Help Me Out Ladies-I AM PISSED!

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#1 Apr 12 - 10PM

Mell

Help Me Out Ladies-I AM PISSED!

I posted an ad on a site, asking if any women had been with my N husband. Well, well, well--within 35 minutes a woman contacted me and said she had been with him 3 times in DECEMBER--that was BEFORE we were separated!! Here I have been upset over the OW I caught him with a few weeks ago and yet, the fuckin' bastard was raking me over the coals in December--whining and complaining that I was not showing him enough love, enough attention, blah, blah, blah--shit, he was getting it from somewhere else anyway!!!

Sorry for ranting--I am just hurt and shocked and PISSED!!!

#2 Apr 13 - 6PM

dazed and seeki...

You have every right to be

You have every right to be pissed. And to think he made you feel guilty for not being enough! I went through this - and slowly found out about woman after woman - after I believed that of all things, he was NOT a liar nor a cheater. I thought he was abusive, controlling, manipulative, all other bad things, but never that. So when I found out, I was devastated. All of a sudden he was a ghost to me - I had no idea what was real or not, and my world was turned upside down. I was so pissed, I thought I was going to do crazy things. But sure enough, I went through the predicted range of emotions that my therapist explained and many books/articles spoke of re being cheated on and being cheated on by a N. He sounds gross (like mine), and I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Hugs. Hang in there, and stay strong. The road ahead will be tough, but you are strong and can get through this.

#3 Apr 13 - 8PM (Reply to #41)

Mell

Dazed and seeking

Same here--I was just hearing how he wanted me to be more loving and caring and to "work on our marriage." I had no clue the idiot was a huge liar and cheater too!! Oh yeah, he IS gross and like you, I want to do crazy things, but I won't (not ever going to give him that satisfaction). Thank you for your story--sounds very similar!

#4 Apr 13 - 1PM

Steph

i'm sorry, i know that

i'm sorry, i know that hurts:( but try and look at it as more proof and confirmation of what an absolute loser he is and that YOU were NEVER the problem. hang in there! xoxo

#5 Apr 13 - 2PM (Reply to #37)

Mell

staying strong78

Yes, it hurts like hell, BUT I have been sinking in my guilt for not doing this and not doing that and feeling horrible guilt for filing for divorce, so actually this is going to help ease my guilt because THIS woman was BEFORE he left, so all of his B.S. about "loving me to death" can no longer make me feel guilty! I am thankful for that because the guilt has been eating me up!!!

#6 Apr 13 - 2PM (Reply to #38)

Steph

oh that is awesome!!!! that

oh that is awesome!!!! that freaking guilt they leave us with is the nastiest, hey?? Now you get to put the blame right back where it has always belonged. HIM. Getting rid of that guilt....you must feel a tremendous amount of release now! You've just progressed forward in your recovery!! Celebratory hugs for you:) xoxo

#7 Apr 13 - 2PM (Reply to #39)

Mell

ABSOLUTELY!!! I won't say I'm

ABSOLUTELY!!! I won't say I'm not hurt, BUT I am MUCH MORE at peace with my guilt than I have been this whole time and that has been one major thing holding me back, so I have to look at this as a positive! They are masters at placing guilt (at least mine is) and now I have replaced most of the guilt with pure DISGUST! Thanks for your support and kind words!

#8 Apr 13 - 11AM

ABC0311

:(

Sucks. He's an ass.

#9 Apr 13 - 11AM

HopeAgain

The hardest part for me was

The hardest part for me was accepting the cheating and the lying. The red flags were there...the gut feeling was there..but I fought like hell to live in denial. He had women on the side through the whole 2 1/2 years we were supposedly a couple. I only know a little bit of information. I think if I knew it all, I would not have been able to recover to this point. There's still a loooong way to go.

#10 Apr 13 - 11AM (Reply to #34)

Mell

HopeAgain

Yes, this is THE hardest part--lying and cheating and yet, pretending to be so frickin' loving to me and the kids!! I'm sorry he did that to you! It is VERY HARD to accept that the entire time was a big, firckin' lie!!

#11 Apr 13 - 11AM

victimnomore

I Put

I put spyware on the family computer and sure enough whenever i left the house he ran straight to the computer so I was able to see every website that he went on. Just sick! He told me he would kill me if he heard that i had told anyone this about him. What is he so afraid of if it's not true? And I believe he would kill me if he heard that I told mutual friends or family. He is a "reformed criminal" NOT! He is a PSYCHO!

victimnomore

#12 Apr 13 - 11AM (Reply to #32)

Mell

victimnomore

That was very smart of you to put spyware on the computer!! Mine only did his trolling at work-on the Government computer! Exactly--what's the problem if it is not the truth-what's he worried about?? Such B.S. WOW-I can't believe he said he would kill you--what a TOTAL ass and yes, PSYCHO!!

#13 Apr 13 - 11AM

Deidre40

I think I'm going to be sick.

I think I'm going to be sick. :=( I'm so sorry. May I ask...how do you know for sure? I mean, did you name his name in the ad?

