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his last email...makes me angry

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#1 May 17 - 9PM
broken23
broken23's picture

his last email...makes me angry

before i had gotten down to figuring out about his cheating, i was hurt and confused and i was asking for answers and had told him i dont know what he gives importance to in his life and had ignored him for two days, this is what he wrote.

"i give importance to things in my life that are supportive rather than making me feel like crap days before the biggest day of my life. i go through lots of things, especially this weekend but i dont project my emotions onto someone that doesnt need to see it. anyways my feelings are not important."

when i first read it a month ago, i was so confused, and literally i asked my friend huh?
today, after having been on this forum...it is so clear. the anger/pity (my feelings arent impt poor me), the grandoise statement...biggest day in his life (he had a presentation), vagueness (i have no clue what he went through that weekend minus having an affair). I thought it was so weird he said i dont project my emotions (this was well before i knew anything about projection). but its so twisted...so if i was there for him to project his anger then he would have.

so disturbing when i look back. where was my head???

May 17 - 9PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Ugh. "I give importance to

Ugh. "I give importance to things that are supportive." My N's answer for everything he did to f*ck me was, "You beat me up every day." And every day it would be some other mind-bogglingly absurd, outrageous thing that he who do, like a challenge to me to "support" it, take it, put up with it. The total mind-crunch of the N: The one thing: "If you're nice to me for awhile, things will be fine between us." Then, they pile on the lies, the cheating, the complete psycho stuff. Of course, we only last about a day before we go nuts on them, then we have to start all over if they give us another chance. It's the perfect set up; they keep giving us another chance, infinitely, infinitely, infinitely, and we always "fail." Imagine that.
May 17 - 11PM (Reply to #8)
broken23
broken23's picture

helldweller i didnt even

helldweller i didnt even notice he called me a thing...haha. i guess just one more confirmation he is a N for sure. exactly one is expected to continue to be a doormat and nice even though they cheat, lie and abuse. i have wondered so many times if i just didnt question him would i still have the relationship then i get angry for wanting such a f'ed up relationship
May 17 - 11PM (Reply to #2)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

The Confusing double speak of Ns

When I read your email it reminded me of something that happened with my N that was soooo similar. He lied to me about his retirement ceremony. He said there wasn't going to be one, yet I found out by accident through a friend that there was one. When I called him crying about how hurt I felt that he didnt' invite me, he waited 5 days then called me back and said to me..."how dare I do ruin the most important day of his life". How DARE I for catching him in a lie!! What a jerk I was to go back to him. He lied to me, then he turns it around on me. They speak this double messaging sh*t. I was such a fool. Oh well....
May 17 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Starting Over.....
Starting Over... and Over's picture

Pray for me

Ladies pray for me! It's only been 4 days NC and I am seriously tempted to call him. I cant stop thinking about my part in outr fighting. I nagged and bitched at him about my suspicions all the time and in the end was constanly pissed at hima and verbally abusive myself! What do i do? Please help I need your advice! IM STRUGGLING BIG TIME!! Love beautiful selves! ~Staring Over

~ God is Bigger, God is ABLE!

May 18 - 5AM (Reply to #6)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

I was verbally abusive to my

I was verbally abusive to my narc , oh my i called him all the names under the sun , i was like a fish wife screaming at him . I have never screamed at someone like that in all my life .The reason i screamed at him was because he pushed me to the limmit and he knew he was doing so i would look like the unstatable one (which i was at that point i was madder than mad mc mad )... never appoligise to him , never .They twist everthing , Stay with us , keep strong , the fog will lift in a few weeks . Scoop x
May 18 - 5AM (Reply to #7)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ME TOO SCOOP....

finally all his bullshit became a self fulfilling prophecy....for years he had told me and anyone else who would listen to his crap, about how i didn't care anything about him....showed him no respect...no consideration...had nothing but contempt for him...hated his guts...wanted him dead.......and FINALLY....HE GOT IT...... i said every hateful thing i could think of to say to him...i chided and taunted him about everything from the size of his dick to the size of his IQ...i unloaded on him.....years and years of resentment and burning hatred...... and all it did was make him behave even worse...... but i was tired of it.....all of it....he's damn lucky he died from liver failure...because i had something a lot uglier in mind for him......i was fed up.......... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 17 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
better off
better off's picture

Hang on, girl. Your brain

Hang on, girl. Your brain wants its drug back...you've got to tell yourself, the rational part of yourself, that THIS FEELING WILL PASS. If this had been a normal relationship, WOULD you have "nagged and bitched at him about your suspicions all the time?" Of course not. Whose fault was it that you HAD suspicions. That proved to be true I'm sure. Whose fault was it that you were constantly pissed at him? Yours? If he was a normal boyfriend would you have been constantly pissed at him. Because of your own nature, and his training, you are blaming yourself for his behavior. But really you just need a fix and you'll convince yourself of almost anything. It's like izzy said in another post...it's like an alcoholic thinking "what's one drink?" I had a friend that helped me through the first brutal phase of NC, and her words that would always ring in my mind were "no good can come of it." No good can come of it!! You'll scratch an itch that will bring a VERY temporary relief but you will NEVER get it to STOP itching if you do it. One thing I did tell myself, was I CAN contact him...but I won't. If I set myself up in the loop of thinking I CANNOT, then it was like wanting to eat a dozen doughnuts after going on a diet. So, in reality, I could contact him if I wanted to...but in the end I didn't want to pay the price it would cost. I could contact him right now, I could send him an email right this second if I wanted to. But it's not worth it. It will never ever be worth it. I remember posting here when I was 3 days NC and I thought I was going to die. I didn't! :-) Now it's been...(I'm counting in my head because I don't even know) 14 months. I feel like that was someone else now that was crying every day and hurting like that. You can do this. You can!
May 17 - 11PM (Reply to #4)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

Don't Call

Stay strong with me. Don't call. If you call it will do you no good. I feel the way you do, but I am NOT going to call. Lets be strong together. Everything we read on this sight is telling us the truth. These men double talk us. They make us feel like we are doing wrong. They turn it back on us. It is not us, it is them. Don't call. Be strong. I will pray for all of us.