He is going to send me to the crazy farm

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#1 Mar 26 - 2PM

loveofmylife

He is going to send me to the crazy farm

So after some additional hateful emails in the last two days - accusing me of being passive-aggressive since I haven't responded to any of his emails ( I told him I needed a few days to blow off the steam before I could discuss anything with him in a civil manner after his hateful email about me violating his boundaries, that he would never be in a personal relationship with me, and we will have to let the investors know exactly why I can't work with him)....

he calls me today to help me prep for the investor lunch I have scheduled to close the deal.

He was so helpful and so sweet. He positioned me perfectly with the investors so that I would have a huge personal gain with this. (I did not ask him to do this) He pulled himself out, since he said he understood that it was difficult for me for us to work together. He was laughing with me - being his sweet, kind, self-effacing, helpful self. Telling me - "they love you so much.... this is amazing...i've never seen an investment group love the CEO as much as they love you. this is a good thing. you should be really proud. i'm proud of you"

I just started crying on the phone...cause I felt so close to him again. He really feels like my soulmate. I have never connected to ANYONE like this in my life. Everything seemed normal again. And I just want to be with him, right now....so badly. We are so ying/yang. Everything just fits....our conversations flow so smoothly and beautifully.

Why is he so Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde. And why can't we just be together and try this out!!!!

#2 Mar 27 - 3PM

joeP

Part of why you are "So Connected"

http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/01/28/pathological-child-prodigy-savant-human-behavior (joeP - in the future please check that something you want to post hasn't been posted before. This was on the MY BLOG section for a couple months now. It saves us bandwith. Thanks)

#3 Mar 26 - 10PM

grossot

exactly

Ns know how to be any and every ying's yang http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

#4 Mar 26 - 10PM

ForeverLearning

Read The Articles And Links Barbara Has Provided Here

Posted Fri, 03/26/2010 - 13:22 loveofmylife said: "Why is he so Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde. And why can't we just be together and try this out!!!!" ********************************************************** Have you been taking Barbara's advice and reading all the helpful links, articles and information posted here regarding Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Barbara has spent literally thousands of hours scouring the internet, gathering this information to educate those who come to this website. If you will complete your due diligence in educating yourself by reading all the informative articles posted by Barbara on this website , you will begin to gain a better grasp as to why Narcissists behave as they do, and why a relationship with them can never be successful nor healthy. And Barbara also states this website should never be used as a replacement for actual therapy, only used in conjunction with a therapist, qualified in treating Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

#5 Mar 26 - 6PM

Monica

Please listen to Barbara..I've BTDT

And it nearly destroyed me taking him back so many times. I have business ties with my xN/P. That is a big mistake even when you are not dealing with a N/P. Why do you think companies have policies against personal relationships between employees??? It is purely a recipe for disaster. And when they are a N/P....it is a thousand times WORSE. I am looking for another job. Even in this economy, I feel that eating macaroni and cheese every single day will be a lot more pleasant than chancing contact with my xN/P. I would give up cable, cell phone, vacations...you name it...just to get away from him for good. Mine does "end-runs" around my NC...he uses bogus business excuses to talk with me or see me or uses other people to get through to me. I am reading the book "Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work" and it hits so close to home that I can only handle reading a few pages at a time. (Barbara...if you do not approve of this book, please feel free to delete my post. I respect that.) I am in therapy. I have been looking for another job so that I can cut ALL ties once and for all to my xN/P. He nearly destroyed me emotionally and mentally. Nothing is worth that. ONLY total NC will insure that he doesn't suck you back in again. He will never, ever change. You will get sucked back in and he will hurt you worse than before.

#6 Mar 26 - 7PM (Reply to #36)

Amazed

They are cameleons, yup, so sick you would never know

They will morph into whatever they think will win them supply. They will put theselves through hell if it means getting back to their supply. The more hell, the more supply they will bank on. Give yourself some credit for being a great person rather than listening to the N bullshit and their manipulation. They will always lead you off course, and you will pay dearly in the end. What you haven't heard is the crap that they talk about you behind your back. Oh,,its there. When a day comes, and you hear what they have to say about the supply they really loved so much, you will be shocked. Give yourself some credit for doing the productive, honorable thing, that is what the N cannot and will never do.

#7 Mar 26 - 7PM (Reply to #37)

loveofmylife

amazed

Yes, during my email incident I saw some things he wrote about me. to a chemistry.com date he had never met "...dealing with CFO workplace drama at work..." to which she replied. "I can't wait to hear more about this on our date!!!" Using me as chick bait and gossip fodder with someone he has never met. to his other married-emotional lover "I had no role whatsoever to provoke her in telling me she loved me. I would never be interested in her in a relationship manner (I have that reserved), and perhaps it would help you if I told you she weighed 40 pounds more than me" All lies. And then grubbling about me to a "friend" that it was "rough" at work. And like someone else said, that very said day that these emails were written, he was schmoozing up to me and so sweet to me, so that I would approve a bonus to him with the owner.

