Hoover Maneuver

He emailed me last night.

Sad thing is, I had his emails forwarded to trash (thats the best way my provider allows) but I keep checking the trash constantly.

Went something like this:

1:18 am
Subject: Hey
I know I'm a mess your not interested in. For what its worth, I sure do miss you........ Wow, I've been missing you.

1:26am
Subject: Me again
I really do love you. I promise you I do.

I'll try my hand at decoding the narcspeak:

1:18am
Subject: I haven't found new supply
I know you get off on hearing me admit I'm crazy. I am such a loser I can't find new supply. Feed my ego, NOW!

1:26am
Subject: Me again (this one needs no translation, it's all about him, no?)
I am low on supply, if I tell you I love you, you'll come back to me. It's worked before.

So, am I breaking NC by reading his emails? I won't respond. I know I should just delete but it's early (NC for 1 month) and I still long for his attention though I am disgusted by the thought of him. :/

Had my first therapist session today. So glad I'm finally doing that. She had some very wise thoughts about the cycle of abuse. How they degrade you, and then in the "honeymoon period" they build back up what they destroyed. Then some normalcy, and then the cycle repeats. SO true of my "relationship" with the N.