help he just texted me.

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#1 Jun 15 - 12PM
veedoll
veedoll's picture

help he just texted me.

I sent final email to narc yesterday and felt pretty good about what I said. he just texted me "this is not about you or another woman. It is about me and what I am feeling. I am so tired as of late. I am thinking I am depressed." Of course, I want to respond. I feel my heart strings being tugged on... help me stay NC... or if I dorespond what can I say. He has been giving me silent treatment since end of April. I had begged, pleaded, cried up until yesterday when I sent good-bye email.

Jun 15 - 3PM
dudette
dudette's picture

Veedol

Mine said exactly the very same thing as he was giving me the provebial silent treatment. He swore it was about his own doubts and insecurities He swore there wasn't another woman He was lying There was another woman (at least one, possibly two or more) If I had not had that final lunch with him ( I dumped him and he hoovered, suddenly talking about our future together) and confronted his bullshit I would not have found it out, not walked out on him and been back up girl for a long while whilst trying to figure out what his sudden issues with committment were.... He is lying. There is another woman. But don't find it the hard way. the hard cruel unemotional way sucks, believe me. Be NC and walk away now, with your head high Dx
Jun 15 - 2PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Veedoll

It appears you are new to Narcville so I'll cut you some slack! For a normal person the normal thing would be to have closure. With these creatures communicating with them ( any communication ) feeds the vampire! I know you meant well with your letter but the response was in my opinion selfish and hurtful to you as he intended! The rules here are NC! Of couse it's your life to do as you choose! Most of us have been in your shoes! If you want to heal, us old gals have the answers and can guide you! Ultimately you are driving the bus! My three words and your reaction to his text should be Delete,delete,delete! Hunter
Jun 15 - 1PM
BadaBing
BadaBing's picture

heart strings

what is tugging on your heart strings? the fact he responded or might be depressed? you have to turn your back on him you have to stack the NC Deck in your favor they can't stand to be ignored, so ignore him and move on with your life to someone who can give you what you want!
Jun 15 - 12PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

You know and see the game for

You know and see the game for what it is. You know he is back because he now sees you're ready to let go and he wants his supply. Bottom line is he will never make you happy. He's not the man you thought he was. He won't fulfill your needs of a man. You need to remain NC to move on. If you contact him then be very prepared for more pain to come. It's your choice now. Choose to go through the pain now or later.
Jun 15 - 12PM
spinning
spinning's picture

veedoll, braveheart,

please do not respond. Stay true to yourself. You sent a 'final' e-mail. Please make it be FINAL. Sweetheart, I do not mean to sound mean but what you thought was a 'final' e-mail to him was SUPPLY. Even negative supply is SUPPLY. You confirmed to him that you still think of him even though he's been silent since April. Braveheart, dear sweet girl, A PERSON WHO CARES ABOUT YOU DOES NOT LET TWO MONTHS GO BY WITHOUT CONTACTING YOU. A person who you DESERVE does not do that. A person who you DESERVE goes out of his way to contact you even if it's just a couple of times a week. He is trying to keep you on the hook. Why would you want to stay there? For what? To continue to pine away for someone who doesn't call or see you? To waste more time on a manipulator? That's what he is and I know you know that. So he's 'depressed' and 'tired.' What does he think you've been these past two months? Note how his message is ALL ABOUT HIM?? He told you it's all about him and what he is feeling. Believe him. Please. Spare yourself. Don't make the same mistake I did. I allowed the disordered one back in and wasted another year in hell only to be D & D'd in the most brutal way. After a six year relationship this disordered one vanished. Kinda like yours did, except you still know how to contact him. This one changed his phone number and left the area...oh, but he told me he loved me madly and we'd get together for dinner the night before. Please veedoll. Spare yourself and don't respond. This is so hard and hurtful but it will get so much better as you make the commitment to let go and go through the process. I am happier now at 7-plus months NC than I ever dreamed I could be. TRULY! I apologize for making this so long. I hope it helps a little and hope it doesn't sound too mean. Love and light and hugs to you from, (not) spinning. I REFUSE TO. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. THE SICK MF'ER TRIED HARD BUT HE COULDN'T TAKE ME DOWN!!

spinning

Jun 15 - 12PM
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Stay NC!

PLEASE! He's laying the sympathy card out to sucker you. Don't let it work. Because then he'll just discard you again. Stay strong! Take a deep breath. If it was in your best interest to respond, you wouldn't even question it. But now your gut is screaming two letters at you -- NC! NC NC NC NC!
Jun 15 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
veedoll
veedoll's picture

thanks

i counted to 100 three times and hoped i had responses to my post. i will not respond. you are right.. i do feel empathy.. i do still care. however, i am beginning to see a flicker of light and will not respond. weird though.. i never said anything to him in my rantings and ravings about him being with another woman.. is that projection??
Jun 15 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Veedoll, GOOD WORK!!

And here's my two cents about the 'it's not another woman' thing: In a disordered one's world black is white and white is black. It is about another woman. I would say he has new supply but is trying to secure you as backup. They're not as clever as they think. You'll discover this as you move on. I'm proud of you for not responding. Please take it one minute at a time and STAY NC!!! You'll soon feel how good it is to reclaim your power. Love and hugs to you from (not) spinning. I WON'T ALLOW IT ANY MORE!!!

spinning

Jun 15 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Spinning is right!

That dumbass just outed himself as having another woman. Love and hugs from me, too. This is hard -- but not impossible.
Jun 15 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

He's not dumb he knows

He's not dumb he knows exactly what he said! He is the Devil! Hunter
Jun 15 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
Lobo555
Lobo555's picture

Good point!

Ahhh, but I am still grasshopper -- still learning narc ways. :)
Jun 15 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Redhead1
Redhead1's picture

Sorry your hurting and all I

Sorry your hurting and all I can say is time and NC. IMO, when they drop the OW shit, it is to get you to fight for their love, beg and make them feel like the king of the world. I think they do it because they have screwed up(you may know about it and you may not). THey are feeling like such pieces of shit that they need the drama of being fought for. A way to make them feel worthy, cause lord knows the shit they do would make any human feel like trash deep down. But let them two women fight over him, he's thinking he is some kind of special. Narcs make me sick. It's all a game to them.
Jun 15 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Use it against him...

Because *I* have!!! When I met the ex-Psych prof's girlfriend, I had a nice little chat with her. I wasn't weepy, angry, or jealous. Besides, I LIKED her. The ex-P WANTED the drama of being fought over... and when he saw it wasn't happening... he went running down the stairs, and his poor girlfriend had to go scurrying down the stairs after him. "When two women fight over him, he's thinking he's special"-The ex-P had triangulated me with 2 other women before the girlfriend... and of course, the third time was the LUCKY one... in that unlike the previous two, it did NOT work. When I realized he was triangulating me against his girlfriend, I brought out the emotional AK-47s and used it... AGAINST him. I mocked him to his face, telling him how he would've been aroused by a wrestling match between his girlfriend&I at the upper dorms' mud pits... and how *I* was withholding that satisfaction from him. (Narcs aren't the only one who got off on withholding, because I was grinning as he looked deeply pained) I used his desire for triangulation as ammunition AGAINST him. He told me NOT to romanticize his relationship with his girlfriend... I DID anyhow. When I congratulated him on being engaged, wished him a happy life with her... he claimed personal violation/imposition... believe me, I DID it anyhow. I ENJOYED it.