Is he a narcissist??
Is he a narcissist??
First want to say I WILL APPRECIATE ALL OPINIONS.. I'm missing something he're.. what am I not seeing.. I have so many questions so many thoughts. This is my story I'm married to a workaholic so yes I'm pretty lonely have been for the last 10 yrs.
This has been going on for 2 yrs
reconnected with one of my best friends from high school on yes Fb .. We Did have great chemistry and a physical relationship 23 yrs ago in hs
He was a star athlete most popular biggest player in school
We caught up with each other he said just I'm a divorced single dad looking for love again ..(that's it) 1st red flag
I haven't talked to him in 23 yrs that's all you say..
got a little more out where he lived and why he moved to where he lives now. 1st lie of many to come.
I explained my situation said rough marriage at times but I asked him to change & he did.been married 15 yrs have 2 kids all the fill ins.
He basically asked me a lot about me more concerned with my marriage
He was one of my best friends in hs didn't see any harm in talking like this..
It was the same feeling I had 23 yrs ago with him
so the chase began said he didn't have a phone was going to get his cell phone turned on so we can talk. That's where it began.
he said he moved from across state to be closer to his kids.
He moved in with a 25 yr old from work he is 42
every morning I got a text that said "good morning beautiful"
my husband never said those words to me ever!
He sucked me in not only because it was a familiar feeling I knew him! He was the best charmer in the world very charismatic
He never said much until I was in love with him.. then came the "I'm broke I'm a weak man I'm a broken man I've lived a very tough life..
did this man know how sensitive I was? did he know I'm that type of loving giving person where your problem is my problem?? he must, see I revealed to much to soon. BUT what was the harm I grew up with him.. only 20+ years came between us before .Can someone change that much? Can they acquire a mental illness?
we fell fast for each other he talked marriage and love He called me every night at 9 planned on coming to visit me he lives 500miles away ..Said he wanted to move here to be with me.. I said what about your kids he said I need love I can still visit them 1 a month it will be good for me..
we talked on cell phone until about 3 mo then he sent fb mssg said he threw his phone at ex wife she said one of the kids was not his. (really the kids are 6 & 7 now she is going to say that)2nd very big lie .
He was supposed to visit in July but couldn't now because he had to take a DNA test ..
Back and forth we talked for4 more months on fb he got one more phone we started to text everyday..
The 1st time I questioned him he flipped out and gave me the silent treatment for 7 days..he said he was so upset had to spend 3 days in his room
this was a common thing with him.. He said everyone in his life always pushed him away nobody wanted him.
I begged him to talk to me.. Said I was coming there if he didn't answer me
well he answered me..
I tried my hardest to show him love . I said things to him I have NEVER said to another man before!
I gave him my heart and soul!
This type of treatment went on for awhile.. I was on my best behavior tried so hard not to ever question him. He decided to come home to visit.. I COULDN'T WAIT! it had been 23 years.. he took a bus 6 1/2 hours to see me. at this point we had already told each other we loved one another he was going to try to get a job here to live with me..
I'm still married I felt he was rushing but I loved this feeling.
I was going to leave my husband for him ..he knew we had talked about separating before
The weekend he came home was amazing we were so comfortable with each other like there wasn't 20 yrs since we had seen each other.I picked him up we got in the car hugged he looked at me & said I have something to tell you to see if we can still move on together.. I was raped by my uncle for years..
Wait what!! I haven't seen you in 23 years you hug me then tell me this.. red flag # I lost track at this point-!
I got a hotel for US for 3 days..
He was very nervous around me.. Mr player from hs was NERVOUS this was so sweet..
we had sex I did the seducing.. we had great sex the first time he came home after that he said sex isn't important to me I miss the passion and care from a woman..
now I believed him because just in hs he got more action then any other teenager in that school so I figured through the years he got burnt oit.
when we went home after the 3days we got even closer..
he had 2 days to spend with his kids but he always thought about me he said he loved me so much couldn't wait until I was his wife.
Many lies to come from I'm taking the kids to Florida MY EX WIFE keeps hitting in me she is a beautiful woman
the customers at work give me their numbers all the time but I throw them away because I'm in love with you.
always tried to make me jealous..
He came home 3 more times.. at this point I paid for the hotel every time.. he paid for the meals and every thing else.
in between these months 2 Times he asked to borrow money once because he was broke needed to pay for car ins. but car was never his it was his roommates. the 2nd time I got a text at 1:30 am very long text saying he is eating Ramon noodles he is so broke can't see his kids needs love from them..
he is a loser i deserve so much better then him...
I sent him money both times the 2nd time he was supposed to take off of work to see his kids
that was the next Very big lie..
now the vicious cycle of the silent treatment blamming me for EVERYTHING and me always trying to fix things
The silent treatment went on for days up to 2 mo
He had me so upset at times that I finally felt depression for the 1st time..
I couldn't get out of bed my body ached all over.. I wanted to kill my self.. that bothered me the most.
I have to kids who I loved very much! I could never think like that but for a min.I thought about it
I prayed so hard I kept trying to think about how bad he was and I talked to my friends. without them I wouldn't of gotten thru this.
now for the truths
I found out through lots of investigating the EX was not living in the same sTate as him she was remarried and living 1000 miles away with the kids!!!!
he paid child support but had no contact with the kids
so no ex was hitting on him and he was not spending his 2 days off with his kids like he said..
he would always say whenever I questioned him I'm either with my kids or home
this is the part I don't understand he created this Fantasy world now that I know there were no kids he would say he was taking them to the movies,rollerskating, camping outside at the EX' s house
Florida, water parks.. playing outside with the neighorhood kids.. it was all made up! that's a little scary to me
he played so many mind games with me I thought I was going crazy..
pretended he got in a serious accident went to hospital called one of my friends to tell her that.. did things like that all the time so word would get back to me
One day His roomate and I messaged each other come to find out he has been lying to him too couldn't pay rent to him blamed his ex wife was just trying to see the kids
he was kicking him out.I felt disgusted and very angry
so I stopped talking to him for 2 mo. after my anger went away I realized it doesn't matter I still love him..
I contacted him on Halloween..told him I loved him
he responded very cordial like..
a week later after fb stalking I realized in that 2 mo he knew his roommate and I talked but he started dating another woman.. on fb she broke up with him
We started talked a little bit he brought up old things between us I still continued to tell him I loved him.. he never told me he loved me again in a long time..
he started texting me every night but just a couple times..
on his days off I don't hear from him.. hot & cold
Is he scared to let me in again? what is wrong with me how do I love man who has nothing? who has lied to me about so much?
I sent him a message yesterday blocked everything..
told him he has hurt me to much the last 2 yeArs we can no longer have contact..
I'm devastated did I do the right thing? why didn't he fight for me? is he a narcissist or just a broken hearted