How To Be An Adult In Relationships....

Some time ago I read a book by David Richo called How To Be An Adult In Relationships, The 5 Keys To Mindful Loving. David outlines the 5 A's of mutually healthy relationships. We ALL deserve to give and receive the 5 A's.
I wrote them out and framed them. They sit in my bathroom where I can see them every morning. I try to apply them daily to ALL of my human interaction as is appropriate (I don't go around hugging tellers.)

Attention
Acceptance
Appreciation
Affection
Allowance

He also outlines the opposites of what he calls spiritual commitments (I have been committed to applying these 5 qualities to every moment of my relationships with my kids...especially when I am in conflict with them I consciously bring the 5 A's to the situation, my children instantly respond positively.)

Attention...(opposite) Ignoring, refusing to listen, being unavailable, avoiding or resisting truth.
Acceptance...(opposite) Trying to force someone to fit their specifications, desires, or fantasies.
Appreciation...(opposite) Criticism
Affection...(opposite) Acting selfishly or abusively.
Allowing...(opposite) Being controlled and manipulated, unreasonable demands.

He asserts that we all deserve the 5 A's and if you are not receiving one or more of these in your relationship that there is an imbalance. We should always be experiencing the 5 A's in various degrees at various times but at all times. Sometimes we may experience more Appreciation and less Affection but ALL 5 qualities should ALWAYS be being experienced. If there is an imbalance that can not be corrected then we need to remove ourselves from the relationship.

I love the 5 A's as a gauge to measure whether I am being treated well and am treating others well.

The NARC/pimp NEVER gave one of the 5 A's....not one. I even read some of the book to him but he was preoccupied with picking at his feet.