He showed up at my house today
He showed up at my house today
What fuckery is this?
I was on my back deck with a friend having coffee this morning and he walked around the side of the house. I thought he was one of the landscapers and it wasn't until he walked up to the side that his face registered.
I was so caught off guard. Like, deer in the headlights. I did not expect him to drive the two hours here so I never had a contingency plan.
Ugh. There's more details but they really don't matter- I'm sure you can all fill in the blanks as you all know the story well. This is the first time he has hoovered me in person so I was all flustered and fucked. He actually started sobbing. It was different though, I was just cold, so disconnected. In so thankful I've worked as hard I have over the past 39 days, because I am much stronger.
However I am human and I did give him my number. Even though I could see on a detached level what was up, I have not healed enough to shake that CD, obviously. He has texted me since leaving and tried to face time me.
I reached out to my support network, (actually just one person, she's like Barbara Hershey to my Bette Midler)- and she helped reign me in and focus on regaining control.
I do not want to summarily block him again because I don't want him showing up here again, escalating the situation. I've asked him to give me 24 hours to process all he said and my plan is to at that point tell him I cannot do this, please consider this closure, and I would be blocking him. And would get a restraining order if necessary.
Smart? Who knows. Perfect plan? Don't know.
However I do know that I do not want to go back to that place with him. I truly do. I'm going to do whatever I need to do in order to move past this, doing the best I can with what I know.
It's seriously fucking with my head, obviously, I'm not impervious...but instead of that feeling of being possessed by a poltergeist, I feel annoyed by sad, pathetic ghosts.
I will still be the winner!
I just wanted to let all of my peeps know where I'm at and to clearly say that I am going to right this course.
xoxo
Yes, this experience with
Fuckery, I tell you!
At this point .. A spin will
I'm prepared.... I took my
yay!
Do it!
Hi Kitka
Dallas
laaaaaaaaydeeeeeeeeeeez she is back in the saddle
Trixy
Kitka you can do it!
I don't know much, but I
YES!
I would answer him with a
I agree!
I agree!
Kitka