Is he? Isn't he? Does it really matter???

So i have been in the game for well over a month...N/C, unless absolutely necessary (meaning exchanging spreadsheets regarding bills) for well over 2 months.....True I find comfort in believing he is a total N but I will never really know!!!
When i met him over 7 years ago i owned my own home, had no debt, a great retirement package and a healthy stock portfolio and made 60,000 a year.
now....retirement gone, stocks gone and I took PT work to accommodate his travel schedule and the promise of children.
I have read all the books, all the blogs and while it does help in making me feel victimized...at the end of the day....I am alone!!
I am finding that the more I read he is totally NPD but it doesn't make what I have to go thru and deal with any easier!!
Maybe i am just venting....but at the end of the day..he moves on and I need to move on too!
I guess I am just looking for some support??? Figuring him out was helpful but it ultimately doesn't take away the inevitable pain