He's gone for good; rebuilding is hard

So it’s been awhile since I wrote on the forum. It’s not because I went back to my ex-N, but mainly because I am somewhat at a loss of what to do at this point. Around Christmas, I sent my exN an email asking if we could find peace and closure with each other. I know, that’s a joke to even take the time to write. But I did it. I also asked him to return 3 items that I found of value that I never asked for when we broke up. I heard nothing at Christmas, then in early January, I left him a curt voicemail just asking him to consider returning my items and if he would let me know if he even still had them. He responded with an email saying he’d look for the items, he knew how much they meant to me, they meant a lot to him, etc. And he added a “P.S.” – that he’s not engaged, he doesn’t know why I think he is, and that he still struggled every day and was afraid to read my emails. I responded and said thank you for agreeing to look and return the items and that I was sorry he was still struggling and had no reason to fear me or my emails. After a few weeks, I never heard or saw the items. So I emailed him a quick email asking if he could let me know if he found them or not. I left him a vmail too. Instead of a response, about 3 weeks ago I got a certified letter in the mail from his attorney telling me to not contact him again and that my contact was causing him undo stress. That he would press charges if I continued to contact him. At first, I went to town writing a letter to his attorney in response. Then I talked to my friends and realized it was all pointless. No matter what I did, he would still find a way to hurt me again. My friends were right – the man always finds a way to hurt me and get the last word no matter what. So I am doing nothing. He wins. He gets the last word. I get no contact and the peace of mind he’s gone. It hurts like hell that this is what it’s come to. That he had to run to an attorney even after he responded. The letter said he was afraid it would quickly deteriorate. Who knows what the hell is thinking. Maybe he finally is engaged and was afraid of how I’d react. Truth is, I want him to marry the OW. I want her to move, quit her job where we work and just get out of my life. I struggle now with why did I ever think this man was the love of my life? How could I have misjudged someone so much? I know it’s because he’s a Narc, that’s how they operate. But still, 7 years and it ends with a letter from an attorney? So now I am just trying to focus on me. But it’s tough. I go through highs where I feel good, then lows when I wonder if I’ll ever meet someone again. I did met a guy on the exact same night I got the email from my exN and as it turned out, we hit it off, however, he was just out of a relationship and was trying to work through things. I should have just walked away, but I kept along for the ride and sure enough, he’s gone back to his ex now. I know it’s not about me, but the whole situation makes me question myself and if I’ll ever be ready to face dating or being with someone again. I feel like I am focusing on me, trying to take care of me, working through the issues that got me with the exN in the first place, but this recent experience just showed me I haven’t learned my lesson. I still haven’t learned to protect me first. No matter how much I think I can control a situation, I can’t, especially the ones where I get invested. I have heard everyone on this forum say it takes years to be ready to date again and I believe it. It’s just been 2 years since my exN and I broke up and I thought I could do it again. I’m not getting any younger and I want a family and part of me is afraid of ending up alone. So I guess I’m forcing it. And I know it’s wrong. Today I just sat in meetings and realized I have to stop thinking of being with someone and come to terms with the fact that I might just end up alone and I need to be ok with that. It’s the only thing I can do to help myself right now. Anyways, I am not pining for my exN any longer, that’s the one positive. And I see him for the coward that he is. But I do cry over losing so much of myself and my life to him. Rebuilding is difficult. Finding me again is hard. Being ok with myself is even harder.