He is leaving his wife

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Feb 6 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
spinning
spinning's picture

Maggs, you're having CD because

you read the e-mail. You know the answer to your last question. He is saying it because it serves him to say it right now. It is meant to do exactly what it is doing. The stronger you get, the more set your boundaries, the deeper he's going to dig to keep you in the supply loop. You know that he LIES all the time. He lied repeatedly to you about OW. Why would he magically be telling the truth right now? Because he's using every manipulation in his book-including the one he knows you want to believe the most—to secure you as supply. Stay silent. Stay NC. Don't read any more e-mails and the truth will reveal itself through his ACTIONS. Be patient. You've gone through this manipulative crap with this guy for 15 years, please trust that it is not going to change now. The only change is happening in YOU and he knows it. He's pulling out the stops because you're pulling away. WAIT AND SEE. REMEMBER ACTIONS, NOT WORDS. You don't have to do a damn thing except shift the focus and here's a reality slap that may help: He's on vacation with his wife...yes, on VACATION with his WIFE while you're twisting yourself up and spinning over his MANIPULATIVE WORDS. His ACTIONS are that he's having a vacation with his wife... Hugs and hang in there. I truly want you to free yourself and believe that a wonderful life awaits when you do, Maggs. I'm telling you the TRUTH! Sincerely, (not) spinning. BUT WISHING YOUR LIFELONG PHILANDERING FREAK WOULD SPIN RIGHT OUT OF THE UNIVERSE

spinning

Feb 6 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
narcfreeinms
narcfreeinms's picture

BRAVO!

GREAT ANSWER AND GREAT ADVICE. BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM, BLOCK HIM. IGNORE HIM, IGNORE HIM, IGNORE HIM!!!! YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT HIM. HE'S NOT CAPABLE OF LOVING YOU, HIS WIFE, OR OW. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR SELF-WORTH AND BLOCK HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. He's WITH his wife. And he doesn't want you to think you can live without him, nor does he want you to be able to be happy without him. You've been doing that for 15 years. He's been ENJOYING your pain and suffering AND FEEDING on it for 15 YEARS. Give yourself a chance, maggs. How can you NOT feel miserably ALONE being in a poisonous relationship WITH this man. If you're going to be alone, do it by choice. Do it for yourself. Realize that you're not alone. THAT YOU'RE A WHOLE PERSON WITHOUT HIM. That healing will take time, and it will come if you give yourself the chance to heal. You can't heal with him or any other narc in your life. It's good to cry and let it out at times. But do yourself a favor and do something enjoyable TODAY - however small or big that joy is. Do something fun that you used to do BEFORE you met that evil beast with no soul. Dig down deep and remember who you were before you met the asshole. You somehow managed to survive BEFORE you met him. Dig deep and remember what made you laugh during the pre-narc days. It takes one small step at a time. Get rid of pictures. Get rid of letters, emails, and anything else that keeps you longing for something you'll never have with him. First step - block his emails. Let them bounce back to him. BLock him on your cell phone and anything else. You can do this. We're here. We've been in similar situations. You know you're not alone. PLEASE do something enjoyable WITHOUT HIM. You'll be amazed at how you feel knowing you can be happy and survive without him. PLEASE. Do one kind thing for yourself now. You deserve it and need it. And if you feel you can't do something kind or fun for yourself at this time, then do some sort of small random act of kindness for someone else. Is there someone in your life that could use a smile or a kind gesture. If so, reach out to them. Even if you don't think you can do any of the above to get your mind and heart rebooted toward something else, make yourself. You'll be surprised how one smile or laugh on your face or someone else's can make a difference. He's not worth your pain and suffering. Take the first step and BLOCK HIM. We're here for you. You're in our prayers.
Feb 6 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
Maggster
Maggster's picture

Will this ever end? I'm so

Will this ever end? I'm so worn down. I have nothing left in me. I just can't take anymore.
Feb 6 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
spinning
spinning's picture

Maggs, the answer is

it will end when you decide. I have an idea for you just for today. Or just for the next hour. LET IT GO. He's off on vacation with his wife. You read the BS email. There's nothing new to any of it. It is wearing you down because that is where you are choosing to focus your thoughts and energy. Where you focus your thoughts becomes your reality. Just for today tell yourself you will let it go. Stop thinking about it. There is no rule or law that says you must think about this right now. So just stop. When the thoughts come in, shift the focus onto the task in front of you, whether it be sweeping the floor or reading of eating a sandwich or looking out the window at all the beautiful MIRACLES that are life! The mere fact that you are walking this planet, breathing without even thinking about it is a pretty amazing gift! Focus on that one minute at a time. You don't have to do ANYTHING about the situation with the manipulator right now. So don't. Just let it go. The agony ends when you end it, one minute at a time. Sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND CONFUSION. LIFE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE SO DRAMATIC...IT IS SUPPOSE TO BE A CELEBRATION!

spinning

Feb 6 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Maggster
Maggster's picture

I'm so fucking confused-

I'm so fucking confused- sorry for offensive language. This is never going to end-I don't want him to leave his wife. I somehow feel responsible, guilty and somehow like I owe him something…
Feb 6 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Used
Used's picture

Maggster

You have no reason to feel FUCKING CONFUSED...or guilty.... HE AINT GONNA LEAVE HER....NOT FOR YOU OR ANYONE ELSE... THE SAME AS MYEXNH WOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT ME FOR ANYONE ELSE.... NOT IN A MILLION YEARS....
Feb 6 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
13Moons13
13Moons13's picture

Dearest Mags, I don't post

Dearest Mags, I don't post often, although sometimes I read most of the day...just to survive the day. I so understand your excruiating pain and confusion. Miy exN tried to destroy me as soon as I decided to make him my life...yours is doing the same. We can and will get through this..but please don't let him suck you in like mine did to me...for weeks...find someway to love yourself more...or someone to love more (mine was my son) ...just get though one more minute, one more day, one more week without him. We can and will get there, but it's a long and painful journey...the alternative..well I can't even think about that anymore.
Feb 6 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
StarLight (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I believe that's how we

I believe that's how we attract this type of person. We are always feeling 'responsible'--'guilty'----and 'owing'. They love that ! They, of course, never feel responsible, guilty and/or owing to anyone. We take all of that on ourselves. We literally absorb those feelings and, in the process, become entirely drained of energy. Which, in turn, makes us feel more confused than ever. The equation is SO uneven and completely unrealistic. You do NOT owe him a thing. You owe YOURSELF. You are NOT responsible for his actions. HE is. You are guilty of NOTHING---except loving a completely disordered personality. Blessings StarLight
Feb 6 - 8AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Yeah, right, believe it when

Yeah, right, believe it when you see it.. Hunter
Feb 6 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Maggs, stop "spinning" because

HUNTER IS RIGHT. Don't spin over something you don't know to be true. This is a classic HOOVER overdrive. The more you set boundaries, the stronger the hoover to keep you in the supply loop. I'd bet money that something will come up that will keep them from really separating... Let it go. It's BS. As the Mighty Huntress says, believe it when you see it. He tells you this so you'll spin. Don't do it for nothing. It's a waste of energy. Remember ACTIONS NOT WORDS. This cheater is a master at tossing out pretty words. WAIT FOR THE ACTIONS TO BACK THEM UP AND THEN DECIDE. Hugs to you. Stay NC, and NC means no reading e-mails, etiher. Sincerely, (not) spinning. BECAUSE I REFUSE TO SPIN OVER BULLSHIT

spinning

Feb 6 - 8AM
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Sounds V dodgy

Are you sure he isnt just testing the water? As for OW, where does she fit in? Not much love there in that message is there x