He is starting to get to me :(

11 posts / 0 new

#1 May 16 - 9PM

nancyh

He is starting to get to me :(

I can feel myself weakening. The N has been "following" me on any social media site he can find me on. God, why doesn't he just leave me the hell alone? I am over 140 days NC and am doing pretty good. I don't think about him every waking moment or sit on the edge of my seat waiting for a text/email/call and thus far I have not responded to any of his attempts to contact me. I do not block him, I do not answer his texts/emails or call him back, I am absolutely silent and do nothing. But he feels the need to "watch" me via any social media medium (and I do not post anything about my feelings or about him).

I have not looked at any of his social media stuff that I could view without him knowing, such as his online photos, tweets, youtube videos (if I "saw" him - that would be the end of my NC - my heart swells when I see him, even if it is a photo), etc. However, this past Friday I inadvertantly (yes, it was absolutely by mistake) read a post of his and it was about me. He misses me. Fuck. And I start thinking it has been over 140 days and he is posting about me. Intellectually I know he is toxic, that his words are just that, words - with no meaning or truth or feeling behind them but my god damned "heart" or more accurately, my PTSD, or cognitive diss is making me want and miss "him" the lies, the mask.

I know my feelings are not real because he was just putting on a show for me and he is simply an actor . . . I am just going through a rough patch.

I love you gals/guys.

#2 May 17 - 9AM

Happy1

Block him on whatever it is

Block him on whatever it is you are seeing him on. It only hurts your recovery time. You're doing so great! His words are meaningless. It's a learned behavior on there part. They have no clue how to truly feel or treat another human. Remember this and keep moving forward! 8-)

#3 May 17 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

nancyh

Happy1

Thank you, thank you, thank you - your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. And you are right - his words are meaningless and his actions never, ever, ever matched them anyway. Nan

Nan

#4 May 17 - 7AM

NinjaGirl

Why not block him? That was

Why not block him? That was the first thing I did to my ex (after I recovered from shock) when I saw he had signed up for Facebook. I think social media hurts more than it helps when we're trying to recover from something painful. If you can, get away from all social media for a while and use your phone to get in touch with support, or meet with family and friends in person, or even just exchange emails.

#5 May 17 - 9AM (Reply to #8)

nancyh

NinjaGirl

There are two reasons I don't block him now or change my privacy settings once I realize he is "following" me. (1) During our final months on the roller coaster that was our relationship - we blocked and unblocked each other from FB and cell phones so many times that it became ridiculous - during one of the times we "got back together" I told him I was done playing games with the blocking & unblocking (and I never blocked him again). (2) I feel that blocking him now will give him supply and I would rather him believe that I am indifferent than do anything reactive/proactive. I agree with you that Social Media hurts more than it helps and on January 17th I stopped "N dipping" and have never looked for him on the internet or read anything he has posted. And I know that I am better off because of it.

Nan

#6 May 17 - 7AM

wacaet

delete, delete, delete you

delete, delete, delete you know what will happen if you let him back in the story is always the same you are doing so well, just keep going

#7 May 17 - 9AM (Reply to #6)

nancyh

Wacaet

Thank you for the support. I will not let him back in - but have recently been feeling "nostalgic". Thank you! Deleting, Deleting, Deleting, Nan

Nan

#8 May 17 - 6AM

Hunter

Just Remember he is crazy out

Just Remember he is crazy out to make you crazy. DELETE

#9 May 17 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

nancyh

Hunter

You of course are 100% right. He is trying to make me crazy and the reality is nothing an N does makes any "sense" because they are fucking disordered. BTW- I love, love, love your posts. Being Strong, Nan

Nan

#10 May 17 - 3AM

mynewlife2011

me too it's tough

I had to actually break N/c with my ExN husband because trying to negotiate a move away to my mothers with the kids. I work govt contracts, and with the slowing economy I cannot afford to live here anymore. It's a no win for me. Will have to give up my independence, take care of my aging mother (she is 81) and take care of kids. meanwhile he is running loose singing like a banshee with no responsibilities. It kills. He is so worried I will take him back for child support increase (his money matters way more than any human being) He has been hoovering, to "keep me on the hook" for days- telling me he loves me, wants our family to work etc. So I open that door a crack, and wham! he lies to me repeatedly and then blows me off for the night. Of course I cried, unlike him I am human. here it is 2am, and i cannot sleep. I dont want to spin my wheels going after revenge tactics on him. My time would be better served working on myself and locating new work. But, after being lied to again repeatedly on the phone tonight, I kinda am thinking...why should I allow him to have his freedom and his money?? Especially after I gave him 13 years of my young life, healthy kids and all I ever received was abuse and deceit and multiple affairs. What do you think??

#11 May 17 - 9AM (Reply to #2)

nancyh

mynewlife2011

I am so sorry that you were up at 2am. I can't imagine having the N as an xH for 13 years and with children - when I hear your situation it makes me feel selfish that I complain about my "little" N problems compared to what you are going through. They really do not change at all - I needed to hear about your opening the door a little and getting more of the same - thank you for sharing that. I felt myself romanticizing the N's behavior/mask and conveniently forgetting the shit I put up with. You have to do what is best for you and your situation and I am sure that you know what that answer is. Listen to your gut, it is rarely wrong. I am sure that you want what is best for you and your children and that should be what guides your decisions about child support and what his obligation is. Do not make the mistake and let revenge play a part in what his obligations are. If you actions are motivated by retaliation for the hell he put you through your decisions may be made out of passion, emotion and not logic and thought - which in this situation, they should be. Judges are more apt to be sympathetic to a parent who is requesting an increase in child support, visitation, etc when it is clear that the motivation is in the "best interest of the child" and not to "get back" at a spouse for infidelity, lies, etc. . . . I am thinking about you, mynewlife2011 and wish for you the best possible outcome in this ugly situation. Hugs, Nan

Nan

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews