Is he about to start hoovering?

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#1 Sep 6 - 9AM

College_girl

Is he about to start hoovering?

Basically, After he broke up with me I thought he completely moved on "emotionally" however, it has been a year and he has been single this whole time..

Anyways, now that he has noticed I am doing better, by not contacting him, happy, doing well.. he has been contacting me a little bit. Which is out of character because he made it clear I was not right for him.... But he still made it clear he wanted to be civil with me and not cut me out totally..

It seems like he would contact me from time to time to check up and feel me out to see if he still had my control (AKA SEE IF I STILL CARED) which I showed I did by responding to him and saying one time that I missed him and then he never talked to me again.

So the beginning of this summer he contacted me two times over texting (when he contacts me it's not just "hey" he always has a reason to contact me.. like an excuse so its not obvious he just wants to talk to me)

I responded briefly to the texts but never contacted him.. His text was just telling me that my email sent his email spam, that was random and weird/confusing.

btw we were together for 2.5 years and were eachothers first bf and gf..

Recently he has
-"liked" a photo of me on my facebook that was taken a couple years ago when we were together
- he asked me directly what I have been up to this summer
-he asked me to explain why things are going so well in my life (which i didnt)
-He then contacted me on FB chat and asked again what I have been up to all summer, and I was very brief (totally caught off gaurd) and then quickly said I had to run..
-Then he texted me 2 days after that to ask if I was ok and to tell him exactly what happened to me (I recently got injured in a small car accident)
He seemed very concerned/nice and then told me he burned some CD for me and that I should tell him when I am back in town at school.. I was very brief and indifferent

Pretty much I cannot tell if he is just trying to get information, sex, or if he wants me back, or if it really is nothing and there is a simple explanation for contact from the ex N.... I think the thought of me not needing him anymore Terrifies him Because I use to basically worship him, and now I don't need him.. But part of me still wants him and I want to know if he is going to straight up ask for me back or just play these games of texting, random contact, etc.

IDK, a little confused as to what he is thinking. If it doesn't mean anything or if he has a motive.

And I am totally proud of myself for not contacting him and not giving him information, its a big step for me

Anyways, thank you for reading my situation

#2 Sep 9 - 7PM

Deidre40

Hi collegegirl... first, I'd

Hi collegegirl... first, I'd delete him as a 'friend' from FB. You don't need this man in your life. He's proven what he thinks of you...now, he just wants to toy with you like a cat with a lizard. By omitting him off FB...you're done getting chat requests, and ''likes.'' Don't reply to him via text, and block him elsewhere. You will get to a point where you will not care what he thinks. If he thinks...'that bitch, she deleted me from her fb list?' let him think it. If he thinks...''what did I do wrong...boo hoo.'' let him think it. That's where we often break NC...we still care what these people think. Once you get to the point, where WHAT YOU WANT MATTERS MORE TO YOU THAN WHAT HE THINKS, you're on your way to healing. Get there! ((hugs))

#3 Sep 9 - 6PM

greengirl91

All I can advice you, is what

All I can advice you, is what other here have been telling me, when I had the same doubts..about my whole situation with N, fb comments and such. Sounds funny this phrase, I feel like a grandma, lol! But look, for your peace and safety..you should consider blocking him. He will not stop, I tell you that. I went back and forth for years..when I was detached, and a little bit better, he popped out of the blue! With comments, with some "innocent" like..probably to check if it is still "his territory". Or playing the victim, or the person "who still hasn`t moved on, because he still apparently has feelings. That`s how it starts. For your own good, I advice you to block him. I know it`s hard. But there comes a time where we must make a choice..to live in Neverland forever, or in reality. Good Luck!

#4 Sep 6 - 12PM

Arwen

My ex N doing exactly the

My ex N doing exactly the same thing...sees me looking really good, independent and then goes ahead after almost a year of totally ignoring me and puts the "like" comments under things. He is a member of a FB group I am in. It's all bullshit. I responded to one of them when he wrote nice pic by saying thanks and I am sure that's all he wanted...some attention, cause I have not heard from him since. I am sure he just needs to know that all of his exes are still under his "spell", and I know from when we were FB friends that he pressed the "like" button under a lot of other women's photos and made so many comments under a hot pic of a woman he had previously slept with such as, "your hair looks nice", "Wow", etc. And he did this WHILE I WAS SEEING HIM! He is SO insecure, SO insanely in need of attention that he put his time with me in complete jeopardy by letting me see these comments constantly. In fact I am sure he wanted for me to see his attention to other women in order to keep me where he wanted me - jealous, insecure, chained to him, and needing his validation. He HAS to get the attention from his former OW's. I tried to fool myself into believing that I am the only one he REALLY loves for months. But when I think back on all of the FB comments I saw him put under OW's photos during the time that he was a FB friend to me, I could not deny his lack of true caring for me. If he cared for me he never would have had the gall to let me see him post such things under OW's pics. I think you should just sit with your feelings and watch this play out, but I also think if you can manage to do it, defriend him. He will contact you another way if he needs your attention that badly. They are two year-olds who just tantrum if they don't get attention, but the big difference is that the toddler really loves and wants his Mommy. Not so with the narc. They only want to be seen.

