High School Reunion: Do I stay or do I go now?

Oh, I got so caught up in my own chaos, I forgot to answeryour question. I believe you shouldn`t go..I mean, I remember each time I saw mine, after a D&D, acted all strong and big girl, tried to enjoy the atmosphere, the people.. But it was like he was imitating me, if I went to a corner of the room, he went to the opposite in the same place. If I acted, laughed, he did the same. Until the pressure was too much in the air, and then I saw his eyes and his smile, and at first, I try to be strong and not to react. And then when he tries to make contact or something, I answer in a cold and distant tone, and then walk. But here`s the trick..when I look back, and then see his puppy dog stare, I feel so guilty that I rejected him, that instead of telling him how much I missed him, I acted like a cold Ice Queen, that I can`t take it..in those moments, when I`m so vulnerable, and I see him sad I want to forget about everything and anything, take him to the nearest room, and rip his clothes off, you know?..THAT happened to me to Prom, THAT happened after every Devaluation and Discard he applied to me..after the pain in my eyes grew wider and deeper.. That`s why I`m saying to you, please think well before you go. Don`t let him screw up again everything you tried to hard to build, meaning your life. It is like in that story with the Scorpion and the Swan. The Swan assumed that her compassion, was the same as Scorpion`s compassion. We are Swans, we turn our heads back, and feel sory for them. They are Scorpions, they sting, and laugh after. Never forget what he is. Best of luck and take care of yourself! Do something nice for yourself, whether you go to that reunion or not. It`s YOU time now :-) GG

I peeked some while ago on his profile ( yes I know, bad bad girl ) and saw that he`s back in town..the same town I live now. Bad decision, since I knew, I`ve had pannick attaks and the pressure has so much increased..he totally knows he still has so much power over me, and it`s like, he`s waiting for me to break down and call him or something.. He knows I still want him, and he`s waiting in the shadows like a vampire for his prey, I can feel that. There are moments of "what if`s", or when I see two people in love on the street, then I get so vulnerable and nostalgic about everything. But I suppose he knows that very well too, and if there was ever a chance, and if he was real, he would have been with me ages ago. But no, he wants control and torture. And doesn`t have the guts to talk to me like an adult, he always needs a whole "audience" with him, wing men and other women.. On the other hand, my life starts going in parralel, in a good way too..I have those certain moments since I found out he`s around, when I get very vulnerable, but they pass. It`s a new day tommorrow, and hope the sun will shine.

I just dealt with this same issue last month. There was a reunion for all the kids that grew up on our street. I haven't seen these people for 30 years...all except for the narc. I so wanted to go b/c it was sure to be fantastic to see everyone again. I didn't want to miss it and I thought since would be 9 months NC...that I would probably be okay with seeing him. But Hunter gave me the best advice. It just wasn't worth it and it really would have been a setback to see him again, especially feeling all the love and memories of growing up together. There was no telling what the narc would have done, including bringing another girl for the weekend just to hurt me. I had never even thought of this, but certainly could have happened for sure. I just don't think like narcs at all. So I did not go. And he didn't go either. I think he is so paranoid of me now, b/c I know what he is and he knows I can talk major shit about him, not that I would. And I am more than okay with my decision. Yes, I am sad it didn't happen this year. But I am pretty sure this is going to be an annual event...so I will go in the future sometime, when I am indifferent. I think you know what to do. There will be more chances to reunite when you are stronger and indifferent. Just my 2 cents.

I gotta chime in on this one, I found reunions are intoxicating for narcs, it's the trifecta of all they desire. A chance to relive youth An opportunity to be stimulated and exited Opportunity, and hope some hs fling may wanna go another round. Mine had an One night stand in a Jan of a particular year, he wanted desperately to patch things up, we were attempting counseling, and trying to regain trust (wasn't his first sex on side) One weekend in may rolls around and I can't find they guy? Come to find out he took off , drove to another state to attend his 30 year reunion? Not a word previous. He was lying in wait to make the trip, I of course wasn't invited. Well, he returned home, i was so pissed. He was aloof, despondent, with holding affection dropped out of therapy. Swearing nothing happened, this was all my fault for nagging him so much, and not meeting his needs, ( house car.....) I found out some time later, he had met a woman from hs. They were chatting, calling, making plans to be together. He said she boosted his ego by calling him a catch! I was so devastated, after the last affair, therapy, promising? He could still walk if something more stimulating came along. He eventually dumped the hs girl. She told him to pack sand. He told her about me, that he was choosing me. Omg?!!!! Really! Me??. Yay..... I won the prize!!! Again! I learned about this entire affair months after. This was supposed to make me feel warm and loved, that I was chosen. My point? Reunions are hunting grounds, (see 1-3). If you think have the slightest doubt you may be tempted for a roll in the hay. Skip. If you can say, hell no! Wouldn't touch him ever! know he will work his narc charm on another unsuspecting probably willing participant, ask yourself if your ok watching that little melodrama unfold.

Me personally, screw him........I would go, but thats me. These moments come but so rarely. Me being on my reunion committee, look forward to these events. No one would keep me from it. I am sure the room, hall, what ever the circumstances are, will be large enough where you won't have to interact with him. Ignore him, like you would ignore the bully, from across the room. Don't give him another thought. It's been 5 months for you? When is the reunion, next month? If it is something important to you, HONESTLY IMPORTANT, then go......if it's something you could live with or without, then definatly DON'T GO. That's my opinion, may not be the general concensus but it is what it is. We give these narcs waaaayyyy too much control over us. And isn't part of healing from them, taking control back, taking us back? Me, I would get my hair done, nails done, buy a beautiful dress and walk into that room as if he never existed. Head held high, smile on my face and a feeling of confidence. He may have won some big battles but he isn't gonne win the war. Just my thoughts..........

Stay Home, if he's there you are going to have meltdown! Anything goes with these idiots, don't you see these people in your town all the time? It's one day, a day to cause a major set back! Plan something great for that day, take a long weekend! Hunter

It's so unfair! You shouldn't have to even think about this. You should be able to do whatever you want. But, the reality is that with the possibility of him being around and you being at 5mo NC, the downside of breaking that NC is much too great. You need to think about protecting yourself and continuing on your healing. Even seeing him will sway that and set you back. Believe me, I know and wish I didn't. And if you have verbal contact, it's even harder. I agree - do something nice and special for yourself to celebrate how far you've come. Don't think of it as him having control or taking power over you. Think of it as YOU taking control of yourself in relation to him, doing what YOU need to do to heal and be safe and not putting yourself in a situation that could end up hurting you. The power is in YOUR hands!

I think at 5 months NC- you are still too vulnerable and raw from this ordeal with the N. I know I would be. I really think this 18 month thing is right on. at 5 months- you are just beginning to get back yourself, stop doubting yourself, get clarity, get resolve.....and seeing him , having contact with him, him potentially being a total ass could set your healing back big time. I say- on that day- do something fantastic for yourself instead!!!! Make it your day to celebrate the beauty of you and the glory that you survived and will now thrive... Blessings!