Hopeful43's Story

I met mine at a bible study where he was the only man in a group of females. I did have a creepy feeling at first, but ignored it. I have spent three years suffering and need to tell my story. The first time i caught him in a lie and texted him that we need to talk, he said, 'if you contact me again i will file a restraining order'. I didn't go to work for 2 days and was sick because i thought he meant it. Two weeks later he was begging me to talk to him. I ignored him and he showed up at church with another girl and sat next to me. I was sick to my stomach i should have left church but didn't. I had not had sex with a man for 10 years and was waiting until i was married, but he broke down every defense i had until i gave in. He had weird fetishes, had me tan with underwear on so i would have an exact panty line, had me wear very specific lingerie and then say 'the garter belt should be this many inches from the thigh high', had me send pics, had an obsession with women's shoes. Also i was pretty large when he met me and he insisted that i not lose weight because he liked BBW's. Once when i was at a drive thru window, he sent me text that he could see me, but i looked around and could not see him-i said 'where are you that you can see me?" he said 'i can see you and i know where you are all the time' He has so many seperate lives, po boxes, constantly in another town when i would call him, always would text me, never would call. Last fall i had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital with a panic attack, my blood pressure was 170/145. The nurse called him and said that they needed someone to be at the hospital because i needed an angiogram because i had an abnormal EKG. He asked the nurse for directions on how to get to the hospital and he never showed up. I texted him later and he said ' I am not coming,call your family-don't call me'. The doctor was waiting to do the procedure until he got there and he never showed up. I even saw him again after he did this to me. He blocked me for two months in October 2010, and then in Jan of this year was begging me to talk to him, i did see him again and he pulled the same thing, and he said 'you need to get a boyfriend', one week after we had gone out. I was in shock and begging him not to do this again. After me sending him many messages over the next few weeks, he sent me this final message 'I don't know who you are, but we got this phone and new number for our nine-year-old daughter, and am appalled at your messages, do not ever text again or i will call the police'. Well i called from a different number and he answered so i hung up. I don't understand this treatment, it is so sick. Everytime i move on he shows back up and it gets worse every time, calling me crazy, psycho, asshole and tells me to f-off. He drives around with a 'Clergy' card in his vehicle and pretends to be this great Christian, but has a huge porn addiction, and has sent me pics of strippers
when he has been in strip clubs just to rub it in my face. I am so upset because i felt i loved this person, i am on anxiety meds now, and sleeping pills. I used to be involved in mission work and travel to other countries. I have a successful job and people say that i am attractive. I am in my forties and he is in his thirties, and he said that he was attracted to older women and i have no children and have never been married, so this is hitting me pretty hard because i have spent time trying to fix this. I am very distraught and it is hard for me to even make simple decisions, let alone difficult ones. I was so happy before i met him, and had alot going for me, now i feel like a total wreck of a person, like a shell of a human being.