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His family

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#1 Apr 5 - 6AM
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

His family

What do you think?

Do I tell his family what I know of him?

Do I tell them that he set me up, used me, had hidden agendas, knew what he was doing?

They wouldn't believe me because it's taken me first hand experience and a lot of thought and feeling to get this far. I didn't want to see it but I had to.

They haven't contacted me since xmas, do I leave it or do I make an effort to keep in touch. If I don't it will look like I am purposefully not keeping in touch (which would be correct).

Apr 8 - 6PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

family ties......

i know the psycho's mommydearest was dishing him money for booze...while he was refusing to work...and letting his two young children do without things they needed.... she chose to support her 'darling boy' instead of her grandchildren..... it shouldn't surprise me to see how these bastards enlist family members to pander to their pathology....but somehow it stil does..
Apr 6 - 6AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

children....

the psychonarc hates children, including his own...early on i could see that quite clearly...and i convinced his first wife to cut off any and all contact between him and his children... he was already starting to use his tactics on them...withholding, gaslighting...luckily they were still fairly young and don't seem to have suffered any effects, except that his youngest daughter seems to have inherited his love of booze...and has been sneak drinking since her early teens, i hear..... the psychonarc sees all children as a burden and a bother..and i think that at the age of SIXTY, that is also cutting into his pool of victims.... thank goodness...
Apr 5 - 7PM
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I've been pondering the same

I've been pondering the same question myself. I haven't spoken to anyone but his sister when he first left. I was devastated, and mine left like he was depressed and suicidal anyway.(if I had been so lucky)...Her reply to me was that she and mother knew something was wrong with him, and had worried so. (mother has passed)...She said she had hoped he had changed with me and the kids. My question is this, if they knew something was wrong with him, how could they have let me and my two young sons jump in the fire? They had known he was "different" since childhood! I am the Queen of Denial, and I didn't think the two previous marriages were a big deal, since he said "they didn't work out, because they weren't me. He had been waiting his whole life for me, his Angel." PUKE! Speaking for myself, I would never let an innocent woman and two young boys be put in that unstable situation without dropping a hint, or maybe waving a flag! At some point, I think families are responsible for exposure, not enabling. That's just me though..........Rich people must not think so?
Apr 5 - 9PM (Reply to #9)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Gullable

I too, was a single mother with two boys (at the time, they were 4 & 6). He had them call him "Dad" & stupid me, allowed it. The boys are now almost 13 & 15. He not only broke my heart, he broke theirs as well. He moved in with a lady that had two boys while he supposively was still with us ( he worked out of town). I am having big issues with the 15 yr old. He throws the narc at my face all the time...
Apr 6 - 6AM (Reply to #13)
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My 15 yr old is having

My 15 yr old is having problems too. Where he was once outgoing, gregarious, motivated, and ambitious..He is now depressed, withdrawn and claims he likes to just play video games because then he doesn't think. I'm getting him help, but it's hard enough for a teen coming into his own, without this kind of trauma. My boys don't know the stbxnph dx, but once he was gone, I did tell them he was bipolar. That is what I was led to believe at the time.I had to tell them something, because his behavior was so out of character from what they had been shown, and they knew something was up. He was mean! In hindsight, I see he was an N with his mask off...and he loved it! In hindsight, I also see clearly that we were just his toys. The boys someone to play with...me, someone to work hard and make it easy for him to play. Marriage to him, was a game without a warranty...just puppets in his play.....Now piled on the top of the heap of people he has used, abused and discarded. My 17 yr old takes it much better..says that __is just a man without morals, that didn't mean to hurt us. Ok..well said. My 17 yr old is far more a man than the thing that left here that appeared human, that took up lots of space, and made huge messes. So glad he's gone..Just worry so about our future. It's not fair we have to be left in this situation, while he's gone, broken up another family to get an old supply back, living high on the hog, and doesn't understand why he should responsible for providing us a home???? Jerk! Best thing you can do with your older son, is let him know you love him and that everything will be alright. I promise mine we will be alright, and I will take care of them....but I don't know how in the heck I'm going to? Your oldest feels responsible for things now, and he's not ready for that. I think that might be why he projects anger to you about the narc. Let him be a kid as long as you can. Take him to a college and get him excited about Him. Start planning great things for him....I know I will be poor enough for mine to go to school! No way around that! I could get over this all a lot easier if he had just used me, but he used my babies...I find that appalling..but that is what drives me every day. I may not accomplish much in court, but there is no one alive that is going to try harder or smarter to expose that con man for just what he is, and just what games he plays with people...if he hasn't bribed the judge?
Apr 5 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

