He is haunting my thoughts today...

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#1 Mar 20 - 5PM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

He is haunting my thoughts today...

WHY??? Why the hell is this freak in my mind constantly?
I took him back after the 2nd D&D.
He was hoovering, big time. I was prepared to ignore him, even after sending me 6 dozen roses (yeah, he's smooth), deposited a ton of money in my bank account (very weird)but then he emailed me...
Why are they always one step ahead of us with their words?
Cause they are EVIL!!!
Said he was ready for marriage now (something I have been wanting to hear for 4 years from him!). He said everything in the past months were his fault and took full responsiblity. - one of the doozies was hooking up with someone 20 years his junior (15 yrs younger than me). He's 48. She is 28. Gross.
He was STILL seeing her when he sent me that email! But said he'd end it and that he could never be serious with her, etc...
I said "Fine, call her now, put her on speaker phone and I want to HEAR you ending it!"
He did. Told her he could never be serious with her and reminded her that he encouraged her to date other guys. He told her he was still in love with me and wanted to marry me and that he could never see her again".
I felt icky doing that...Not proud of that.
Anyway, he told me we would buy a ring cause he wanted to prove to me how commited he was. He made an appt with jeweler. Jeweler called me and asked what kind of ring I liked...I was opening my heart to him at this point. I was getting excited.
OK...Then he flew me down to see him (long distance relationship). When I was down there, at dinner, he told me we could look at rings, but HE CHANGED HIS MIND AND DIDN'T WANT TO BUY IT NOW.
REALLY???? WTF????
I understandably went ballistic and nipped it in the bud right there and ended it.
But next day I panicked. I called him and he told me "Its over and I want to "TRY" and move forward with this 28 year old"
I felt like I was gutted right then and there.
He told me he burned all my pictures cause he wanted to remove the stamp hold I had on him. LIAR.
I BEGGED and PLEADED and tried every trick in the book.
Nope. He wasn't budging. He was probably getting off on hearing me belittling myself.
So I sit there. In shock.
What just happened to me??????
He's done this so many times to me, but in different ways.
It gets WORSE with every reunion/discard.
Obviously this young girl is perfect for him cause she took him back after what he told her!!!...PERFECT source at his time of need!!!
This happened almost 3 weeks ago. I am still in shock and I just need support right now. I can't help bit picturing them together in my mind. I am SO ENVIOUS of her because he is wining and dining and wooing her and loving her right now. She has a younger bod and younger skin and yes it's not helping my self-esteem.
I know what will happen in a month or two...He will burn her...But what if he doesn't? I KNOW I have told others here that they'll treat others the same way...But it scares ME today!!!
And it still hurts. :( And I am scared to death of him contacting me again. And I am scared to death of him NOT contacting me!
He is obviously derranged. And I feel like I am right now!!!
I blocked him from every phone and email sent to spam (of course I check my spam...UGH!!! >:-(
Please give me some words of encouragement.
HELP... :( Thanks for listening.

Mar 22 - 5AM
jen79
jen79's picture

good Lord

I know you probrably cant see the wood before the trees now, but its so obviously what idiot he is, from outside. Never let this bastard come back to you. And the poor girl, she must have been traumatized just as you, no other explanation here, for her taking him back. Gosh, I hate these idiots, there are all the same. He will do the same to her. Dont worry. Go NC, and stay and never let this bastard get one foot in your life again, ever.
Mar 22 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Thank you Jen79

I am having a rough morning. I was feeling strong and angry, now I am sad again. :( As far as the other girl, I feel NO sympathy for her. She was after him when we were together. He had a huge business party and she was there and so was I, as he was parading me around on his arm. She knew we were together and told him I was rude to her when I met her. I NEVER met her! Sneaky little skank. They are BOTH skanks. I believe they had a thing while we were together. So screw her! I know what she looks like now and she looks like she is 15. What a sicko he is. I really HOPE he D&D's her. I am sick he replaced me with someone so young. I'll never take him back , but it hurts in so many different ways for so many reasons.
Mar 22 - 9AM (Reply to #15)
spinning
spinning's picture

TLSM, Hang in there hon...

...You're in the very early stages of NC and it's really tough. You have a lot of swirling thoughts to deal with and I know they're unwelcome thoughts... Read Lisa's blogs, there's one in particular about obsessive thoughts, and another about retraining your brain that I found most helpful... ...Also, I read some of your earlier posts and deep down inside you know this guy was bad for you. I knew the same thing about mine and I wasted six years nonetheless... You're allowed to feel hurt. You were mistreated by a psychopath and it hurts like hell because you'd never dream of doing that to anyone else. Feel the hurt and try your best to let it go... I'm here to tell you IT DOES GET MUCH BETTER! HONESTLY. You just have to be willing and determined to do the work to get there. Shift the focus from him and her to YOU. Don't let him steal any more of your time. BTW, I am 53 years old, and the severely disordered one I was involved with was younger. I know where you're coming from but I am also here to tell you that ALL IS NOT LOST, in fact MUCH IS GAINED. I am gaining much of myself back every single day and it feels DAMN GOOD! Hang in there, TLSM, you're doing great and you will get through it. I'm glad you're here for the help and support. This site literally saved me and gave me the tools I needed to move ahead... sending you the good vibes and a big hug. sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning... ...and feeling pretty damn good about it! :}

spinning

Mar 22 - 12PM (Reply to #16)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

spinning- I feel like I am spinning too...