#8 Mar 27 - 9AM (Reply to #38)

Amazed

loveofmylife

I am shocked he used your relationship at work as bait,,well yes,,now in learning about the Narc patterns, oh the do this crap alright! They are so intelligent, all the pieces work for them. Glad you found out the truth.

#9 Mar 26 - 7PM (Reply to #32)

loveofmylife

thanks Monica

I'll have to get that book! And we both agree that it was a "flaw in the master design" for us to work together. But we worked together 20 years ago for 3 1/2 years and absolutely LOVED it. It was wonderful. No issues at all. But somehow it is different now. Either it is because we are older, we are both at the CXX level, now our feelings are out in the open, he was burned by his x and says he doesn't trust anyone now....something is Very, very different this time around.

#10 Mar 27 - 12AM (Reply to #34)

Barbara (not verified)

books

SNAKES IN SUITS - excellent also WITHOUT CONSCIENCE by Dr. Robert Hare loveofmylife - WHO CARES WHAT HE AGREES TO?!?!?!? NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT. The dance will stop when YOU STOP DANCING WITH HIM. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#11 Mar 27 - 8AM (Reply to #35)

Monica

Barbara...I read Without Conscience right before...

...reading Snakes in Suits. I read Without Conscience straight through twice in a row, the second time with a highlighter so I go back constantly and read the highlighted areas that still totally blow me away. When is Lisa's new book coming out, do you know? I really feel like my xN/P has read both of these books. He is textbook psychopath and has actually said many of the things these authors say are typical for a psycho to say. Verbatim. Like he actually read these books himself. It blows me away.

#12 Mar 26 - 10PM (Reply to #33)

joeP

Something different this time around

Yes there is.... N's get worse with age.....

#13 Mar 26 - 4PM

narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)

yin/yang...

he's the yin to your yang...and if he thinks he can get something out another woman, he'll become the yin to her yang, even if her yang is completely different from yours.....they're CON MEN...they pretend to be whatever they think we want them to be...but what they are, are monsters...and nother more and nothing less......

#14 Mar 26 - 9PM (Reply to #30)

ForeverLearning

You Knocked It Out Of The Park Lady!

Home Run for NarcNarc! You are the "Babe Ruth" of explaining Narcissist Yin/Yang psychological con artist tricks! Way to go slugger, love it, thanks!!

#15 Mar 26 - 3PM

bitterdestiny

mine does the same

I (don't beat me Barbara) saw mine Saturday he had asked for money so I lied and said sure I'll give it to you to see him. I went to get my own closure told him no money just a goodbye. He of course was irate but I said my peace and left. He called 5 minutes later and said "you win come back". We had a great night so my stupid self thought ok he's starting to figure it out I sent him a small portion of the money he asked for and gee have heard nothing since. Mine always plays nice when he thinks I'm leaving or wants something and if that doesn't work it gets nasty...on a side note Barbara I was at Borders today and picked up ptsd for dummies just thumbed thru and hit ptsd in teenagers umm yeah that was me to a tee and to think my mom dropped a million dollars on me growing up having me locked up to hear I had bi polar, bpd, clinical depression and the whole time her and my family caused all the hell!! So yes I've had ptsd for at least 17 years :(

#16 Mar 26 - 4PM (Reply to #18)

Barbara (not verified)

bitterdestiny

no beating just NO MORE CONTACT what part of HE'S USING YOU don't you get? ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#17 Mar 26 - 4PM (Reply to #19)

bitterdestiny

I think after my latest

I think after my latest tirade he might just go NC before I even get the chances..but then again I've been trying for 3 years to make him go away, he's not as worried when I say I'm leaving now but I think he's at the point he no longer cares if I'm around.

#18 Mar 27 - 12AM (Reply to #28)

Barbara (not verified)

bitterdestiny

JUST LEAVE!!!! WOW... what part of this don't you GET? (or don't you WANT to get?) http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/12/22/what-no-contact-means ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#19 Mar 26 - 5PM (Reply to #21)

enoughalready

bitterdestiny

We were together for 5 years. I went back so many times the last 3 years and he'd say "whatever". He got used to it saying"you'll be back" or "always". I regretted it each time and wished I would have been on this site 4 yrs ago as it would have saved me a lot of grief, anger, sadness, and frustration. At times I still feel love for him-but wow, my self-worth and my integrity comes first this time and "always". I understand how you feel as I was there too.

#20 Mar 26 - 8PM (Reply to #22)

bitterdestiny

enough and barbara

@ enough- I feel he's like that now before if I said its over my phone would ring non stop till I answered. Now its nothing my old "tricks" to make him pay more attention to me don't work. Many times tho I have wanted to just leave and pretend he was a bad dream but it doesn't take long before I'm sucked back in full force its a bad cycle I'm trying to break. At one time him talking to me was enough to suck me in, then it was seeing him, then it was him touching me, now he has to do all 3 to get me back in and I think I'm just becoming to much work to keep. @barbara- I take a lot from him but I tend to fight back and since I sent him the money he couldn't even say thank you so I snapped I've chewed him out for the past day. So now I get the silent treatment until I start begging for him to call..I should of taken my goodbyes, I love you take care Saturday and ran!!

