You can really feel the pain in the author's words. It's so true, we go along with the fantasy and ignore our instincts.
I thought I found Mr. Right too, and he was everything I always wanted in a man. In saying that, there were little things, even in the first few months, that I kicked under the carpet. As time went on, things just got too big - too big to fit under the carpet! So, you try to address them with your N, but you know how that goes. Then you learn that confrontation is baaaad, so you learn to behave to your N's liking. How sad.
I think it's interesting in the article how he sort of emulated her in a way by fixing the house up to her liking AFTER they broke up. But I guess it's all part of copying & mimicing us to appear to actually have normal ideas to the outside world.
I guess it's all part of copying & mimicing us to appear to actually have normal ideas to the outside world.
No guess - that's exactly right. The "mask of sanity."
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"Some women can fake an orgasm. But some men can fake an entire relationship!" - Sharon Stone
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"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
This morning the kids told me that their dad said to them last night at dinner, "I'm sorry that I have ruined your lives, but I love you." Sadly, they all came home very giddy and happy because he finally apologized. I know that he was away on a business trip over the long weekend and I'm fairly certain that the babysitter didn't go with him because he was very anxious last week about seeing the kids before he went out of town. This was a sign to me that he knew he would be without supply over the weekend. He was only two states away, but it was this huge dramatic crisis--I'm going to be out of town, so I need to see the kids..... I just ignored him. It wasn't his weekend anyway and neither is this one.
What I'm wondering is how long he will be able to keep up this I'm a caring dad act. Probably until the next time he has them over the weekend in a couple of weeks. As soon as he is with them more than a few hours the mask comes off and he can't help but start screaming at them.
He also tells my friends and the kids that he still loves me, that he misses me, blah blah. I have said to the kids, AND my friends, Does he act like he loves me? Let's see, abandoning me during cancer treatment, screwing the 23-year-old babysitter, stealing my car, leaving us in a house without heat or a refrigerator when he moved out, the list goes on and on. Is that love? If it is, I don't want it!
I have to have surgery next Friday to remove an ovarian cyst, (and my left ovary along with it) and I'm not sure how to handle the situation with the kids because I don't want the N to know. I don't want him within 50 feet of my house. Not that I could expect him to care or be compassionate at all, but I still don't want him to know. I have a very honest relationship with my kids, and I have to go in very early that morning to the hospital, so someone else (not him) will have to take them to school. They will also come back home after school, and then he will pick them up at 5:00 p.m. like normal. Advice?
but he said...
loved me?
he said he loved me
He Loves Us