Thank you so much for your sweet and supportive words. It helps me so much. I was weak today and peeked at his FB business page. What a mistake. Saw the little girl on there posting "likes", etc..And a an ex gf to boot. Yeah, i can tell he genuinely wanted to marry me. I swear. His face belongs on a box of Summer's Eve... I HATE FACEBOOK!!! Thank you for your encouraging words and support!!! xoxo
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #19)
Veronrose
Veronrose's picture

TLSM

"I swear. His face belongs on a box of Summer's Eve..." OMG!!!!...now THAT'S funny!!!!!!
Mar 22 - 12PM (Reply to #17)
spinning
spinning's picture

TL, teehee!!! :}

Love the 'his face belongs on a Summer's Eve box...!!!' I say lets get all the ladies (and gents) here to start our own special 'Celebrity Line' of Summer's Eve packaging. See, the sucka gets to miss out on your awesome sense of humor!!!! Hang in there, TLSM. You live and learn. I had to learn the hard way about what would set me back, too... Thanks for the chuckle. I needed it! :} sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning!!!

spinning

Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #18)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Spinning

Thanks! He did love my sense of humor. But who cares. He doesn't count anymore. Wanker!
Mar 21 - 1PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

My goodness this is clasic

My goodness this is clasic narc , that push pull thing makes youre head spin right the way round . I cant imagin how you felt with him saying you are not getting a ring after he said go look for one ... sweetie my heart gose out to you . What a complete wanker , every so oftern i want to go and punch certain peoples narc .. Happys narc i would gladly hurt and this guy is on my list now .. pure evil ! The mantra is "they will never change , they can not change " so that means that what ever he did to you he will do with the OW and it has nothing to do with what kind of skin she has ...he would do the same with a super modle because it dosnt have much to do with looks or even the ow , his problem is part of who he is ,, he can not be close to anyone on any meaningful leavel and the minute he has to start being accounterble for his actions the D&D will happen , that is the one certain thing with the narc . You will feel floored by this for a while as its a biggie , you have totaly done the right thing in blocking his sorry arse , like mine youres is a hoverer , cut him off at the sorce now .. keep strong ..God this story makes me mad and sad . xx
Mar 21 - 8PM (Reply to #12)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Scoop! :)

I LOVE THAT YOU CALLED HIM A WANKER! That is my new favorite word!!! LOL!!!! Thank you for the "They will never change...And whatever he did to you, he will do with the OW and it has nothing to do with what kind of skin she has" I HOPE YOUR RIGHT!!! :'-( I really hope he backs the hell off. If he does come back, especially after this stunt he pulled, I will honestly be afraid of him. That would show me he is capable of doing something crazy and scary...
Mar 21 - 11AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

TLSM

I'm sorry you have gone through such an ordeal...and I'm sorry to have to welcome you to this club...but you are in great company...this board has done so much to help me heal. The reality...you're in for a ride. I'm operating on fumes, I am sorry I am not breaking everything down, when I come back on tonight I will go though the letter in better detail. The one thing I did want to say - you've heard he's disordered, go NC all of that...but if can offer a suggestion. If you find yourself getting weak...remember what he did to your daughter. The narc blew my son off...that was one of many unforgiveable crimes...but as mom's nobody messes with the kids...that is subject to death... I'll catch up with you later...I just finished writing about how recently I learned that "anger" is okay...feel it...feel all of it...it's what's gonna get you through I know it sounds crazy...but it's part of the process...don't suppress a darn thing. You just walked out of the equivalent of a war... Hugs.
Mar 21 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

michele115

UGH! He blew your son off too? Thank you for understanding...NO ONE messes with our children!!! I am sorry you dealt with that too. Bastards. I LOVE what you wrote..."You just walked out of the equivalent of a war..." NO SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRILLIANT!!! Thank you so much for your support...xoxo
Mar 20 - 10PM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

