His Obsession With My Past

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#1 Jul 1 - 9AM

Anonymous (not verified)

His Obsession With My Past

I just had a really traumatizing experience with a narcissist, i believed and felt everything was real and than I could feel him fading away and would find me less and less happy and when I brought it to his attention, he always had excuses. So one day, he said he needed his space but in the next breath I should move on, there was no emotion or feeling, he also said he cannot forgive me for my past.

You see after we were intimate, he used to interrogate me, ask me questions, am i the best? have you ever said that to another partner? have you ever been this way? too how many people i have slept with in the past to the hook ups, do be honest I couldnt remember everything and sometimes my story would change and he would think i was being dishonest. (like that was my intention or like i even wanted to talk about the past) He was insisted on knowing more and more and it would throw me into depression. He would stop the car and interrogate me to extremes and then apologize and love me again, not sure why i put up with it because that was the only real downfall i viewed us as perfect!

I am wondering why the obsession with the past? has anyone ever experienced this? He also always wanted to be intimate three to five times daily. Was that him projecting because he has something to hide? Or his way of devaluing me? His last words to me were bottom line, I cant forgive your past, I wake up angry with you everyday and noone will ever accept your past and you will never meet anyone as good as me. This was a sudden switch in personality i have never witnessed and hasnt contacted me since over a week ago. Is he going to contact me?

Do you suggest doing anything like writing an email? Letting him know i know who he is? Should I give everything he gave me back? Does it even matter to someone like this? I dont know, i really have to stop obssessing. He drove me crazy and i often thought this is not going to work out, but the no contact thing i just cant comprehend, its like he died and our relationship never existed.

#2 Jul 1 - 6PM

better off

It's my opinion that he was

It's my opinion that he was indeed projecting...they seem to think everyone is like them...he likely has a long long string of women he's used, so he grilled you about YOUR past. And as Barbara said, it's also to have something to punish you with. It wouldn't have mattered what you said to him. I'm the minority of women who were never contacted again, the fact that he told you earlier he "closes the door on the past" was a hint about that sort of thing. We had a lovely poster named ms jeeves who had her fiance dump her and made sure she could never reach him again, more like your situation.

#3 Jul 1 - 4PM

quietude (not verified)

past

I freakin' hated when he did this to me. I called him on it once and told him he might as well be shining a bright light in my face like a prisoner. He didn't like that much. It was a yelling and raging fest after that for a while. I found myself trying to get ahead of him with overkill when he'd ask me how he was compared to others. I bombarded him right back with accolades so he'd just shut up. How sad what we put ourselves through...the amount of work it takes to keep up with an N is just staggering, and there is no way I'm up for that anymore!

#4 Jul 1 - 4PM

Barbara (not verified)

he might

he might - which is why you must institute NO CONTACT and not respond. NO CONTACT If you get and read Lisa's book (Link over on the right) It will answer a LOT of your questions. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#5 Jul 1 - 11AM

cherlynn76@hotm... (not verified)

Is He Going To Contact Me Down The Road

Do I need to be ready for him trying to get me back at some point? He used to tell me he always closes the door on the past and never contacts anybody from his past. I want to know, so i can be prepared. Or is there no real answer to this question. How could i have been fooled? They are amazing manipulators.

#6 Jul 1 - 11AM

Barbara (not verified)

cherlynn76

user name: go down in the lower right hand part of this site and click on MY ACCOUNT to change the name. You read Vaknin (ick) http://www.enpsychopedia.org/index.php/Sam_Vaknin You need to read REAL information. Get Lisa's book, get HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN by Sandra Brown, MA. Get WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU by Dr. Sandy Hotchkiss. Who cares WHY he told you those things? It's usually to scare or confuse and ultimately CONTROL. His family was probably happy to have someone take him off their hands! They may be pathological too. DO NOT SEND HIM ANY BOOKS. NOTHING!!!!! NO CONTACT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#7 Jul 1 - 11AM