#14 Apr 13 - 11AM (Reply to #30)

Mell

Thanks

Yes, I am TRULY SICK this morning! Puking-the whole nine! Yes, I put his name in the ad and she described him perfectly.

#15 Apr 13 - 10AM

victimnomore

My STBXN/P

MY soon to be ex also trolled craigslist and I found out he was looking for all sorts of sex on craigslist. Including with men. Sick of it is correct. A lot of them swing both ways but you would never know it if you didn't investigate. They are freaks!

victimnomore

#16 Apr 13 - 11AM (Reply to #28)

Mell

Unbelievable!!! I am just

Unbelievable!!! I am just sick to my stomach and about to puke this morning--literally! I feel totally ILL!!! Thanks for the input--Man, they ARE freaks!!!

#17 Apr 12 - 11PM

gettinbetter

Ok I must know. What site did

Ok I must know. What site did you go to to? Little do these mofos know that the beloved internet a place where they hide and decive is ultimately gonna be the thing that brings these guys down. It so much easier these days to google their behavior patterns to determine what they are. I imagine in 15 years its gonna be real hard for these people to obtain any supply

#18 Apr 12 - 11PM (Reply to #19)

Mell

SOI

I'm not sure if I am allowed to name other sites on here, but if not, we can delete the post. I put an ad in the "women seeking men" section of Craigslist personnals. I had a clue that my N was into Craigslist, so I thought I would just take a shot in the dark. Little did I know that I would get such a quick response!

#19 Apr 12 - 11PM (Reply to #20)

gettinbetter

Did you use his name or a

Did you use his name or a picture or what? I don't want to scare you but I bet you would probably get a response under men seeking men too! These guys are known to swing both ways

#20 Apr 12 - 11PM (Reply to #21)

Mell

I just said, "Any ladies on

I just said, "Any ladies on here met a (insert name). If so, love to hear from ya. She actually just sent me another email, telling me how he approached her when she was at lunch with friends (and he was so charming and polite) AND MARRIED--oh yeah, forgot about that, didn't he??? I wish the boy would swing both ways--I would get THE BIGGEST, BUFFEST, "BUBBA" I could find to bend his ass over and make him take it like a man!!!

#21 Apr 13 - 12AM (Reply to #22)

gettinbetter

Don't be surprised if he

Don't be surprised if he does. It is quite common among narcs. Many a woman on here has shocked to find out after some digging

#22 Apr 13 - 1AM (Reply to #23)

Mell

WOW

That is craziness and yes, that would be a TOTAL shock!

#23 Apr 13 - 1AM (Reply to #24)

gettinbetter

Look back at posts from this

Look back at posts from this past summer. There was a whole lotta craigslist stuff coming up. It doesn't mean it was the case with yours but it is very common amongst narcs. Its not that they are gay its that they get bored and want to up the danger and excitement and they can do that without any intimacy involved. I can't tell you how many women on here have found out that their very hetrosexxual narcs have been having random sometimes unprotected sex with other guys off craigslist

#24 Apr 13 - 3AM (Reply to #25)

TLSM

SOI

Where would I search on craigslist for this-if I suspected something?

#25 Apr 13 - 5PM (Reply to #26)

gettinbetter

Men seeking men under the

Men seeking men under the personals. I think there were a couple of woment on here who also found out when the nhad used their computer and forgot to sign out of email and found emails that response to an ad on craigslist

#26 Apr 12 - 10PM

TLSM

Sorry mel!

That is horrible, but someday you will be happy you found out. It may be the one thing you need to let go and move away from this psycho animal. What site is this?????

#27 Apr 12 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

Mell

TLSM

That is exactly why I posted the ad--the more info I get, the more pissed I get and the more reasons to Keep Moving Forward-on MY Path and ther more confirmation that I did the right thing by filing for divorce!!! Not sure if I can name site names on here. Can I?

#28 Apr 13 - 3AM (Reply to #12)

TLSM

confused...

Thank you for sharing craigslist info! But I'm confused,..why would women be looking under an ad for "women seeking men?" and how did you know a woman would bite? If I wrote that ad, I'd assume only men would be reading my ad. What are the odds a woman would? Am I reading something wrong?

#29 Apr 13 - 9AM (Reply to #13)

Mell

Sorry for the confusion--I

Sorry for the confusion--I meant I put it under the Men's section, where women would be looking for men. I didn't know a woman would bite, which is why I'm pissed and hurt, although I am glad I posted it because it is making the picture clearer.

#30 Apr 13 - 10AM (Reply to #14)

TLSM

WOW

That is AMAZING a woman responded and new your ex N!!! What are the odds? Are you sure it's not a guy pretending to know him?

#31 Apr 13 - 2PM (Reply to #17)

Mell

Oh No, she DEFINITELY knew

Oh No, she DEFINITELY knew ALL about the bastard! Obviously he "frequents" CL, so the odds might not be as much as I thought--I'm sure there are more women, it's just a matter of time...

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