The holiday season can be so difficult

God bless and Happy Holidays to you too, Goldie. Yes, the holidays can be very difficult, and I'm sure they are this year for a lot of us here. Hugs to us all! This season is what I would have to call "up and down" for me. I'm 6 months post D&D now, and 5 months NC. Mostly I'm feeling pretty strong emotionally with moments of sadness mixed in (usually triggered by little memories that pop up unexpectedly). Example: Night before last I watched the movie Polar Express. It's one of my favorites. However, at the part where the three kids are singing on the back of the train, it triggered a memory of xnh's youngest daughter, and I singing along and laughing together. I started crying when I realized that my jerk of an xnh has forever taken that away from both her and I because his of selfishness. On the more "up side" this Christmas season is a MUCH happier one overall than last year. Xnh (literally) ran me out of my own home on Christmas Day by telling me that he WAS bringing his oldest druggie, gang P daughter into the house whether or I liked it or not. He told me that if I didn't like it, I could just shove it up my a$$ and leave, because he would take TEN of her over ONE of me any day. For those who don't know my story, I'd thrown xnh's P daughter out of the house over a year before (and banned her from returning). I'd refused to have any relationship with her after she went to jail on felony drug charges. I simply couldn't take any more of her, and the constant drama. The stress was ruining my health and I was, quite literally, heading for a hospital. Looking back, I'm pretty sure xnh and his P daughter were destroying me both inside and out (not that either one actually cares). Even her own sister said that living with the P daughter was like living with terrorist for years. I went to visit my parents alone on Christmas day last year, and vowed that xnh would NEVER run me out of own home ever again (and yes, it is MY home...I owned it solely well before I ever met xnh). This year, I'm having some wonderful times doing special activities with my friends and family, and I'm NOT being subjected to xnh, his P daughter, his abuse, and his/their rages any longer. I'm starting to feel more peace with myself each passing day. I have such a great support system (including the wonderful people on this site). I honestly don't know how I would have survived this past 6 months without everyone's kindness and support. Overall, I'm having a MUCH better holiday season this year than I did last one. Now, if I just figure out how to keep my 100 pound dog from laying in the Christmas tree, I'll be in pretty good shape. lol.

I needed that reminder. Even though I don't celebrate Christmas (I celebrate Solstice), this season is proving really hard 3.5 months post-D&D. I'm going to keep running that song through my head. And I will give my heart to those who honor it. Just like you said. Thanks so much, Leah