His Sick Mind Sam Vaknin - Why Do Yo Listen

I don't know that Vakin being NPD is a problem or even if he expoits the condition. Truth is, I discovered NPD on Vaknin's free e-book website and it changed my entire life because suddenly I saw the Narc I was with and every word he wrote (Vaknin) was talking about X N. Vaknin's a weirdo but I adore his writing..always calms me down.

I had a similar reaction to 'I Psychopath' ImStrong (I felt an instinctive loathing for his behaviour) and I think the point you make about his wife being a victim on an ongoing basis is thoughtful. Having said that I read his articles still and find them incisive and helpful...but I make sure I read and watch materials produced by other experts on NPD who are genuine doctors (genuinely qualified and practicing) to ensure I don't just end up with sam vaknin's view of NPD alone.

When I was going CRAZY four months ago, I found Sam Vaknin on the internet. It was thru reading EVERY drop he wrote on the internet that I put the gun back in the drawer. Not to harm myself mind you but that piece of shit man I called a husband. Sam is honest about what he is and who he is. Good grief, you can tell by watching the videos how fucking weird he must be in real life. The sad part of Sam's book and prescence on the internet is that it is a DAMN NARCISSIST!!! Why do we as women have to wait for a MAN to tell us about our lives? Are we so inept, cowardly, focused on a DAMN relationship that we cant pull our heads out of our ASS? WOMEN should be writing this shit...not a damn NARCISSSIST! Speak up speak out make a damn difference! My goal in this life is to saturate our culture with what these mother fuckers do to women and dont forget the children they end up mind fucking. So, as May Angelou is known to say "STOP IT"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You read Sam to lean from him. He knows how sick he is, Yes, maybe by exploiting himself he gets supply, But you know what, He's not wrong. Knowledge is Power. Hunter

Vaknin is not wrong and he doesn't lie or manipulate. He is an N and sociopath and he admits it but his knowledge is prescious. He adds greatly to our knowledge about narcissism. What exactly Narcissim is and how Narcissists behave and what they are, and how exactly all of it works, think..we can get that knowledge only from a narc himself and we did from Vaknin! Just think about it, who would know it better then Narc himself? No one, that is why his knowledge is very important. I had a husband who is N and when I read Sam I just recognized in his writtings what I already knew, I recognized my N and what he does, so I figured it all out [most of it] even before I read Vaknin and I know he is right in every word he wrote, at least on that web site he had first up. Later he started messing up in his videos but the site is all 100% true. I haven't read the book yet but I will. I am just too busy haven't gotten to it yet and I deal with a lot of pain and discomfort. I had 2 accidents in my life, broke my both knees and my neck and was paralyzed 2 times in my life for months,plus I have 2 kids to take care of and I do everything by myself cause my 3 husbands didn't want a disabled woman, even though I am physically ok, I can walk and do everything, I am just limited, I can't do as much as healthy person can, I have to rest a lot otherwise I would get bad pain, so I am just slow. That is why I apologize to Lisa for not reading her books yet but I will, I am just slow as I say, my disability slows me down. Right now I am collecting energy to go shopping next weekend with my kids, doing yoga, walking, resting, so I can walk around and have some fun with them. With me its mostly shopping, I can't really do other things. So thats about it. For me Vaknin's knowledge is important, I don't care about his personal life and I think you should disassociate his knowledge from his personal life. His wife knows enough and is smart and capable enough to take care of herself. If I was able to kick my Narc husband out and take care of 2 kids all by myself, I am sure she can do it too. She stays with him cause he wants too. I have talked to a lot of abused women in my life and all of them just want to complain about their abusive husbands. I tried to helped them and my friendships with them lasted for years but I was used just as someone they can constantly complain to, none of them ever wanted to live their violent husbands [beating every day was involved in every case].They didn't want to leave and I just couldn't have them as friends any more, I couldn't listen any more. I am able to help anyone who needs help, abused, homeless, hungry, get them on their feet. Its my job, its my human duty. I do it my whole life, but they didn't want help. They wanted to stay and be beaten up, so after a few years trying to convince them to leave and let me help them I had to get rid of them. I tried....so these women want to stay with their violent husbands. There is nothing you can do. I can just be angry at her, I can't feel sorry for her, cause I met so many cases even much worse then that one. Remember that she can leave. Go try to convince her to leave him ! I bet you wouldn't succeed ! Why would you feel sorry for someone who doesn't want to help herself! Just remember that she can any time!!! But she doesn't want to!! So if she is really abused by him and stays with him willingly I can only despize her, I don't feel sorry a bit !!!

Vaknin is a self aware narcissist. Doesn't mean he's a nice man and if you listen carefully to his videos, he makes zero pretence that he's a great guy. Of all the writers and commentators on narcissism I've read and listened to, he's the most scathing critic. I don't blame you for being repelled by him on a personal level, but feel he's a legitimate reference.

I have used his blog posts as a reference tool to help me understand and he has helped me understand NPD better, but i have also used alot of other reference tools in the vast library/encyclopedia that is the internet. I do not follow him, and I do not feel at all victimized by his writtings. His wife Betty has stayed with him by her own choice. I completely disagree that 'we might as well go back to the N" - I am empowered by my knowledge but I do not credit him with my recovery AT ALL. It's my work he is just a reference.

