Honestly Its Not All About You - Get over yourselves

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#1 Mar 18 - 9PM

ImStrong

Honestly Its Not All About You - Get over yourselves

My narc use to say all the time "sometimes it aint about you" th his is from days on when he would go missing or a dissapering act after the first day we what I fel rf "connected"

When the narc put his hands on you to hurt you..it has nothing to do with you..stop beleiving your involved in anyway shape or form..he is hurting you for his mother..her sins..neglet or over indulging...her actions ans mishaps..her submissiveness to his abusive father ..her constant put downs and impossible live ups.....

Right now my narc is partying it up on his bday ..with a specific requests to everyone to bring only girls ...to bring more endless supply..to bring more human punching bags...

That is the only time we matter when hes hungry..

The guests by bringing in more friends that are girls are feeding the monster by bringing females..they are apart of the kill..the kill of hearts and souls..to the narc we are all slaves here to serve..

That is the only time we are relevant and matter..only when he/she wants.to feed..
Some of you beleives that when he smacks your face ..or ruffs up th our collar..bend your wrists..spit in your eye..its then about you..

No I mean No ..you cant be more wrong..nothing was about you..the breakup ..the arguments..they all was about his him and his mom..

You was part of a hate crime..

When a racissts beats and hates every other race that is not theres..its usually because they was violently hurt by another race or defeated by another race even raised to hate another race..

That is what specifically happend.to the narc..to him you are the "other race" that he was brutally "beatened" by..or "defeated" by or raised to hate..or just "raised" by it ...

That created the hate crime your apart of today...

Its not all about you and bever was..thats why these narc are so dangerous and you nust stay clear from...because your feelings dont matter..they hurt you because of there mother. And because you are a woman..nothing more..he was never connected to you to feel a effect but you or to judge you by your own individuality..in these incidents the narc not only sees you as a exstension of him but a exstention of his "mom"..that is a danger.zone for suooly like us..we will feel every pain while the real mom gets all smiles..

Even if they act like they love there mom they hate her..just like they act like they love us ..but hate our guts..

They also fight for there mother love like we fight for theres...each day they hope to gain her approval and each day there devalued and discarded by her..

We are mere objects to these careless sinners..while there mothers watch...

Please dont ever beleive anything is about you..

#2 Apr 4 - 7AM

HopeAgain

I often thought my Ex-N's abuse was payback to his mother

My ex-N's parents had the same issues we had..of course they had many years of marriage and 4 children and we only dated for 2 1/2 years...but he is following in his dad's footsteps of cheating and neglect. His mom used to cry all the time because her husband didn't give her any time. Same exact issues in our "relationship". He pretended to have empathy for his mom...but other times would say "If she just didn't nag so much they wouldn't have gotten divorced" The big factor I think was his mom's abandonment. As a young teen he was dropped of on a street corner by his mother and he had nowhere to go. This is a testament to how evil he probably was as a child. But do you think something "snapped" in him after that? It seems to me he definitely wants to punish women.

#3 Apr 4 - 6AM

ImStrong

Jaycee a must read for you

"In the fiery pit lays a man with two faces.One is the face of a God and the other a face of the Devil.Beware He lurks your souls.Keep one hand on your heart and the other hand over your eyes. Let him walk pass you not into you.Ghost of love will possess

#4 Mar 21 - 6AM

Susan32

He had male victims too...

The ex-Psych professor had male victims too. It was an openly gay professor, with whom I think he had a brief physical relationship, who warned me about getting any more involved with the ex-P. One of his male disciples changed his first name&moved. The ex-P wasn't just cruel to women. He victimized men too. The latter was easier to mask because he treated male students better than female ones.