#21 Mar 26 - 9PM (Reply to #23)

enoughalready

bitterdestiny

Believe me, I was the same as you were. I went back and expected more than before. And he would say-"you are too difficult" and "too demanding" when he did all those sweet things for me during the honeymoon stage and little thereafter without any effort. But that's forever gone no matter how much you wish it back. I knew and felt he d/d 'ed me. When we had sex before, he would txt me when I got hom "I love you" "you were amazing". The last few times, there were no txts afterwards. I truly felt used. I knew it was time for me to go and end it forever. I left without a word and have been NC for more than 3 weeks now. it's hard to do NC but after a few weeks, life gets easier, and you tend to think more clearer. Please believe me and Barbara and everyone here who insists on NC-it truly works wonders for yourself:-)

#22 Mar 27 - 9PM (Reply to #26)

bitterdestiny

i got a new phone today

So he is offically blocked!!!!!!

#23 Mar 27 - 10PM (Reply to #27)

MsVulcan500

Nice!! You will really

Nice!! You will really enjoy the peace after a while . . .

#24 Mar 26 - 9PM (Reply to #24)

MsVulcan500

Enough

You're right. When we threaten to leave, and even do sometimes, they know they are idle threats because we've always gone back before. And each time we go back the treatment gets worse than the time before. The only way to make them notice that this is not an idle threat is to really go NC on them forever. Drop off the face of the earth as far as they are concerned. And while he won't really notice that you're gone because you're just an old boring game he used to play with, you will notice that you are much calmer and stress-free. I can't believe all of the free time I have now not worrying about how I could be a better gf or how I could finally make him happy, etc. My thoughts now are about my family, friends, work, my house, things I need and want to do, etc. In other words, it's all about me now, not about him. Since we broke up in September, I have received 2 emails from him, the last being in early January. I unblocked my email for that one, I needed to know something from him. He was reblocked immediately after, and I have been NC again for about 10 weeks, and believe me, it does get easier. I'm looking forward to the rest of my life without him in it.

#25 Mar 26 - 10PM (Reply to #25)

enoughalready

msvulcan500

Wow, 10 weeks / NC is wonderful. It's interesting how we have more time to do things and enjoy life as we once knew. One of his many friends mentioned to me the other day " he wishes you'd talk w/ him" and I'd ignore that and think to myself- exactly what would we ever talk about? His lies, cheating, himself? No thanks-no more. Why waste my life away, 5 years was too generous.I've gone 24 days NC-I mark off each day in my calendar w/ a smiley face-being OCD, it would hurt me to put a mad face or no face if I had contact. I live and learn each day reading and interacting w/ this website. I thank God I found it and all the members :-)

#26 Mar 26 - 4PM (Reply to #20)

Barbara (not verified)

bitterdestiny

why tirade? GO NO CONTACT AND BLOCK HIM FROM YOUR LIFE... it's not brain surgery - why are you STILL TALKING TO HIM??? ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#27 Mar 26 - 2PM

Barbara (not verified)

loveofmylife

only because YOU ARE ALLOWING HIM TO SEND YOU THERE you were given some very on point advice in the last post... take it and cut him off ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#28 Mar 26 - 10PM (Reply to #2)

joeP

NC NC NC NC

It was hard at first. I felt like I was detoxing from opiates... Which actualy is not far off from the truth.... BUT, with a LITTLE time NC things begin to change. Thier hold on you lessens. You start getting glimpses of hope. The stress level goes WAY down. You can see a future where there was none. Being with an N has no future, it's like the movie groundhog day, every day is the same. Everyday is filled with emotional pain, betrayel, lies, manipulation, abuse and to make it really fun you get NOTHING in return. Please, please see a therapist who is knowledgable of NPD and PTSD. You have been affected more than you will ever realize on your own. Do it to save your life! It is that serious.

#29 Mar 27 - 12AM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

joeP

you were... a little internal opiate called OXYTOCIN ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

#30 Mar 27 - 6AM (Reply to #4)

ForeverLearning

Amen

God/Mother Nature put this chemical in our brains so we would bond to a mate to reproduce and raise offspring. Unfortunately when you bond with a Narcissist you are bonding with a different species alltogether. God/Mother Nature didn't intend for us to bond with a miserable creature who intends to destroy us, just for kicks, sh*ts and giggles.

#31 Mar 27 - 7AM (Reply to #5)

Healingnow

intentions

Hi, 'God/Mother Nature didn't intend for us to bond with a miserable creature who intends to destroy us, just for kicks, sh*ts and giggles'. I just don't get why God/mother nature would put these 'creatures' here then. Why would mother nature allow this to happen to us. Why didn't we run like others would.........oh i remember reading somewhere that we are taught in this day and age to tune out. They must have started off as innocent babies and just got damaged.. The age old nature/nurture thing.

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