As I said I learned about Narcissism from him, because my current husband , the 3rd one is Narc. I have figured out 6 months into the marriage that something is very wrong with him, so I went to google, entered symptoms, keywords and came across Sam Vaknin's site. I have already figured out a lot of things about my N and I knew what he was doing before I read Vaknin. Most things he wrote about Ns I already knew I just recognized it in his writing, so he is not totally wrong about it. I learned a lot from him. On the other hand I am not admirer, follower or fan of anyone, I read things, the content and thats it, I never try to get into personality or personal life of anyone who writes anything. For me knowledge is one thing, person is another thing. Whatever he does, even if he does try to use his readers as fans and as Narc supply, he can't get me, cause after my Narc I learned so much that I can recognize and figure out the most subtle, most intelligent and most indirect Ns now. It has been already 7 years of learning from me. So I can read and watch him or anyone but I analyze everything they say. I notice mistakes, I notice everything. Sam Vaknin can't fool me. I watched a few videos and noticed so many mistakes and totally untrue things he said, so I am not blindly buying anything, even though I am interested what he has to say but I read him 7 years ago and after that I was researching it myself, I learned it on my own. I know that one person may be wrong in so many things, may omit so many things, have a very wrong ideas about so many things and I am analyzing it and not accepting anyone's word for granted. I listen read but then research it myself, test it, observe people etc because I have to learn from myself, I need my own experience to understand. Every narc is different, so I learn from others and from my own research. I personally added so many things to it, in my mind. I discovered much more then what I got from reading others, I just never put it down on the paper, I am actually stil learning and, reading Lisa and this forum and thinking. It is all in pieces still in my mind I haven't really put it together yet, but all of us have different experience and can add all of it together and have much better and bigger picture about it. Narcissism is dangerous, we have to keep going. Sam is right in one thing , they are re-inventing themselves but I wouldn't say evolving, they are re-arranging themselves, their act all the time and we have to be careful. I never knew anything about him as a person and personal life but thank you for the info I am going to look into it and try to figure out what is going on there. Thanks Lisa and all of you. You are really helping me deal with all narcs and sociopaths around me, I am always learning something new from you and I am grateful that all of you exist and that we can help each other. I will take Sam appart now, analyze him, I haven't done it before so I have no clue about his personality what his goals really are and about his personal life. Thank for the info love

Narcs tell the truth and lies its whatever works for them to extract supply. In his case the truth works for him to extract supply from all of us. Im no fan of the man but in my opinion he speaks the truth.

We are listening because he's telling it like it is. You yourself can recover and go about your life without listening to him at all :) If we knew the real personalities behind the world's wisest people, the greatest inventors, the greatest literary writers, the strongest leaders, we'd never listen to anybody LOL!! It is a kind of logical fallacy (ad hominem) to assume that because the man is a disgusting pig of a Narc and Psychopath (and he most certainly is) that what he says is 100% poisonous spew. Fortunately, or unfortunately, so much of what he is saying rings true for anyone who's dealt with a Narc personally or as a health provider. Ya can't argue with facts. This is one of those areas where there are many shades of grey. It's not black and white. No one here has to kow tow to Sam Vaknin to find something useful, for THEM, in his scads of writing. If he spewed nothing but poison, then I should be dead or in a Mental Marriot instead of here in the trenches with y'all :) You are not even slightly alone, there ImStrong. A whole lot of other people share your opinions about him. He's just not off limits here. If someone could come along and give good examples of why he is wrong, rather than just attack his personhood (which is extremely revolting BTW), then I'm all ears. I want to know the truth, or as close to it as I can get :) And the truth doesn't always come in pretty packages.

She is a grown woman that at least has the opprotunity to know what she is getting into, unlike us, who find out about the Narc's AFTER the fact. I don't like Sam V much, but I do find his writtings and info on Narc's to be pretty right on...and helped me to understand the behavior, pattern and showed me the Narc was never going to bring anything but problems into my life (and he did!)

Sam Vaknin's articles are still eye-openers for me. When he mentions how a Narc/Psych who disguises himself as a trusted mentor is one of the most insidious type, how Narcs/Psychs take advantage of being teachers, what one would have to sacrifice to be wedded to an N/P... reading what he's written, I'm MORE faithful in keeping NC. It keeps me from envying the woman who married&had kids with the ex-Psych professor. In other words, it shows the ugly truth... far better than the beautiful lies.

we listen because this topic will never stop people with empathy from the fascination and pure jaw dropping antics of the PDI's. I don't always agree with Sam, but you nailed it in your post: 'Entertainment". Some Narcs in my life (work or acquittances) are very entertaining for me to be around for a SHORT minute. I observe, and giggle to myself for entertainment. I wouldn't go getting into a political debate with one or anything, but sometimes they can be funny. It's not just Sam that capitalizes on being a Narcissist either. Most of your favorite movies/TV shows were PROBABLY written, directed by and staring a Narcissist. Try to google celebrities speaking out against narcissistic I never tried but I'm sure there isn't many. Hopefully, hollywood will get less Narcissistic in the future :(