This is the residual I was talking about

they always leave us obsessing over them, even when you are NC my dear you will live and breathe him for awhile, its one of the many things a pathological leave us with, its a huge mind F and mine did a real number of me. It does get better but it takes awhile. maybe its because their behavior is so strange that it haunts us I dont know the reason why long after they are gone they are still with us. They leave us many little things when they leave or we leave, but I would rather be NC and obsess than be in contact with him and obsess, silence stops further damage they do to us and God knows we have enough damage to heal from without creating more
Mar 21 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

neverlookback

You are so right. NC is the key. I was peeking at his business FB page and saw "her" liking the posts. Made me sick and I started obsessing more. It's been a week since I've looked and boy does that make a difference. When I start wondering "what's going on today" at his facebook business page, I remind myself it will only kill me and WHO CARES! He is NO longer a part of my life. What he does is none of my business. And what a relief that is! Thanks, neverlookback!
Mar 22 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

stay off FB

UGH, dont go there its like saying, gee I am not hurting enough i want some more pain from this man, I want to further see the fake he is and how he is masking for others so he can psychologically and physically rape them as he did me, so lets go on FB and see all the little victims he has lined up. NO NO NO, unhealthy choice. I have to remind myself everyday to make HEALTHY choices and even when it pertains to what I THINK in my mind. Our focus is to distance ourselves from them not torture ourselves further by seeing what the parasite is doing. NO PEEKING not just even one little tiny itsy bitsy peek. who cares? Dont kid yourself of course we care because we loved them deeply only to find out it was nothing but a LIE we as healthy humans just cant turn that off like a switch we have to process it - you will find you loved the illusion deeply and never the man, that is a hard fact to come to terms with. You still carry that fantasy with you even way into NC, your mind will make you think you had love with this person when you were the only person that was doing the loving. It makes a big difference like you said, why hurt yourself you dont deserve that. Pray for that woman who is soooo enthralled with him, may God help her. x-0
Mar 21 - 9AM (Reply to #6)
spinning
spinning's picture

Great work, TLSM,

I am proud of you for making that huge realization. It's hard work but it's worth it. I'm here to tell you you will obsess less and less as time goes on. I'm 4.5 months NC and it's been amazing recently how liberated I finally feel. The only glitch I still have now and then is ANGER. I've worked hard on detaching and letting go and it is working. Big hugs to you TLSM for making it this far and big encouragement for more steps toward health, happiness and healing. Sincerely (finally slowing way down from) spinning

spinning

Mar 21 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
TLSM
TLSM's picture

Spinning

Thank you! And thank you for the HUGS!!! Right back attcha! It's great to hear insight of someone who is farther along than myself. Gives me hope. I am realizing how much of a monster he is. I am very confident I will never go back. But I can't be naive and not forget how cunning they are. Always stay one step ahead. Spinning, anger is WAY BETTER than be sad and depressed!!! I have been that way for past months and now I am getting angry. What a bunch of Pieces of S*it's we all had to deal with. What comforts me is knowing that all these men who have screwed us...These men will grow old, be miserable and BE ALL ALONE stewing in their waste!!! And they'll think, "POOR ME! What have I done to deserve being alone like this?" DUH. They will never get it! HA on them! Karma is a Biotch.
Mar 20 - 8PM
TLSM
TLSM's picture

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you SO MUCH from the bottom of my heart!!! It feels good to have support. And I LOVE HOW PISSED YOU TWO ARE AT HIM!!! This board has been a SAVIOR! It's impossible now for me to even consider it. Don't worry. It's too late. This last stunt he pulled screwed him forever. I have a 7 year old girl who ADORED him. When he came back sniffing around this last time, he spoke with her. She said "I don't want you guys to get back together. You made my mom cry alot!: :( Isn't that horrible? Then he told her "Grown ups do stupid things. I am sorry sweetheart. I will never hurt your mom again. I want us to be a family"...She finally opened her heart AGAIN. The day I broke up with him, my daughter emailed him the sweetest letter. Guess what he did???? TOTALLY blew her off. Ignored her. That right there convinces me that I am capable of murder. My friends and family hate his guts. HATE HIM. And here I thought he was the love of my life! EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! BASTARD!!!!!!!! Thank you SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!! FEELING BETTER!!!
Mar 20 - 5PM
Steph
Steph's picture

wow

What a loser! He is sadistic. Enjoys messing with your head, having 2 women fall to their knees for him. Sick. sick. sick. I am so sorry that happened to you. He will screw her around too. He already has, i mean imagine how she felt when he called her and said he wanted you....same way you feel now. He will not follow through with her. Trust me. I know when you have feelings involved, it's hard to see things clear. But as an outsider, reading that.....it is SO obvious what's gonna happen. He'll "change his mind" again and likely back at your doorstep. Never open your door or heart for him again. He is so f'd up I could puke for you. Hang in there and stay strong. xoxo
Mar 20 - 5PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

TLSM

YUCK! How is that, Is is one big Yuck! Let him have the 28 year old. He is playing head fuck with you. Good God! Asshole. The only way to get passed this is to stay away. You poor thing. NC NC NC,Delete,Delete,Delete How can you not think of him.?Look what he has done. Read,Read, & Read. Let the time pass, NC is all you can do. I promise you will get better but you cant continue to go back for more abuse. This is your live your happiness, he is not making you happy. Idealk GRRRRRRRR!