Hopefully Free's Story

Hi - This is hopefully free and I would like to share my story with you and hopefully get some feed back or even help a new comer.
I knew my narc for 15 years before we got together. All my people and family knew him. He would come and go out of our lives over the years - we knew he had issues but, none of us saw him for what he really was. So in October 2010 he came back to our town. I was in a 18 year relationship at that time but, things were not exactly going great and things were slowly ending. So when my narc started showing me attention, buying me things, making me feel like I was the most beautiful thing in the world I feel hard for him. He learned all he could about me while he was away in NY for a few years and in December he really pursued me. Within a month he convinced me to marry him. I broke up with my partner of 18 years and 2 kids to marry this fool. I moved out of a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house into a one bedroom apt. We were married March 2, 2012. That day I was one happy girl. He was so hot, muscular, and exciting and so loving to me. BTW we are in our late 40's. My daughter was at our wedding and a few of my friends. My ex - who is a wonderful man and a great dad was still reeling from all that had happend (Just so you know he is still on my side and helping me thru those terrible times.)Anyway that night we had dinner and were having champaign celebrating etc. Late that night he went crazy at something I said and beat the crap out of me. I had broken ribs, both ears were totally purple I had bruises all over my body. I did not know what to do and who to tell. I mean how could this happen. He said it waas all my fault etc. I put it behind me for a while I went from 140 lbs to 104 lbs the pain from my ribs caused me not to be able to eat or cough so I wound up telling him I need to go to the hospital and he said no. Once he fell asleep I left and went to the hospital where they told me I had no potassium in my body and If I did not get there when I did I would have died within hours. Plus my lungs were so filled with mucus I could not breath. I called my ex and my daughter they came to the hospial right away. My narc showed up an hour later. I left him after that but, within months he convinced me to try again. He bought new weddding rings and took us to a priest who blessed them and us. He was once again loving and blah blah a new honeymoon stage. Then again the verbal and mental abuse started along with the pain of his fists. My family got invloved and once again we broke up. This went on 4 or 5 times before 10/31/2012. That was the last time I saw him or talked to him. I changed my number and until I learned of this blog I had no contact with him. Thank god I found you guys cause I was sort of in a slump before the holidays and was going to contact him. Right before I called I found you guys and maintained my NC. Then my ex and his new girlfriend and our kids all went on a cruise for X-mas. I am doing ok now. I have a job with my ex. Money is tight as my narc took all the money and maxed out the Credit Cards and took the car when I kicked him out in October. I am trying to start this new year with hope and faith however, I have to tell you I still struggle alot. I dont think I will ever get over everything that happened. I keep asking my self why why. I know that wont help me but, still I am shocked about how long and bad the last year and a half has been. We are still married on paper but, I am not in a position to get a divorce yet and also don't know where he is.......Any thoughts you guys have will help. Thanks for being here for me.