Hi, and for the new members

I haven't posted for a while, I've been very busy swimming upstream in the current of life. I feel myself getting stronger with every stroke.

I wanted to say that since I joined here in the winter, in the depths of despair, I've been through so many colors of grief, recovery, awakening, and growth. It has not been easy. It's been a constant struggle. But it feels as though the worst is over. Although there are still moments. But they are no longer unbearable or as overwhelming.

I just want to say to the newcomers here:

Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride. No doubt about it. You can expect to feel pain, fear, grief, loneliness, and shed many tears. Fasten your seat belts.

But hold on tight. Stay true to you. Never let go of yourself or put your interests beneath those of anyone else. Seek joy, any healthy source of joy that you can find, every single day, look around you and find a reason to be grateful. For the beautiful colour of your blanket, to the singing birds, the chirping crickets, for your friend's smile, for the pleasant exchange with the person in the produce department at the grocery store. The world is full of wonder and joy. Seek it, see it, drink it in. It will nourish you and give you the strength to go on, just when you think you can't.

Please know that it will get better. It will. It absolutely will even though you feel it won't. I questioned that myself in the winter. I needed to hear people tell me that over and over again because I didn't believe it. I felt constant anxiety, a crushing pain in my chest, and all I could do was think about what was lost.

It's important to grieve. Let it all out, there is no crime in grieving, crying, mourning. Don't beat yourself up because you are crying or having bad dreams or flashbacks. It will eventually start to diminish and it will pass. In the meantime, don't judge it or beat yourself up about it.

I used to worry whether I would meet anyone like him again. I see now that he had a few tricks to entice and lure me, and a few tricks in bed that titillated me but none of this constitutes a sustainable relationship. I don't know who it is that will walk into my life next, but I'm not worried about it any more. I'm enjoying rebuilding my life, it's fun, it's interesting, it's stimulating, and it's fine the way it is right now. I am open to loving someone again, but am not worried about the who's and when's and wherefores. Trust in the Universe is my motto.

Fasten your seatbelt. Hold onto your reins. Ride your horse through the valley of darkness. Know that you will move through this. It sometimes seems like you are not moving through it, that you are permanently stuck, but really that is an illusion. You are moving forward. Have faith.

Above all, love yourself, nurture yourself, be gentle with yourself. You will make it through.

Love,
Ophelia