He has it .. he doesn't have it .. he has it .. argh!

I keep struggling with myself. I'll read something about NPD and say 'Aha! Yes, that's him!' I'll read something else and say 'No .. he never did that ..' I'll read a third thing and I'm a-ha-ing all over again.

It's very rude of him to not fit neatly in a box for me.

Here's a story, though - we had a crazy landlord when we first got together. (Came into the house while we weren't there, made all sorts of illegal demands, etc). We broke the lease after a year and moved on.

About 3 years later, a friend sent me an obituary, asking "Isn't this your old landlord?"

She had been the victim of a hit and run accident. The driver fled the scene, leaving her on the side of the road to die. She was 40. She was crazy, but no one deserves that.

When I told STBX, he just said, "Good. I'm glad. Crazy b***h deserved it."

Susan32's picture

I wonder if anyone here remembers the case of Tyler Clementi, the gay Rutgers student who killed himself after one of his roommates filmed him having sex with another man and put it on the Internet. My mother accused Tyler of being a Narc, that he was being "exhibitionistic" in showing his last moments, and that he basically deserved it. But as we know here, Ns/Ps rarely murder, they tend to do the murder thru suicide. It was my mother's coldness&utter lack of compassion towards Tyler that shocked me. I know what it's like to lose the will to live, to simply be existing rather than living. It's like the time I read Dale O'Leary's "One Man, One Woman",in which the author sides with bullies and say they enforce gender norms/social order by bullying LGBT kids. I think my experience with the ex-Psych prof makes me automatically nauseated when I see people take the side of the bullies.
FarmGirl's picture

Mine was watching NASCAR when Dale Ernhardt wrecked & died and she said (I kid you not, I was right there walking through the room at the time)... "He deserved it, he was always doing *blah blah* to the other drivers!" She also said things like "she was asking for it!" or "she probably led him on" etc...about women who were raped (part of why I never did anything when my XBF raped me)! I knew she would turn it around on me. What small ugly people they are inside...
a girl's picture

The worst part is that now that he's D&D'ed me, I can imagine him saying the exact same thing about me if I were hit by a car. Scary.
Used's picture

or doing it...
Hunter's picture

Honestly, keep reading! He doesn't hate you or love you! Sorry but he's not even thinking about you! You are an object, no better than the computer you are typing on right now!! Hang in there!! Hunter
freaked's picture

a Narc song by S&G ??! In a lighter vein, right now , if each evening I could turn myself into a piece of furniture in a distant unused corner, I would be happy. It is better to be a toaster or perhaps an occasional table.. than a human in the presence of a narc. It is painful to interact with a PD once we have discovered the truths about them. If one has the means to leave, then it is still the best option. We have to understand that we were all just manipulated...and now we are here because each of us has experienced the Famous D&D. Really no point in Hoping or Weeping. If any of you are financially stable enough to leave, please do pack your bags and RUN. just forget about the narc...it was a bad dream.
Hunter's picture

That is part of the confusion! It's part of the headfuck, when the final D&D comes, your left spinning!! He's was loving then he wasn't , is he isn't he?? Ugh! They don't all fit the perfect model. Look, nuts is nuts, if you are here ther is a problem! And yes, no one deserves to be a victim of hit & run. Ok.. So.. If my narc, his dog ,and his mother got hit by a car, I'm pretty sure I would crack a smile! Hunter
Okay1150's picture

Have empathy. I related a story of driving to work and the same car was behind me for the entire 30 minutes. A woman and a child - about 9 yrs old or so. The entire drive you could tell by her facial expressions she was berating him - yelling, point her finger. I saw the child shrink further back into the passenger seat. A coupld of times I saw her slap him. It broke my heart. When I told the N, he said - maybe he was a little shit and deserved it..............
uk lady's picture

Your last paragraph confirmed it. You don't need any further confirmation. Dee x