HELP! SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY EARS!

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#1 Mar 18 - 2PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

HELP! SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY EARS!

So my little one (eight years old) came home from school today and said that when she went to play with Eric (the narc's foster child, who is one of her closest pals) he said: "You are part of helldweller's family, so I can't talk to you or play with you." I am going to KILL someone. This man is a FOSTER PARENT SCREWING UP THE MIND OF A DEFENSELESS CHILD! AM I REALLY SUPPOSED TO DO NOTHING? MY DAUGHTER GETS PULLED OUT OF CLASS EACH WEEK FOR COUNSELING OVER THE NARC AS IT IS! NOW SHE IS CRYING AND SAYING SHE IS UGLY AND STUPID AND THAT'S WHY THE NARC DOESN'T WANT HER WITH HIS SON!

Mar 18 - 3PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

NC for kids

This is quite upsetting. The Narc is using his foster son to mess with you. I feel bad for the kid-it's not his fault-it's not his fault that he has a messed-up foster father. Your daughter will have to learn NC.
Mar 18 - 3PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Thank you my friends.

Michele-I sat down with her again, as I do periodically because she is seriously messed up by the narc like I am, and I told her, again, that the narc is very ashamed because of the way he treated us and lied to us so he is pretending he doesn't know us. I try to use some examples she can understand. For example, like when her sister stole a dollar from her and then blamed her nonsenically because she felt guilty. It's not easy to explain to such a little one; it's not easy for US at our ages. My daughter is going to be fine, but I still am horrified for this little boy. Isn't there something I can DO? Shouldn't I report his behavior? That he had this little boy sleeping overnight with multiple women? Calling multiple women "mama?" That he is now teaching the child to ostracize perfectlly nice people for no reason? That he is teaching that we are bad? I mean, this is not even his child.
Mar 18 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
IncognitoBurrito
IncognitoBurrito's picture

Helldweller

"Isn't there something I can DO? Shouldn't I report his behavior?" Unfortunately, I don't think so. Not unless the boy starts showing up to school with bruises, and the like. If you do bring the N's behavior up, it'll be your word, against his. I've never heard of a case where a child was taken away from his/her parents for mental abuse, or mental manipulation. Those are scars no one will be able to see, until they start manifesting themselves in the boy's teenage years-adulthood. It makes me SO MAD when grown-ups mess with children!!!! I have zero tolerance for it. There is no excuse. I'd be breathing fire, too! It sounds like you've done the right thing, in gently explaining things to your daughter. It's unfortunate that the N is playing CHILDREN off of one another. It's sad that your daughter is being alienated from this boy. Really, what he's doing is punishing YOU via the kids. Like some of the other ladies have said, NC might be your only option. Well, I could think of a few others, but they aren't legal. What a piece of Narc work.
Mar 18 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

helldweller

I hope I haven't overstepped my boundaries with giving unsolicited advice...I'm sure you know how best to deal with your daughter, but from the outside looking in...I just saw an opportunity to capitalize on the experience to you advantage rather than making this an issue about the narc and his most recent assault...use it for an overall lesson as if the focus isn't on the narc only... She may register it as Narc only when the reality is *my son was bullied* she may very well encounter this with others as well and if she's given the tools, she won't be so sensitive to it and will know how to handle it. The fact is in general, narcissism is very prevalent in our society...so we do better to arm our kids. Luckily my son has recovered, but it built up to the point where he did have some trauma and at one point was so distraught he wanted to kill himself... And it took a lot to convince him...and I tried to say and do all the right things...these wounds do go very deep...so we have to brainwash them and build them up and make them as tuff as amor as best we can to shield them, not from "specific" offenders but ALL of them. AND it's hard because when there are so many bullies...somehow without fail...good ol society tends to re-victimize the victim... Hugs!
Mar 18 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Heldweller

Rather than focus on the narc though...why not generalize it... Sometimes "people" have "issues" and it doesn't mean they're yours...they can't help what they do for whatever reason and the reasons can be many. The important thing is to own your reality...look in the mirror, do you see those beautiful eyes...do you see...and start pointing out all the good things... Look at how you do such and such... Sometimes sweetie, people have their own issues, they don't feel good about themselves, and so to feel better about themselves they do mean spiteful things to other to feel better about themselves. When they do this, its actually because they wish they had some of what you have...and rather than lash out back at them, just know this and take it in stride... But never own their dysfunction...there are alot of sad things about little "narc foster kid" and so if he doens't want to be your friend that's okay but look, he doesn't have a mommie like you do and I am sure he has some challenges at home...and I don't want to say BAD things about his foster daddy because everyone has their own problems and I won't judge *bite your tongue* Helldweller...teach her how to handle things... and shrug shit off or she will learn how to take in all kinds of toxicity like a sponge...JUST LIKE WE DID!!! She is taking in and will MODEL everything you do...all of it... Grace...charm...charisma...class...build her up...make her dangerous. Hugs!
Mar 18 - 3PM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Helldweller

You have a daughter that can be just as ripe for this kind of abuse. Without getting into the drama and details of it all with your daughter, Without then turning around and teaching her tit for tat... Can this somehow be used as an experience on how to handle these kinds of situations so that they don't emotionally affect her? Could this be used as a lesson on detachment and self esteem?
Mar 18 - 3PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh my god ! ... what a

Oh my god ! ... what a complete prick !... They can turn on you when they realise that you are in NC and they can no longer controle you and they will make sure you get to hear of it even if that means using a child to do so ... pass me the sick bucket PLEASE ! dont take the bait on this one , it is designed to get a rise out of you and that is why he has done it . Youre poor sweet little daughter now needs to be in NC with the narc and if i where you never let his poison anywhere near her and if that means no more play dates with her friend , as sad as that is she cant be part of his "game" ... my god .. youre narc is just the gift that keeps giving isnt he !..Helldweller stay calm over this one but use the knowledge of what he is trying to do to raise youre game .Complete NC .. You do get to the point that what the narc feels nd thinks is no longer an issue for you but it takes a very long time .. you WILL get there . Dont let this freak of nature ,perverted retard push youre buttons tonight . xxx
Mar 18 - 3PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

helldweller

I'm very sorry. It's hard and hurtful when our children are involved. I know for me I have been conflicted on whether to invite his son for my son's birthday coming up next month only because my son keeps mentioning it. Unfortunately, I just don't think it is healthy for my son or myself in the end for my narc's son to be part of it. I've told him "no" and that he should invite his school friends for his birthday. If you can, I would make sure your kids stay far away from the narc's son. It's sad but I think it's necessary for everyone's well being. Happy