#5 Sep 9 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

Anabelle

WTF makes them get back to

WTF makes them get back to you after a year of ignorance??? I really do understand the idea of running low on NS... but STILL!!!!! I am a human being and it's JUST CRAZY!!!!!! God save us all. And I promise to all of you, if I go up one day, and God is really there, the first thing i will ask him, WHY the hell did he create these people...

#6 Sep 6 - 12PM

Goldie

They don't change; they just "pretend" to change

No question he is hoovering. Circling around your sky like a vulture getting ready to attack his prey. So far you have kept it relatively cool aside from the supply he gets by any response at all. If he is not seeing anyone and has no new supply or inadaqute supply, he will be back. He is just feeling you out. Sounds to me like a booty call would be what he wants regardless to what he says. Because if he were trying to win you back he would not be this vague and cool. He does not want you back he just wants to see if there is anything left there in terms of supply. Go NC, he is playing with you. When a real man, not a PD wants a woman and is sorry it does not play out like this. This sounds like a game to me, nothing real, just more b.s. Spare yourself another round and go NC, total NC, don't respond to anything. Give yourself a chance at true happiness one day, you don't need to settle for this. God bless, Goldie

#7 Sep 6 - 11AM

Hunter

When you broke up how did it

When you broke up how did it feel?? Do you like pain? I dont, he's hovering, pushing your buttons and its working! These are personal choices! If you know what you are dealing with ( NPD) I'm not understanding your question! There are 1000.00 books on this topic, this shit is not made up! You are an object to him! Sorry to break it to you! Delete,Delete,Delete Hunter

#8 Sep 6 - 9AM

Sparrow

College girl, he has sought

College girl, he has sought supply and received it unfortunately. Any contact at all with him is providing him with what he is seeking. Just the mere response back to him, whether it be 1 word or 100 words.........you validate him and his need. Be proud of yourself for keeping the contact at a minimal, but know that as innocent as it seems, his need is being met. Do not respond to him at this point on and also unfriend him on facebook.......you will see that his future attempts won't be so non-chalant. Good luck and keep up the good work! No more contact though! That includes responding! Looking at his facebook page will only trigger thoughts, feelings, and you don't want that to happen, trust me. Stay strong!!!

#9 Sep 6 - 9AM

Kiwi2005

College Girl

I'm not sure why, but they sense when we're doing better and begin to contact us then. Not sure how much you've read, but they never "truly" want us back, as they've never "truly" wanted us to begin with. So it's not that. I'm sure he wants information- because in his head, he's thinking "how can she be happy without me" as he should have been your everything (they're f-ed up in the head, see). He also wants sex- I highly doubt he's been single the whole time, lets pretend he has, his body is calling for it & he's going to go after who he "thinks" he can get it from- Please prove him wrong! You're so right when you say he's terrified that you don't need him anymore! And you don't! You've come a long way- stick with it and keep up the good & hard work (because going NC & being away from them is HARD WORK)! GOOD LUCK & STAY STRONG!

#10 Sep 6 - 5PM (Reply to #2)

College_girl

Thank you!

Thank you guys for all the support and advice, I am definetly going to ignore him when he contacts me again! But I didn't ignore him before because I didn't wanna be immature and bit**y.. Because He was saying he hopes I feel better, But i definetly know it could never be genuine. Also, I know he would always want sex, a few months after he broke up with me I deleted him from FB so he took me to dinner (I know now I definetly should not of GONE :( ) He did try to have sex with me and I totally refused any of it, he also said I should move on from him.. So he might try again, But mainly he's curious about why I am not contacting him and if he still has power.. I will not respond, But that just makes him want me more cuz they want what they cannot have.. Which is tough to resist because of how much I thought I "loved" him.. So i'm scared for him to try and get me back

#11 Sep 9 - 7PM (Reply to #3)

Deidre40

can't imagine why he's still

can't imagine why he's still single! :=P

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