Barbara (not verified)

cherlynn76

Narcs & other pathologicals love to find out everything they can about you during the luring phase. It's to: 1. have loads of personal information they can hold over your head to control & manipulate you 2. make you think only THEY can understand you. 3. find out more to "mirror" you and keep you locked in. Are you in counseling? I strongly suggest you do so, on a short term basis ASAP. You should like you have a mild case of PTSD and if you don't get after it - it will become permanent. As for your questions: Do you suggest doing anything like writing an email? Letting him know i know who he is? HELL NO!!!! He will stalk you and attack you verbally (and mayber in other ways) NEVER EVER tell them you think they are an N. It accomplishes NOTHING. NO CONTACT!!! Block his emails, IMs and delete Texts and voicemails WITHOUT LISTENING. Any mail, flowers write "DELIVERY REFUSED" and RETURN TO SENDER - WITHOUT OPENING THEM!!! Should I give everything he gave me back? If you can find a way to drop off everything WITHOUT SEEING HIM OR HAVING ANY CONTACT then do so. It would be cathartic. Does it even matter to someone like this? Who cares? They can't feel. They aren't human. They are predatory monsters. There is no treatment, curing or getting them help. NO CONTACT!! I dont know, i really have to stop obssessing. All victims obsess - sometimes for a long, long time. Its part of deprogramming from their hypnosis, mind control and brainwashing. - Get Lisa's book - Stay around and post here. Go to our Message Board and READ the numerous articles I have put up over the last couple months. - NO CONTACT WITH HIM - NONE - it takes a LONG time but it does get better ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#8 Jul 1 - 11AM (Reply to #6)

cherlynn76@hotm... (not verified)

Got it, no contact

Why would he admit to narcissim? that is just something i would never admit too. Would they have left eventually anyway? What type of women can deal with this and have successful relationships with N's is it possible? For some reason, my account username is my email and its not letting me change it.

#9 Jul 1 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

cherlynn76@hotm... (not verified)

Thanks for your response

I have read Self Malignant Mind and its scary that people like this our out there. The last three weeks have been tough i am not going to lie, not eating, sleeping, dreaming about him, praying, church twice a day, I have contacted a counselor about this but only go once every two weeks. I feel like my anger at him was part of the reason he left me. However, his obsessing over my past and wanting to make sure our intimacy was different from other experiences always was scary. But he always swept me off my feet. Why did he admit he was a narcissist? and OCD? and he takes lexapro, why would one admit that? Why would his family embrace me like they did? I am sure they know of this problem? Why cant I stop thinking of the other women he is probably already wooing, it drives me crazy!! I traveled with him for two months, we were inseperable the only negative was the questioning, but once life started getting back to normal, i was working..a little more stressed..he used to say whatever I do isnt good enough for you, because I felt he was changing, but he could never see my point of view or perspective How do i change my username by the way for some reason it is showing my email I was thinking of sending the Self Malignant love book to him, but i guess that is too much. I will buy lisas book too. Obssessed

#10 Jul 5 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

Lisa E. Scott

Obsession with past

Barbara is right on when she summarizes why they interrogate us about our past. To quote her: Narcs & other pathologicals love to find out everything they can about you during the luring phase. It's to: 1. have loads of personal information they can hold over your head to control & manipulate you 2. make you think only THEY can understand you. 3. find out more to "mirror" you and keep you locked in. It is NONE of his business what you did in your past. It wouldn't matter what you said to him anyway. He would find a way to make you feel guilty about it and tell you no one will want you now. It's total manipulation. What a pathetic, insecure man. Good riddance. Do NOT confront him. NO CONTACT!

#11 Jul 1 - 6PM (Reply to #3)

rll1997 (not verified)

It sounds like you're dating my Ex.

Hi Cherylann, This man sounds just like my Ex. He would interrogate me all the time about my past. Though I had only been intimate with two other men he would want to know all the details and then rub my nose in it. I never actually found out how many women he had slept with because frankly I didn't care and it wasn't any of my business. The past is the past. It sounds to me like he is just trying to degrade you. The reason why he says he is not going to contact you is because he is punishing you about your past. Don't fall for it. Guilt is the manipulator in his case. You're never going to be good enough for this guy who is a bottomless pit. Before you know it he will wants to know what you are doing, who you are talking to and what have you been talking about. When you find that smothering he will blame it on you because he can't trust you because of your past. Don't believe what he tells you because you are a good person and he knows it, that's what attracted him to you to begin with. But he's trying to drag you down so that he can control you. Will he contact you? You bet he will. He's not done with you by a long shot. Don't return any gifts. Keep them. You've at least earned them. Don't talk to him, don't email him, don't text him. Absolutely no contact. I know you miss him, but you are going to waste your life if you stay with him. Hold your head up and be proud of yourself. You deserve so much more and you will get absolutely nothing from him. Be ready, because he will contact you again.

#12 Jul 1 - 9PM (Reply to #4)

Barbara (not verified)

rll1997

I have to disagree about the gifts. That's a form of CONTACT and a possible PTSD trigger. If she can return them without seeing him or speaking to him I would. Like putting them in a book with JUST his name on it and leaving them at his front door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

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