#5 Mar 20 - 6PM

ImStrong

We must seperte ourselves

We must seperate ourselves from the Hate Crime

#6 Apr 4 - 9AM (Reply to #21)

Hunter

Imstrong

You go girl! You are a freedom Roll! Rock on Idealk

#7 Mar 21 - 7AM

onwithmylife

IMSTRONG

You put the final piece of the puzzle together for me, the article link you mentioned you could substitute son for daughter when it comes to the narc mother. I never felt good enough to him and told him so, he said nothing, because he does not realize he was never good enough for his mother in spite of her smothering and doting on HIM.she had a boy and initially wanted a girl , he said he had reconciled with that, but in reality he never did, and he was always trying to feel lovable and good for who he is, but because of the poor parenting on her part, and the father was not there enough for him,obviously did not allow him to feel good about himself . He suppressed his feelings and emotions and as thus, put on his mask of false self to survive in the world. I knew he had serious issues with his mother, for once in a phone conversation, he said in a confessional way, he was frightened of women and mentioned his 3rd wife and one of his daughters, now that is very odd for a man to say but i knew nothing about NPD.He enacted all his anger and frustrations about his MOTHER onto all the major women in his life, myself included and no matter how good we were or how hard we tried to please him, nothing was good enough, goes back to his mother those words!!He had a real love and hate relationship with her and once slapped her in the basement, according to his first wife, because the mother came up the steps with a red cheek.On the other hand he cherished her photos, her fridge, odd objects, gave me her sweater, weird strange going ones.Ido think on some level he realized his sickness but did nothing or could do nothing to fix things, every time he went to counseling, he would lay blame on the women, never looking at himself as less than perfect.He did it to the first wife and to me as well when we did counseling.It is all CLEAR to me now.

#8 Mar 20 - 12AM

ImStrong

Here are some of th he

Here are some of th he articles..i read mixture that I gathered info throught the way Cant find all..read too much ( blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/2009/09/06/narcissistic-mothers-endanger-and-abandon-their-daughters.aspx The comments below really state how narrc mom favors sons .. ..the article itself focuses on narc mothers jelousy of there daughters because they see them as an extension...) Heres a Q&A on the subject http://www.thatsfit.ca/2010/12/22/narcissist-mother/ These are just some..i just gave a summary based on all the articles I read

#9 Mar 20 - 12AM (Reply to #18)

michele115 (not verified)

Thank you

Imstrong

#10 Mar 20 - 12AM

ImStrong

No problem..anymore I bump

No problem..anymore I bump into ill post Heres another ..they all reveal deeper and deaper harsh realities..sadly this fits my mom to a T..right down to turning my brother against us motherrr.com/help/topics/jealousy/articles/daughtersofnarcissisticmothers

#11 Mar 19 - 7PM

onwithmylife

IMSTRONG

YOU really said it all and what I have said so many times on this board, it is not US, but the sins of their mothers that they played out in their lives. Some time ago, i wrote to him maybe you should revisit your relationship with your mother,that perhaps that played out in your 5 failed relationships with the major women in your life, THAT DID IT FOR HIM, I was immediately let go, devalued and discarded, no closure,nothing, his brother toLD me once that their mother spoiled and doted on him and he grew UP constantly trying to please her to no avail, she was a narc herself, whatever he did it was never GOOD ENOUGH, I said said that to the man and he just looked straight ahead,never at me and said nothing.I said do i have to give up my life ,would that satisfy you?? No answer, He replayed out his love/hate of his mother on all the unsuspecting women in his life, we were all pawns for his mother. He had a weird attachment to his mothers objects, like fridge, he gave me her sweater, lots of photos of her around, not one of his dad, she never let him grow up emotionally. that is it in a nutshell, they develope some personality retardation from all this.

#12 Mar 19 - 11PM (Reply to #13)

ImStrong

The Sins Of The Mother

They are at war with women internally..but now the secrets out..we are learning more and more the truth of there dismay towards us as a sex and gender.. Also adding mother narcissists/women narc also hate women due to there mothers..if a mother narc has two children a boy and a girl..the boy will receive more love and prais while the girl will constantly be Devalued and Discarded

#13 Mar 19 - 11PM (Reply to #14)

michele115 (not verified)

Imstrong

I don't doubt for a minute what you're saying not at all but wondering where you found this...is there an article or something you read recently that discussed this aspect? I know this from basic reading but would like to review an article if you know of one as on a personal level, I know someone who might benefit from reading it.

