HELP one month no contact

Thank you Sparrow, Sadly, Im getting good at this Narc stuff. They are all the same and very predictable. Hunter

here that I think is notable and want to give my two cents on. "I don't see myself getting passed it til someone good and worthwhile that I actually like comes into my life which I haven't had luck in years!" I'd like to say that this won't happen UNTIL YOU LET GO OF THE DISORDERED ONE! I urge all men and women here to do that first. LET GO. STOP IT! I never, ever thought I'd meet anyone again, much less have anyone ever interested in me or want to get physical, etc. etc. and was not even remotely interested in meeting someone because I felt like such damaged goods from the disordered one. I was hanging onto what he did to me! Almost the moment I LET GO and decided to CREATE A NEW CHAOS-FREE, DISORDERED ONE FREE, NARC FREE LIFE that I met a super hot guy that I really like (and I'm 53!!!) and who likes me; that has another interest in another area of my life...Do you see what I'm saying? It is my firm belief (and personal experience) that YOU MUST STOP THE CHAOS OF THE DISORDERED RELATIONSHIP in order to open yourself up to GOODNESS AND LIGHT! That's when great things REALLY START TO HAPPEN! I hope those who are still having trouble letting go consider this...and also like girlsinger's chord cutting exercise...it's a must! Princeis, you have done great with your 30 days. Why not make the choice to continue that forward momentum. Hell with what he thinks or whether he's trying to contact you or not. IT MEANS NOTHING TO THE LIFE THAT AWAITS YOU!!! It is HIS LOSS, NOT YOURS!!! You have so much to gain! Hugs and love and light to you and good vibes for strength and peace of mind from (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO AND REJECT ALL CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. THE SICK MF'ER TRIED HARD BUT HE DIDN'T TAKE ME DOWN!!!

I don't know if I can help you, but I know where you're at. Or at least I've been there. Something in you needs to care so much about yourself that you're able to walk through the 'fire', that is whatever pain you have to go through to get youreself free of this guy. Sometimes you have to build up to that, and sometimes that means falling off the wagon (which I hope you won't do), and then getting back on it again. You're hooked like you're on drugs, and drugs keep us from feeling the pain that we can't bear to face. At some point, you've got to choose between more 'drugs' or addictive emotions (from your Narc) and unbearable pain. The pain of withdrawal is the most excruciating feeling I've ever experienced, but it burns you clean, in time. It doesn't last forever, and you get your life back. You can take the pain if you're ready to surrender to it for the sake of saving yourself. I cultivated other 'addictions' to help me through my shift. I just kept giving myself things that made me feel good that weren't going to destroy me (chocolate, lots of time watching movies, travel, swimming, sleep, etc.) It's going to hurt like hell if you decide to make 100% sure that he can't have contact with you. If he somehow reaches you in person or otherwise, you can still put up a NC emotional wall, and not respond. NC mainly means turning off your emotional responses to whatever he does or does not do. (I had to work in close quarters with mine for an entire year after I made NC my policy, and every day he did his best to make that hell for me. I had an audience of baffled co-workers watching it all in amazement from the sidelines - the only wall I could put up was emotional, but it was enough to get me through). So it can be done even when you have to be around the creep. If you stick to NC no matter what, you'll hurt like hell on the inside for a while, but you'll be escaping from hell in the process. I'm sorry, maybe this was just my experience, and yours may be different. It's my best guess for you, based on what you said. Whatever else, just remember its about saving yourself, no matter what. You deserve better than this. xo