He came over last night

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#1 Feb 8 - 8AM
newlifeway
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He came over last night

He dropped in last night after our dinner to see the kids. He didn't call or give any notice. I have been very emotional and fragile over this last 5 days especially hard for me. By heart beat sped up and I instantly wanted to confront him when I heard his voice in the living room, the kids has already seen his car and answered the door. They were so happy to see him. I stook in the kitchen at the sink listening to him tell the kids he missed them.

Instead of having an argumentment, or asking why he didn't call or tell me he was coming by, I went into the bedroom and shut the door. I didn't look at him, I didn't speak to him. I sat on my bed and waited. He stayed for about 30 minutes. I waited to hear him leaving., then I came out. There was no interaction.

i was happy I was able to keep control and stay away from him at the same time. The locks have been changed, and he doesn't know that yet because he hasn't had to use a key to be let in.

I swear, he knew I was having a hard time, I swear he knows. and he came by unannounced, almost like he wants to keep me hurting...I dont' know just a feeling. I did well to remove my self from the situation again. I left him alone with the kids though, some may say that isn't smart because he could just put them in his car and take them.

He lacks even the most basic of courtesy toward me.

Feb 8 - 5PM
jackguy
jackguy's picture

well handled

the pain will get easier...stay close to this forum and keep doing what you're doing
Feb 8 - 2PM
janemarie
janemarie's picture

He did it to stay in

He did it to stay in control..... I agree with everyone that you did the right thing by removing yourself....that was ideal for the kids sake... Now by changing the locks, you are now in control....HE left at his own free will so you have every right to change these locks... Until your divorce is final and everything is written on paper in black and white...you unfortunately will have to deal with these power trips...this is where you have to maintain your composure and stay one step ahead of him...very difficult...very stressful...but from what I can see of you, you can do this!!!! Always in my thoughts....xoxo
Feb 8 - 1PM
newlifeway
newlifeway's picture

NONE of it feels good or right

I feel like I have done something wrong. I feel like I am behaving contrary to what is natural for me. So withdrawing, NC etc doesn't yet feel comfortable. It feels very uncomfortable! I felt like I was hiding away like I was hideous. i know this isn't true, I know it but it doesn't FEEL like it. I am fighting with my self internally each day to not give into my feelings which only exacerbates things, amplifies the issues, and pain. So damn damn hard right now.
Feb 8 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
Run4it
Run4it's picture

NLW

Of course it is hard to go against your loving and caring nature as a wife. I am sorry that he is not capable of receiving that gift. Give it to yourself and your children for now.
Feb 8 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
phantom adoration
phantom adoration's picture

Congrats

Wow, I am proud of you, I don't know if I could have done that. You are an inspiration. It is contrary to what you feel, becasue you do feel and he does not. He only feels power, the power comes from his manipulation. Your ignoring him was brialliant. I have a court hearing in two plus weeks, a face to face and I am so scared I will fail emotionally in front of him. I just want to be a rock.
Feb 8 - 12PM
abreva
abreva's picture

I am so very proud of you.

This was a wonderful response. It was brave of you. It was smart. It was wise. It was powerful. I am so pleased for you. And inspired.
Feb 8 - 11AM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Woohoo, love the way you handled this

You did the very best you could with the situation at hand. You did what was best for your children and yourself. WAY2GO!!! This will get easier and better in time. You are doing the hard part now. God bless, Goldie
Feb 8 - 11AM
Run4it
Run4it's picture

Good for you !

I know how hard that must of been. Heart pounding emotions. Your children. You are in a difficult position because you have the children to think of so I greatly admire your resolve last night. I would say that your attorney needs to put a legal document in place giving you exclusive rights to the home until things are settled and also setting up visitation schedules so that you are not caught off guard, which is what he will love doing to you.
Feb 8 - 11AM
SundaySmile
SundaySmile's picture

Good for you

Sounds like you handled this very well. He may be hurting rather than wanting to deliberately try to hurt you. When I mean HE may be hurting, I mean from the pain he feels at the loss of his N supply from you. They do seem to feel pain - but its not the kind of remorseful pain. You did a great job in handling it. HUG
Feb 8 - 10AM
Isabella B
Isabella B's picture

New Life Way

You are amazingly strong. You have also illustrated how silence = STAY AWAY! I know we are reminded that CONTACT=PAIN (which it does), but your walking into the room vividly showed how that action alone said, "Stay away you disgusting excuse for a human being. I will not have you in my life anymore." My life was in chaos after the D&D/breakup...I can relate to your disbelief that he has walked away, become mean and cruel, and has no remorse or empathy. Those feelings and reactions resonated with me. I did not spend as much time, but the results were devastating nonetheless. It gets better though, slowly. I admire your strength and courage.
Feb 8 - 9AM
nlvr7
nlvr7's picture

Oh honey....

So sorry you experienced that but I am proud of you...see how strong you are :)
Feb 8 - 8AM
Used
Used's picture

newlifwway

You certainly did do well to keep your self out of the situation.... very well done... YOUR SELF CONTROL WAS ADMIRABLE....