letting kids push your buttons

sounds like your 15 year old likes emotional blackmail too (like your DD did) because you react to it. Is he in therapy? And you need to say "N is no longer here. I am. He was unhealthy for me and for you. So deal with me. He is no longer to be discussed." and when the 15 year old does bring it up... do not acknowledge. IGNORE. He has seen it pushes your buttons. ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 8 - 8PM (Reply to #11)
TexN (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Yes, I agree

My son does know how to push my buttons. He will be starting therapy soon (appt. is set). He has Tourette's to boot so he is definitely a hand full!
Apr 8 - 11PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

emotional blackmail

you have to STOP allowing him to push your buttons. one of my kids is pulling this (nothing to do with exNH thank goodness) lately... I am putting a fast stop to it ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 5 - 12PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the family tree

the psychonarcs mother was a psychonarc...his father was a raging maintenace alcoholic....who needed glasses of hot vodka per day to 'maintain'...... his family knew what he was..and i think it's safe to assume that the family of yours knows what he is....they just either don't care..or are employing magical thinking... the wormy apple doesn't fall far from the tree...so it would be best to stay away from the entire orchard........
Apr 5 - 12PM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the family tree

the psychonarcs mother was a psychonarc...his father was a raging maintenace alcoholic....who needed glasses of hot vodka per day to 'maintain'...... his family knew what he was..and i think it's safe to assume that the family of yours knows what he is....the just either don't care..or are employing magical thinking... the wormy apple doesn't fall far from the tree...so it would be best to stay away from the entire orchard........
Apr 5 - 11AM
moving on
moving on's picture

Leave it Alone

I agree with Barbara. In my personal experience, I had only talked to his mother briefly on the phone when she thanked me for taking his sorry butt to the hospital in the middle of the night. My lawyer sent a letter to her on my behalf informing her of her son's behavior and that legal action would be taken if the money owed to me was not returned. No response and it just made me seem bitter. I would let it go. The N probably will convince his family that you are crazy as he probably did, saying he didn't owe anything blah blah blah. Take it from someone whose been through it, it's not worth it.
Apr 5 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

why bother

you answered your own question. if they haven't been in touch AND they wouldn't believe you... why bother? RUN SCREAMING ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 5 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

thought you'd say that

I suppose the guilty thinking sets in. All this is so alien to how I would normally treat people. It just feels bad having animosity all around me like this. I do like the idea of running though.
Apr 5 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Healingnow

really... what would this accomplish? ask yourself that... other than pot-stirring doesn't seem like it would do much good. other than setting a whole bunch more pathologicals against YOU and making YOU look like a vindictive woman... do not bother ~~~~~~~~~ Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth. - Franklin D. Roosevelt Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals
Apr 8 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
alfrebob
alfrebob's picture

I have a 2 year old son with

I have a 2 year old son with my ex N. He is not able to see him unless assisted by social workers. None of my exN's family even acknowledged my son's birth. We were engaged and owned a house together when i became pregnant. I wrote to them all asking them to acknowledge my little boy. I said I want nothing financial from them but just an email now and then asking for my son's welfare because he is part of their family and carries their name. I offered to send pictures if they wanted. I sent an email to his sister, two brothers and his parents. NOT ONE REPLY! A week later I sent them all another email with details of his abuse of me and my kids (social services reports), police records and the 5 restraining orders from me and his previous two wives. STILL NOTHING. They all know what he is but choose to bury their heads in the sand. They have no contact with any of his kids because the kids refuse to see him so they refuse to see his kids. They knew what he was when he came in and destroyed my life and that of my kids. I was his third. NEVER, EVER bother to contact his family. If they have not bothered to support you then they are as bad as him. After all they raised him!!