I don't believe God or Mother Nature put them here...
http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2008/10/soul-slayer-psychological-evil.html
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The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
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I love how she describes that EVIL straddles both the spiritual and the psychological worlds. WHY it exists (i.e. brain chemistry changes etc) does not make it less evil or justify it. It almost does not matter where it comes from- it just IS. And we need to run like our pants are on fire away from it, not dance with it!
Barbara has posted a number of articles written within the scienfic community that include brain scans (MRI's) of Psychopaths showing their brains process information differently than us 'normals'. Whether they are born that way or learned in childhood is still unknown, although research to date would seem to indicate they may have been born that way.
Yes it is true, no other animal species demonstrates behavior where certain animals bond with other animals within their species solely to destroy the other animal due to having 'evil intentions' the way Narcissist & Psychopath do in the human race.
I have always called him my heroin lol. Why have I kept talking to him well the only thing I can come up with is I still have that tiny bit of hope. I know deep down its never gonna change, and everyone's right they get nasty after so many times of leaving. My friends and I joke he has to dig no to get any lower cause we swore he never could yet he does. I'm gonna try NC again and see if I can make it this time.
This time, you have the support of this website and others here who are dealing with similar situations.
We value your input, opinions and insight too - snd sharing advice and insight helps us all heal.
All the best to you and God bless you.
I have the same problem. He has soooooo many incredible qualities: we connect, he is super intelligent, he lifts me up, he knows exactly what to say to me, we have amazing conversations, he is incredibly good looking, hot, incredible bod at age 50, he is funny, witty, we laugh together, we like the same things, we support eachother....the list goes on and on.
So deep in the back of my mind, I keep hoping that he will change. That he will want to be monogomous, and that once he is happy in a monagomous relationship, all of the trolling will stop, he will dump all of his girl "friends", he will stop the dr. jekyl, mr. hyde. Because deep down, I believe he is a very good person with a good heart. And others think the same of him.
But lately, the more I take him back, the more frequent the rage is and the more frequent the devaluation is.
I think I first noticed something was off, when he (who is supposedly soooo open minded about stuff) started putting down my religion and me for believing in God. It was so wierd. I justified it by saying - well, he is tired of waiting for me, and therefore, to protect himself, he has to put me down to protect his own heart. And that if only we were together, he wouldn't feel the need to do that. But I'm afraid to take that leap, because I don't know if that is the true case, or if he would continue to devalue me.
"Because deep down, I believe he is a very good person with a good heart. And others think the same of him."
My N's father is also an N. Once, shortly after I married my N, we were at his parent's house. My N was angry at me & giving me the silent treatment & the evil eye thing. My mother-in-law noticed. My N carried on for 2 days ignoring me.
One morning she said to me, "They are good men." Meaning my husband, her son & her husband, her son's father.
I thought, that is odd. But, English is not her first language. I was only married to him about 8 months at that time. Of course they are good men, what else would they be? Isn't that a given?
In the end, I left my N. I lost my wonderful mother-in-law. Now I realize that she spent 50 years married to an awful man whom she believed was Dr. Jykell. She knew him several years before she married him. She was 19 when she met him & he was 29. She spent a whole lifetime pandering to Mr. Hyde. The woman is always saying, "sorry" . . . "I was just . . ." Always placating Mr. Hyde before he reared his ugly head.
Good men do not demean & devalue. Good men do not gaslight & play minds games. Good men do not make others afraid & cause others endless pain. Good men, when somebody says, 'you're hurting me, I'm afraid'--they stop what they are doing.
Something has changed with this man you have known a long time. It is never going to go back to what it once was. Once D&D starts, it only gets worse. He has no respect for you any more nor any use for you like before. He's changed for the worse for some reason. RUN!!
Wow - this was very helpful. Thank you.
YOu are right. I am married to a good man. He has never demeaned or devalued me. He has never played mind games. He has never caused me pain or hurt me. He has never manipulated me.
So what causes my N to change? I can't figure it out.
I know he went through a rough divorce, that he says is causing him not to trust people.
I know he is in the type of business that he says has caused him to be surly. When we started sharing our feelings about 5 years ago, he told me he was not the same person that he was before.
But I do recall even 20 years ago and he was engaged to the woman he married. he was grumbling about her, and connecting to me and I was thinking to myself - wow this marriage isn't going to last!
And what is awful, based on my email incident, is that I appear to be the only one he is treating like this. He is still sweet as can be to every else in his "harem".
And I can't figure out what caused the D&D other than he became my boss and he didn't approve of the way I did certain things. The thing that sparked it all was that he was trying to force me to fire someone that I thought was very valuable and I refused.
But actually, even before that, last spring at a dinner out, he was putting down my religion - which was awful. And I attributed to the fact that he was frustrated and tired of waiting for me. But yes, the 7 months of working together magic seemed to disappear and I was treated differently.
I think it is a control thing. He loved me because I was independent or accomplished...but then I think it threatened his ego when we worked together and he saw how much I was respected even though our working styles were so different and he didn't approve of the way I handled certain things.
He did accuse me of bringing "drama" into the workplace many times, since I was getting upset with him for being so harsh with me.
why are you LISTENING to what he SAYS???? they lie like they breathe
So what causes my N to change? I can't figure it out
Being a false personality is tiring... he got tired & bored... he didn't change - that's the REAL HIM
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
No I know he will never be faithful, never be honest, never be reliable. I chose to stay being the other woman seeing how he treated the girlfriends while I got leftovers. Men like him will NEVER be faithful trust me I've been the other woman many many times. Plus it never works when you are "the one" the trust is beyond gone. And I'm not even referring to N's men that cheat don't change. Also him and I are polar opposites he's black you can see I'm not but he listens to hip hop wears ekco, southpole etc. I am covered in tattoos love classic rock and harder rock, he hates bars and goes to clubs but hates girls who drink. I love dive bars hate clubs yeah polar opposites why he picked me NO clue I've always wondered but never got an answer. See Barbara I do have some fight in me lol
we connect
Luring & brainwashing
he is super intelligent, he lifts me up
more luring & brainwashing
he knows exactly what to say to me, we have amazing conversations
Profiling & mirroring you
he is incredibly good looking, hot, incredible bod at age 50
are you really THAT shallow?
he is funny, witty, we laugh together
wonder who's sense of humor he absorbed before you?
we like the same things, we support each other
Mirroring, profiling, luring
the list goes on and on
And its called TOXIC HOPE & MAGICAL THINKING
READ:
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/20/denial-and-its-power
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/30/mirror-men
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/19/should-you-stay-or-should-you-leave
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/15/toxic-hope
http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/05/04/love-narc
So now tell me - what is so great about this hollow, mirroring, soul sucking predator again?
~~~~~~~~~
The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
HealingNow
Great link!
Their Brains Are Broken
joep
This Time You Have Support - This Website
bittersweet
Good Men
agnesmurphy17
why?
loveofmylife
"He has soooooo many incredible qualities"