#14 Mar 20 - 12AM (Reply to #15)

ImStrong

Yes it was a while ago in the

Yes it was a while ago in the begining of my healing..i was researching as usual the only thing to save my soul..i came to a article of narc mothers..because not only was my ex was one but my mom and grandmother had strong raging qualities of one..i will search for th article again...not promising anything because the name of it I forgot.

#15 Mar 19 - 2PM

prettypeeved

I remember him trotting that

I remember him trotting that one out as if it was yesterday. "At the end of the day, this really isn't about you." I felt so amazed and furious at the time. Now it seems so...pitiful.

#16 Mar 19 - 6PM (Reply to #11)

ImStrong

Sounds like my narc

#17 Mar 19 - 2PM

Scoop

This strikes a cord with me ,

This strikes a cord with me , my narc and his mother .. i could write a book , she is a raving narc talk about me me me , she had my narc at seventeen and when my narc was one year old the little madam left the bady with her mum and dad and swaned round the world for a year . she had had a string of men into the house , a whole lot of one night stands when my narc was a teenager .. nice eh ... he would wake up in the morning with a strange man in the bathroom . and she is now a psycologist .. it makes me go cold that anyone would pay her for help and she use to laugh about her patients round the dinner talble which is highly unprofessional... my narcs dad was one of her one night stands she picked him up at a pub slept with him and never saw him again , my narc went looking for him when he was 16 ,found him and the dad didnt want to know my narc (not suprised my narc is horrable lol ) turns out the dad is a raving narc too .what a family ! I knew when i was with the narc that the angre he had towards his mother was projected onto me , silly me i thought i could love him better . nope ! Great post xx

#18 Mar 19 - 9PM (Reply to #5)

Steph

Strikes a cord with me

Strikes a cord with me too. He even said to me once during a rage that I was just like his mother. Someone on here, when I first posted my story over a year ago, told me this was about his mother. It took a long time to sink in but it has. He took out all of his mommy issues out on me, just as he will with every woman he dates. They are so disturbed and I don't even feel sorry for him anymore.

#19 Mar 20 - 11PM (Reply to #9)

ifinallygotit

mother comments

I remember one time when he was being resistant and petulant about some normal simple request he said something like " You are not my mother"! He was a self proclaimed momma's boy and proud of it. He was hostile if I am questions about her. My Narc actually lived in his dead mother's old family house, surrounded by all her things, pictures, kitchen stuff etc...like it was still her house...Um, why did I not notice how weird this is???

#20 Mar 19 - 11PM (Reply to #8)

ImStrong

Stay strong girl..where all

Stay strong girl..where all realizing the blaim needs to be shifted to them and there wacko mommys

#21 Mar 19 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

michele115 (not verified)

Mommie Issues

BOY oh BOY... And to think he would say: "You're so much like my mother" If I only knew how lethal that was...

#22 Mar 19 - 11PM (Reply to #7)

Steph

I know. If only we knew then

I know. If only we knew then what we know now. So many red flags and signs SCREAMING at us. I thought I could LOVE his issues away and heal him. Instead, I walked away more damaged than ever, and he, just walked away.

#23 Mar 19 - 6PM (Reply to #4)

ImStrong

I cannot beleive her

I cannot beleive her profession is a psycologist..sometimes I think people with sick minds as that have some nerve..taking a career in a field to help people..what do there sick mind get out from that..

#24 Mar 19 - 11AM

Lisa E. Scott

IMStrong

Great post. Very powerful and very true. I couldn't agree with you more. We did absolutely nothing wrong. It is not about us. It is their issue and always has been. It has nothing to do with us and we must always remember that. Stay strong, IMStrong! :)

#25 Mar 19 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

ImStrong

Thankyou Lisa and I am

Thankyou Lisa and I am keeping strong your support has helped me tremendously..xx

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