herpoetess's story

I refuse to talk about him.

He has had too much of my attention already. I am here to heal. I don't want to discuss my ex spouse because it is no longer about him, it's about me. I am 48 and even though I look young for my age, the sorrow and isolation has began to show on my face. I want to cleanse the 27 years I knew him from my soul and life. Yes, I need counseling but right now I live too far away to access it and I lack money as I soley support the 3 kids that bastard and I made. I would love to visit a shaman who conducts soul retrieval. But can healing occur if one has not been able to forgive? I keep my anger like a fortress so he wont try to get back in my life.I don't conduct my life according to that anger and I haven't become a miserable person; I refuse to give him that much power over me. He moved far away thank God but in order for me to not forget what he is and what he did to my kids and I, ok... What I did too because I allowed it, resposibility is not all his... my anger towards him is like a privacy fence that is here to remind me and keep boundaries high and strong. Yet I read and understand that healing isn't possible until we forgive. Perhaps this is just a time issue. It's only been less than a year that I left him and only a week since he left the state.