Long story short, I broke NC (KILL ME KNOW).
After about a month since we broke up and bouts of NC lasting up to 2 weeks (I've could've gone much longer but I caved, relapsed... I'm not proud of myself) I answered my ex's phone call and we talked for over an hour.
Basically, he continued his pleas for non-hostility, wants to "have me in his life somehow" and how much he has been worrying about me - can't sleep at night/having bad dreams, how he needs to work on himself, how he needs to "marry one of the girls he is dating" eventually, and talked about his ex, his ex, and more about his ex.
I know I should have ignored his phone call but I am sort of glad I didn't. I gave it to him. I basically called him out on his manipulation, mirroring, being "high"/drunk and acting like a douchebag, never being there for me, never answering my phone calls, lying (which he denied) cheating (which he denied), texting/calling other girls (which he denied), his emotional immaturity, his history of idealizing, devaluing & discarding girls.
The funny thing is, he didn't deny most of his Narcissism tendencies and just said that those were things he needed to work on and that he is not perfect (he apologized but I know it's not sincere). SHOCKER! Then told me, HE NEEDS ME IN HIS LIFE TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. I said don't you think that request is SELFISH? So now I have to be his fucking therapist??!! I said, WHY DON'T YOU JUST FORGET ABOUT ME? What point of me NOT CONTACTING you don't you understand?!!!
It felt EMPOWERING TO EXPOSE HIM. Also, I realized this BOY has just way too much baggage. And I carried it for a long time. This conversation put me over the top, now I see him as a PATHETIC FAKE FRAUD PHONY who is weak. I finally believe I am stronger and better than him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His Ex issues are unbelievable. His ex contacts him all the time (even though he broke up with her over 5 years ago), even though she has a boyfriend, saying that she misses him, is waiting for him to get back together, and is unhappy with her life and wishes things were different. He never moved on since and has been completely emotionally unavailable. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THESE EX ISSUES?
I'm NOT going to be another "A" (his ex's last name). I feel like a trapped bird in a cage. I'm escaping and you, my N ex, are NEVER going to clip my wings. I'm GOING to move on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I have to start NC all over again. Sometimes you need the final straw....
I know I'm preaching to the choir - but please advise. I need some support!