file, then I get nothing bc he has no money...but then again...He says he can talk to her for 3-4 hours but when we'd skype we'd only talk for 10 mins. I told him it was hard having a one sided conversation. He says he never cheated on me. I say BS!!! Yes you did! UGH! He tells me it's different with her. Sigh. I said it was like that with us at one time.

He financially drained me. I've been financially responsible for our son since birth. I"M BURNT THE FUCK OUT. I ask about insurance he's supposed to have on him this month. Got a few cards. Still waiting on health insurance card. He puts what he has on my door. Emails me and says its on my door. I'm like, thanks, why didn't you knock? You knew we were here. I'm curious as to why you never ask about your son?

He says, " You can seriously ask me that when I was specifically told not to contact you and I could not see him bc of her." WTF WTF WTF!!!!!!!!! Never did I say that. I wrote back and said that wasn't the truth and his word twisting is what I expect of him since I finally see who he truly is.I told him I have no problem with him being in his life. I have a problem wth him thinking he's going to take my 11 month old son, out of state, to some strangers house he met on the net. No friends of family. He's going to move there after probation is over.

The fucker never has money and is 8k behind his other kids child support. LOSER!! I'd always rag his ass about paying it but he got pissed hearing it. I dropped it saying ok you stupid fucker.

When he dropped the bomb on me, I've been healing on my part doing LC. Cooling off. I took all the blame for a while. I'd search the net trying to help myself feel better about the break up. Narcissism kept popping up. He fit the bill. I came across this site, I was like DAMN!!! It's not me!! PHEW!!! I take my blame for the wrong in the relationship. It's not fair of me to have to take it all. I remember I kept saying during the relationship how I mourned for the old me and I wanted her back desperately. I know why now. Wow!!

I'm mad at myself for my choices. I'd text him talking about how great he was (before he told me about other girl) I asked myself, why is this all about him? He never asks about me or his son. Now I know why.

I tried to condense this as much as possible.

I've moved on well this past month and a half. I don't care much about him anymore and I've accepted the cold truth about what I thought was us. ( I still have lots of days he wins by being in my mind) How can I get over him not caring about his son?! That's what hurts the most.

Jul 26 - 12PM
onwithmylife's picture

to tell

Jul 26 - 9AM
pathtopeace's picture

I can say I tried. I didn't

Jul 26 - 7AM
TruthbeginsToday's picture

I know how much pain you are

Jul 25 - 10PM
Deidre99's picture

The cliff notes: * your ex

Jul 26 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
onwithmylife's picture

Deidre 99

Jul 25 - 9PM
pathtopeace's picture

Im going to add....