He got the last laugh, full of suppy, thanks to me

I was the OW for a year (didn't even know there was true girlfriend for weeks into the relationship). I tried every way possible to get him to be honest with his original girlfriend, so that we would be on even footing. He made all sorts of promises over the year. After an entire year of broken promises, I finally contacted girlfriend and told her entire story. In addition to being a narcissist, he is a pathological liar, as we both discovered. External beauty is very important to him. We are not young, I'm 54 and he is 59. He has never married. I was married for 30 years.

Of course she stayed with him, told me they are engaged, and he broke it off with me. I was just an affair, as he called it.

Prior to breakup, I told him that my therapist and psychiatrist said he was a narcissist. I didn't go into detail, because at the time I didn't fully comprehend how extensive the disorder is. He was totally insulted.

Now to the part that is still tearing me apart. I tried to kill myself with an overdose the day he broke up with me. I was so worn down, severely depressed, had done so much to please him, I just couldn't cope. My well was finally dry.

For several hours my entire family, friends, local police could not find me. I took Oxycodone and parked inside a local mall deck. A friend happened upon my car, a miracle. I was rushed to the hospital and treated, spending the night in the psychiatric ward, until I could get myself released against doctor's orders the following day. I just broke down. For the entire year, he had controlled me, I lost significant weight because he likes small women, got down to 107 lbs (5'3"), ran hundreds of miles to help in the weight loss during 90+ degree weather all last summer, dyed my hair and let it grow out like he wanted me to.

He called me names like cow, hog, retard. He didn't even help me up when I fell down a flight of stairs and I ended up driving my loopy self to the hospital with bleeding under the scalp and multiple contusions on my back, which already has metal in it from back surgery two years ago. That was the beginning of the end. He left me at the foot of a flight of wooden stairs and yelled at me, then continued to go inside his condo to wash towels. No empathy, just anger. I somehow made my way up the stairs, waited for him to finish washing his towels. I repeatedly told him that I thought I had a concussion and that my back was injured. He drove me home since we were in my car and his was at my house. He got into his car and left me all alone.

I'm working my way through this, but he has the satisfaction of knowing that I tried to kill myself over the breakup. On that awful day, he didn't even want to talk to anyone, they were calling to see if he had any idea where I might have gone. He was at work, didn't want to be bothered, said I was trying to get attention, laughed, and told my grown son to never call back. My normally docile son told him he would kill him if he ever contacted me again.

It has been 6 weeks NC on either end, but he got the last laugh on this pathetic woman. What a gift to give a narcissist. Attempting to end it all over him.

How do I cope with this? It really bothers me that he thinks so highly of himself that I would try to kill myself over him (which I actually did). His narcissist supply must be overflowing.

Someone, please offer me some advice. I have read It's All About Him, The Path Forward, and Sam Vankin's videos (sorry if I spelled his name wrong). I'm also in therapy, have been since this relationship started. I kept a journal during the entire year to help with my frustration. Prior to this I had never been to a psychiatrist nor a therapist. I was basically a happy person. Now I'm a wreck.

I'm doing all the right things, but he got the last laugh and continues with original girlfriend, probably has completely forgotten me.

I'm taking it day by day.

On a final note, this "man" was my high school sweetheart. We reconnected after my divorce. I never forgot him, he said he never forgot me and would look for me online and in the phone book every year, but he didn't know my married name.

Help!

MissScout